For a school full of bullies. “Sounds like a living hell.”
“It was. But I put my head down and told myself to get through it. To graduate, then I’m out of here. But even the graduation ceremony, god. I was valedictorian, so I gave a speech, and half the kids in my class thought it was real funny to put on these big, thick glasses with fake water and fish in the lenses.”
Christ. “That was the Carrie moment she was talking about?”
Alicia nods. “I mean, it wasn’t pig’s blood. But it was…” Her voice thickens. After a second, she continues, “I kept my focus on Mom and Sam in the audience and got through it. And of course college wasn’t so bad. Though I was…well, let’s just say that I didn’t trust people easily. So when someone showed interest, I’d start looking for what they weren’t telling me. Because I just knew they must be lying, or they had some other angle. Or waiting for them to humiliate me the second I tried to be sexy. So, yeah. That kind of suspicion doesn’t exactly go over well on first dates.”
I’m not sorry. I wish to hell she’d never experienced the hurt that caused it, but glad as fuck that she never let anyone else close enough to steal her heart. Or I wouldn’t be here now.
Though I don’t understand why she’s here. “Why the fuck did you come back to this town?”
“I wasn’t going to. I didn’t think Sam was ever going to, either. So when she applied with the county sheriff’s office, I asked her ‘What the hell are you thinking?’ And she said to me, ‘If I leave, then I can’t change anything here.’ She told me that I should go, though. Because the assholes are still here. Most of them. Not all of them are as bad now, but…well, you saw today. And Sam hated seeing me hurt.”
I hate seeing her hurt, too. “But you came back?”
“Because she was right.” Her voice hoarsens slightly. “And going away to college for a while did help. Meeting people who appreciated who I was—or who were more like me. So I was stronger, more sure of myself. And so I came back with one purpose: to make sure every kid that goes through my classes comes out a little kinder, a little more empathetic—and with a healthy respect for science and the idea that the world around them is bigger than they realize, and includes so many different things, and the way all those different things exist together is what makes it so amazing. So maybe fewer kids will have to go through what I did, and everyone ends up a little better than their parents were.”
And that would be her way of changing this town. “I knew you were smart, baby. I had no idea how fucking brave you are.”
I knew she was courageous, because to get through these past few months, she had to be. But she’s been brave for a hell of a lot longer than she’s been a werewolf.
Her eyes shimmer with tears again and she buries her face in my neck, holding me so tight. Her hot breath shudders against my skin, then she says in a wavering voice, “But I wonder if that’s what the problem is. That I’m not really brave. That I’m just…cowering inside while putting up a tough façade. And that’s why I can’t tame my beast.”
“Cowering? No.” Cradling her face in my hands, I make her look at me. “That’s not what I saw today. I saw a strong, brave woman protecting something vulnerable inside herself. And you know what this curse does, yeah? It rips you apart, separates you into the things you hide and the things you don’t. Some people, that means all the bad shit they’re careful to keep concealed. The kind of monstrous shit that makes them attack people and eat pieces of them. You, though…what you’ve kept hidden is this sexy, sweet part of you that got hurt so bad after you let one person see it, and he betrayed your trust and showed it to everyone else. And you didn’t always hide that part of you, because you showed it to me long before you were bit. You’ve been showing it to me ever since I got here. But I’m guessing that, especially with other people in this town, you’ve kept it pretty well under wraps. Yeah?”
She nods into my hands. “I do,” she whispers. “Though less so when I’m with you. Because I like the way you look at me…and I don’t notice other people looking when you’re around.”
“That’s not cowering, Alicia. That’s you choosing who to trust with this vulnerable part of yourself—because not everyone deserves it. Not everyone has earned it. Hell, I don’t know if I deserve it or if I’ve earned it. But I’m so fucking grateful that I’ve got it. Though you don’t have to dress a certain way with me. I’ll look at you like that no matter what you wear.”