“Will Grayson is dancing,” Rika answered, sounding like she was embarrassed for him. “Oh, my God, he’s on a table.”
Everyone in our area broke into laughter, and whatever he was doing must’ve been entertaining.
“My Prerogative” blared, and I couldn’t help but smile and bob my head a little bit. It was a fun choice of music. I’d probably like Will.
“Such a lover, not a fighter,” someone said.
“He’s so hot,” Claudia added.
“If you ever fall for one of them, make it Will or Kai, got it?” Noah said over the table, and I guessed it was to me. “They’ll at least hold you for ten seconds after it’s over.”
I let out a nervous laugh and picked at my food. Okay, maybe I wouldn’t like any of them, after all.
“Guys, be quiet,” Rika said and then to me, “They’re just joking with you.”
Got it. And no worries. I’d steer clear of spoiled seniors. Although, I wondered what my ghost would do if someone liked me. Would he care? Would he know? He could be in the room right now? Hell, he could be Noah.
But I got rid of that notion. I’d held Noah’s arm on the way to Music Appreciation. It wasn’t like his body. Not as tall, not as strong. My insides didn’t do pirouettes when I touched him.
As the music played, though, and everyone was lost in the distraction of Will Grayson’s exhibition, everything started to fade way—the laughter, music, and noise becoming distant as it fell to the background and echoed from somewhere far away.
I wanted to feel him again.
I felt him again. Like I was in his lap, driving. Or huddled behind him, warm but freezing in the night air on the motorcycle. Or wrapped tightly in his arms, hidden in a closet, a world within a world.
I wished he was close. I wished he was watching me. Always watching me. I tucked my hair behind my ear, turning my head toward the direction where I would imagine he was, and reveled in the feeling of his eyes being on me.
“Are you okay?” Rika asked.
The music cut off, and I heard a teacher scolding someone—probably Will—and I nodded. “Yeah.” I dropped my plastic fork and wiped my fingers on a napkin. “When you’re done, would you mind pointing me to the library? I’m going to hang out and listen to some of the readings until class. I’ll have the librarian’s assistant help me to the next class.”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’m done now. Let’s go.”
We picked up our bags, tossed out our lunches, and headed for the doors. But as we went, I smiled to myself, the feeling of him still in my head and his eyes watching me, following me and never leaving me as I exited the cafeteria.
“How about right here?” Rika asked me. “It’s empty and quiet.”
I nodded, reaching the third floor of the library and feeling for the chairs nearby. I found a cushy couch instead and dropped my bag, taking a seat and digging out my phone and earbuds.
“I need to run to the office and get some fliers printed for the Math Club,” she explained. “I can swing by as soon as I’m done and get you for English.”
“Oh, no, it’s fine,” I told her, plugging in my earbuds and relaxing into the corner of the couch. “I’ll find someone. Or…maybe I’ll go wild and find class myself.”
“Don’t do that,” she scolded.
I smiled, half-joking and half not. English One was the first door across the hall from the stairwell upstairs, and the stairwell was right outside the library to the left. I was sure I could make it. And after driving an actual car last night, I kind of wanted to try. It would be the extent of my fun for the day.
But I put her at ease anyway, knowing she still felt guilty about me getting shoved into the locker room. “I’m kidding,” I told her. “I’ll be fine. Someone will help me. I promise.”
“Okay,” she acquiesced. “I’ll see you in class.”
I gave a little wave and stuck in my earbuds, starting the audiobook chapter on Native American tribes and early colonization. I made sure not to put the volume too high, though, so I could hear the first bell alerting me that lunch was over, and I had five minutes to get to class.
I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and listened to the woman’s voice go over tribes of eastern America and Canada and trade with European settlers. Out of all the audiobooks for my classes, I enjoyed this one the most. Her voice was sweet and soft with lots of inflection like she was telling a bedtime story.
Except for Algebra, which was always hard and I had little care for, since I knew I wouldn’t have a career where it would be useful, all my classes were going surprisingly well. My teachers were helpful, and it was getting less awkward to have conversations with them and be open about what I needed. I mean, schools accommodated for learning disabilities, poverty, illness, and severe behavioral problems. By comparison, I couldn’t be that great of a burden, right?
My parents—and Arion—had really done a number on me. While it was the psycho-stalker-sicko who made me smile and gave me confidence. Go figure.