She gives me a what-the-fuck look.
I take a step closer to her, and it has her sputtering. “Jase… ah…” and then she just shakes her head and lowers her eyes to the plush carpet.
I close the distance between us, and placing my finger under Mila’s chin, I lift her face to me. “Why do you want me to leave?”
“Ah…” She cowers back from me, and it makes my eyes sharpen on her. “I don’t want you seeing me half-naked.”
“Why?”
She swallows hard. “Because I’m not comfortable.”
“With what?” I keep pushing her.
If she can get through this, I’ll believe she’s healed.
Her jaw clenches, and then she grinds out, “I don’t want you seeing me.”
Tilting my head, I lift her chin again and catch her eyes. “Why?”
“Jase,” she groans, and it sounds desperate.
Not giving in, I whisper, “Tell me why, and I’ll leave.”
Mila shakes her head, and tears begin to shine in her eyes.
I move a little closer, and it makes her tighten her grip on the fabric in her hands.
Then she shoves me back with one hand and shouts, “I can’t even look at myself.” She gasps for air, and anger tightens her features. “There, I said it. Are you happy now?”
Not at all.
My eyes hold her angry gaze. “You’ve been pretending to be okay all along, haven’t you?”
“I am fine!” she snaps, and pushing by me, she rushes to the bathroom.
My gut kept telling me she wasn’t dealing, and it was right. Mila’s been putting on an act all along.
I go to sit on her bed, and a couple of minutes later, the door swings open. She’s put on the blouse again.
Her gaze flits around the room, and she looks uneasy.
Getting up, I close the distance between us and wrap her up against my chest, and it’s all it takes for her to give in.
Her hands go to my back, and she grips hold of my shirt as her body begins to jerk. She smothers her sobs against my chest.
Closing my eyes, I press kisses to her hair and whisper, “Why did you keep it all in?” Another kiss to her cheek. “Why did you push yourself so hard?”
“I… just… wanted everyone… to be normal… around me,” she cries, and it fucking breaks my heart.
“Even me?”
She nods, and a soft sob escapes her, then she whispers, “Especially you.”
I bring my hands to her face and pull her a little back to see her eyes. “Mila, don’t pretend around me. I know you’re fucking fierce and strong. You don’t have to prove that to me.”
She pulls her face free and slams back into my chest. “I don’t want you to pity me.”
“Oh, babe,” I let out on a breath. I lower my mouth to her ear and whisper, “That will never happen.”Chapter 25MILANo. No. No. No.
What have I done?
I fought so hard to put on the brave act, and now it’s all for nothing.
Shame burns through me, and in its wake, it leaves only the ashes of who I once was. The girl I’ve been pretending to be.
I’m pathetic.
It’s been two weeks already, and I even got an apology from Justin, but for some sick reason, I can’t let go of the nightmare.
Jase lets go of me, and I use the back of my hand to wipe the tears from my face. “Put on something comfortable, then we’ll talk. I’m waiting right outside your door.”
I watch him leave, hating myself even more for causing him more worry.
Drained and out of strength to fight, I walk to my closet and strip out of the blouse and skirt I wore for the interview. I pull on a pair of comfy sweatpants and a t-shirt and then suck in a deep breath. The ache in my chest is once again welcomed as I walk out of my room to face Jase.
He doesn’t say anything until we’re sitting on his bed. With my legs crossed, I wrap one hand around my waist and use the other to draw random patterns on the covers.
“Why can’t you look at yourself?” Jase asks.
I squeeze my eyes shut as another wave of shame hits. After a couple of seconds, I whisper, “I don’t want to see the scar and bruises.”
Jase reaches for me, and he pulls me onto his lap. He leans back against the headboard and presses a kiss to my temple, then asks, “But the bruising will fade on your ribs.”
I shake my head and press my face into his neck. “The bite mark.”
Jase is quiet for a moment, and it makes my whole body tense. I startle when he turns me to face him, and keeping my eyes on his chest, I straddle him.
“Look at me.” His voice is soft as his hands settle on my sides.
I lift my eyes to his, and when I see the caring expression on his face, it makes the lump return to my throat.