Without thinking about it, I pulled out the corset and some matching panties and donned them both before quickly pulling on the black jeans and buttoning up the blue plaid shirt.
The train whistle sounded again, and I looked out the window, squinting into the night. I wish I had my damn glasses.
I slipped on the shoes, tying them up, and then found Alex’s brush and smoothed out the tangles in my hair. She had makeup and a little jewelry in there, always prepared for anything. I didn’t know her like family, but I knew her well enough.
Closing the closet, I left the room and headed out of the sleeper car and down the train. I trailed through a corridor of more private cabins and crossed into another car with chairs facing the windows, and refrigeration units holding wine and champagne.
Darkness and the slight rocking under me were all that greeted me as I went from one car to another.
Where was everyone? I needed to find a phone to check in with the world.
As soon as I entered the next car, though, I looked up and saw some of the guys.
I stopped. The sconces on the dark wood walls barely lit the room, and I scanned their faces, a little hidden in shadow, but did not see Will, Misha, Micah, or Rory among them.
Michael sat in a chair, his eyes locked with mine as he lifted a glass to his lips, while Kai stood at the windows with his arms folded, and Damon rested against the bar, holding a glass of something amber colored. I couldn’t see his eyes, but I knew he was staring at me.
Next to Will, I was most sorry about him. I’d helped him bury a body that I’d watched him murder, and he never told anyone about my involvement. When we got back to Thunder Bay, he might have his own vengeance in mind for me.
“I didn’t want to hurt him,” I said. “I didn’t want to hurt any of you. I just wanted to protect her.”
They didn’t move or speak, Michael taking another drink.
“I made a mistake,” I told them, feeling naked as they glared at me like I was prey. “I thought I was alone.”
My voice softened to a whisper, but no matter how much I hated this, and never in a million years dreamed I’d be groveling to them, it needed to be done. They deserved an apology. At the very least.
“I’m sorry,” I murmured. “I am very sorry.”
Kai turned and stepped toward me. “You think that erases anything?”
I shook my head. “No.”
“You think we would ever trust you not to do something like that again?”
“No.”
“You threw us to the wolves,” he growled, and I could see his white teeth shining in the dark room. “You think your words mean anything to us? Your apologies? Your explanation? Your excuses?”
I forced the lump down my throat,
keeping my spine straight, but my mouth shut.
“You’re weak,” Michael said. “There’s no way we can trust you.”
“You had years to come forward,” Kai pointed out.
I nodded. Yes. Yes, I did.
“It was hard,” Kai told me, and I could hear the tears in his throat. “We didn’t deserve it.”
My chin trembled, and I clenched my jaw to stop it.
“Will didn’t deserve it,” he continued.
I know. Just thinking about Will in a cell, surrounded by cruel people, locked up in gray walls…
“You’re not good enough for him,” Kai finally said.