Refusing to let him see me falter, I raised my chin and turned, walking out of the court as the pain and anger dropped like an anchor into my stomach. It sat there like a brick, and the weight was too much. I couldn’t feel anything anymore.
Too much.
I’d been terrorized tonight for no reason, and not only had he not apologized, he was doing everything he could to hurt me more.
Did he feel anything?
I passed partiers and crossed into the foyer, racing up the stairs and into the solitude of my bedroom.
Keeping the lights off, I closed the door and locked it before walking over to my bed and sitting down. I dropped my head and closed my eyes.
I wanted to leave.
I didn’t care about the money or the house. They should be coming to me, begging to make it right.
A knock sounded on the door. “Rika?”
I popped my head up, hearing Kai’s voice and seeing a shadow in the light underneath the door.
“Rika,” he said, knocking again. “Open up.”
The pulse in my neck throbbed. I stood and walked over to the door, turning the handle to make sure it was locked.
“Stay away from me, Kai.”
“Rika, please,” he begged. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.”
I shook my head. Not going to hurt me. You mean any more than you already have?
Twisting the lock, I cracked open the door and saw Kai standing there, dark and tall, dressed in a pair of jeans and a gray T-shirt. His eyebrows were pinched together, and there was a sea of pain in his eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asked, sounding timid.
“No.”
“I won’t touch you,” he promised. “I wanted to hurt you, because I thought you hurt me, and now I know that’s not true.”
“So does that make everything alright?” I glared at him, anger coursing through me. “The stress and the fear you put on me?”
“No,” he rushed out. “I just…”
He dropped his head, looking like he was struggling to find words.
He looked weary.
“I just don’t even know who I am anymore,” he nearly whispered.
I dropped my hand from the doorknob, surprised by what he’d said. It was the first real moment I’d had with any of them in years, and he wasn’t playing with me.
I turned and walked for the bed again, sitting down at the end.
Kai stepped into my room, filling the doorframe and blocking out the light from the hall.
“That night three years ago…” I began, speaking softly, “I felt so alive. I needed the chaos and the anger, and you guys seemed exactly the same. It was a really good feeling not to be alone anymore.”
My eyes watered, thinking back to how, even for a little while, I felt like I belonged somewhere.
“I’m so sorry, Rika. We should’ve made Michael confront you all those years go.” And then he exhaled a shaky breath and ran his hand through his hair. “Your house. Jesus Christ,” he said, as if just realizing the full measure of what they’d done.