And for that reason alone, I wanted to share everything.
“Adam described you as one of the smartest people he had ever met. Present company excluded of course,” she smirked.
I bowed my head in deference. “Of course.”
“And when I met you that first time, I knew he was right. You were smart and charming and probably the most gorgeous man I’d ever seen.” Lena took a long drink of wine. Her cheeks were rosy, which indicated she was starting to feel the alcohol. I was beginning to know and recognize these intimate details about her.
“And I thought you were about the sexiest woman I had ever laid eyes on,” I jumped in.
“There was chemistry between us, right from the beginning, wasn’t there?” she asked, cocking her head to the side as she regarded me.
I leaned across the table and took her hand between mine. “Fucking hell, I wanted you so badly that night. And just about every night since then,” I admitted.
She chewed on her bottom lip. Uh oh.
“So why did you ditch me and hook up with Nicola?” she asked without preamble.
“Who?” I asked in confusion.
Lena sighed but didn’t pull her hand away. That was progress at least. “That first night we met, I thought there was something there. But then I found you with Nicola Bennett, the county clerk?”
Nicola?
And then the memory hit me. I had remembered everything about meeting Lena, but the particulars of that random hook up were hazy. Because Nicola hadn’t mattered.
What did that say about me?
That I had been a world-class dick.
I used to consider that a badge of honor. Now, it made me feel ashamed. I didn’t want Lena to look at me and see an asshole. If I could go back in time and change the way I had behaved, even if I had a good reason for my actions, I would.
“Right. Nicola.”
“That kind of sucked,” she said lightly, though I could see the hurt in her eyes.
I rubbed my forehead. “Marlena, you know I haven’t always been the most upstanding guy…” I paused. Considering. “You know what, fuck it. Adam warned me to stay away from you. He didn’t like me cozying up to his baby sister and I understood that. I wasn’t looking for anything more than a quick bang and Adam knew that. I was selfish and self-centered and Adam used our new partnership as leverage against me.” Lena’s eyes had widened. Before she could speak, I went on. “He was right to do that, Marlena. I would have hurt you. And I wouldn’t have thought twice about it. Sure, I thought you were hot, and I liked talking to you. Maybe something could have happened for a little while. But I was a mess back then. Hell, I still am. Though I’m trying to learn not to be.”
There it was. The truth.
“Fucking Adam,” Lena muttered, shaking her head.
“Don’t get pissed at your brother. He was only looking out for you.”
She rolled her eyes. “He’s always just looking out for me. It’s annoying. As if I’m some naive simpleton incapable of taking care of myself. I should have known it was something like that.” She stopped abruptly and narrowed her eyes. “Is that why you froze me out last year? Did Adam say something then too?”
“Um…”
Lena threw her hands in the air. “Ugh! I’m going to kill him! He’s the most meddling, pain in the ass, nosy son of—”
“Baby, calm down. Don’t go putting a hit out on the poor guy. His intentions were good. And he wasn’t wrong, was he?” I hated to say it because it made me question what I was doing with her now. How could I be sure I wouldn’t hurt her?
Lena stared at me long and hard. “Then what is this, Jeremy? What are we doing? Why are you ignoring Adam’s warnings this time? What’s different?”
I could only answer from the heart. “I don’t know, Marlena. I just feel that this time I can be better. For you.” Would it be enough for her?
She didn’t say anything. The waiter brought our next course, but neither of us started eating. I needed to give her more if she was going to accept what I was offering.
“My parents’ marriage has always been fucked up. My dad’s a mean, violent drunk. When he wasn’t smacking my mother around, he was making her feel worthless.” I took a deep breath, readying myself before continuing. “He cheated on her. Many times. He’s left her over and over again and each time she falls apart and thinks she can’t live without him. And when she’s at her lowest, the asshole comes riding back in and reinforces that she can’t survive on her own.” My eyes felt hot and my throat tightened. “I love my mother. More than anyone. But I hate her too. Because I want her to be stronger. I want her to leave him. But she won’t.”