Colton’s words only make more questions pop into my head, but I bite them back.
“Since birth, Brady was the sensitive one, and he took it so much harder than me,” Colton admits. Bringing his gaze to mine, he explains, “Our father wasn’t the loving parent you always saw whenever you paid us a visit. He never missed a chance to let us know how pathetic he thought we were. After you and Brady started dating, things got worse. He’d constantly rant at Brady, telling him he’d never be good enough for you.” Colton pauses for a moment. “Brady started believing everything the old man spewed at him, no matter how hard I tried to tell him any different.”
The news doesn’t hit me like a lightning bolt. Instead, it feels like I’m slowly being drowned. It’s becoming harder to breathe as pain fills my chest. “Mr. Lawson was abusive?” I ask for clarity.
Colton nods. “He never got physical, but damn, sometimes I think it would’ve hurt less if he’d just hit us, instead of laying into us with his rants of how useless we were.”
Hearing Brady was abused is breaking my heart all over again. He was so sweet and wouldn’t hurt a fly. Tears well in my eyes and unable to stop them, they spill over my cheeks.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice hoarse from the overwhelming feelings. I know the full impact of Colton’s words hasn’t hit me yet. It feels like I’m stuck in the calm before the storm. “I wish I had known. I would’ve tried to help.”
Colton lets out a deep breath and glances at me. Seeing my tears, he awkwardly places an arm around my shoulders. “We didn’t want anyone to know. Back then, we both believed we were worthless.”
Brady ended his life because he didn’t feel like he was worth anything?
Oh, my God.
I suck in a painful breath before I say, “He meant everything to me. I loved Brady with all of my heart. Didn’t he know that?”
Slowly Colton rubs his hand over my back. “He knew, Jade. He just couldn’t handle the abuse any longer. It broke him.”
Lifting my hand to my face, I cover my mouth to muffle the sob escaping my lips.
Brady was always so loving toward me. I try to remember our time together, but still, I can’t find any signs that Brady was being abused at home.
“What happened the night he… he…” I can’t bring myself to say the words.
Colton pulls his arm back and rests his elbows on his knees again. Staring out over the campus, he says, “When Brady got home from the party, he was upset.”
What did Hunter do to upset Brady?
Before I can voice the question, Colton continues, “We were in our room. Brady admitted to me that you were ready to take your relationship to the next step.”
My eyes widen, and I shift uncomfortably on the bench.
“He didn’t believe he deserved a girl like you. I tried to tell him he did and that your feelings for each other were all that mattered.”
I wipe a trail of tears from my cheek. It feels like my heart is splitting right down the middle. Back then, all I thought about was having sex with Brady, and not once did I consider that he might not be ready.
I close my eyes against the pain the realization causes.
“Our dad overheard the conversation, and he laid into Brady again.” Colton sucks in some air and lightly shakes his head. “I should’ve stayed at home, but I got so angry and not wanting to make things worse, I left.” Colton brings his devastated eyes to mine. “If I had stayed at home that night, Brady would still be here.”
I shake my head and impulsively wrap my arms around Colton, hugging him. “It was your father’s fault,” I try to console him.
And Hunter’s.
I’m about to ask the question when Colton pulls back and shakes his head at me. “It was also my mother’s fault and mine. We all knew he was an abusive bastard, but none of us did anything. We all worked our asses off to hide our dirty family secret.”
Knowing Colton needs to hear the words, I say, “Brady loved you so much. He always said how lucky he was to have a big brother like you.”
“Some big brother I was.” Colton chokes on the words, and my hand darts up to pat his back. “I wasn’t there when he needed me most. I left him to deal with that asshole all alone.”
“I’m so sorry, Colton,” I whisper. “I can’t begin to imagine how bad things were. I should’ve seen the signs as well.”
We sit in silence with our guilt and loss.
Knowing I could’ve done something to help Brady if only I had known, eats away at my soul. My tears dry up because I have no right to shed them. I let a loved one down, and it makes me wonder what else I’ve been blind to in my life.