At some point, we’ll move into the district ranger’s residence. But I figure if Alicia was ready to go, she’d already have packed a few things. She hasn’t yet, though—and I’m not rushing her. I know she likes the house. I know she loves me. What’s likely holding her back is hanging up in the sky, growing fuller every night.
She looks up at the moon now, her gaze shifting away from another burst of fireworks. The silvery light glints in her green eyes, the moonglow falling gently on a face that dictates every emotion in my heart. When she smiles, my whole fucking world shines. And if a shadow of unhappiness appears, I’m desperate to fix whatever’s hurting her.
“You’re so damn beautiful, baby.”
She smiles now and darts a glance up at me, a blush rising beneath her pale skin. “You make me feel beautiful.”
“You’re so smart and sweet and sexy, you ought to always be feeling that way.”
A laugh shakes her against my side. “You really do love me.”
Because I think she’s beautiful? “Did you doubt it?”
“No.” Her laughter eases into a soft sigh. A faint smile still curves her full lips when she pillows her head on my shoulder again. “I don’t.”
But she must doubt something, because her gold chain still isn’t around my neck. “Are you worried about the full moon coming?”
“Yes,” she says. “But not like I used to be.”
“Just afraid of it hurting?”
She nods.
And it’s the one thing I’m helpless to stop. Which rips me apart, knowing that she wouldn’t have to hurt if her beast was tamed. If I could fix whatever it is that’s holding her back.
My voice is thick as I ask her, “Is there anything you need that I’m not giving you, baby?”
“What? No.” Something in her voice says that she can’t believe that I could think so. She pulls back to look up at me, her gaze searching my face. “You’re giving me everything I need. More than everything.”
But there’s something. Maybe she just doesn’t know what it is any better than I do.
Biting her bottom lip, she continues watching me—then moves up to swing her leg over mine, straddling my lap so we’re face-to-face. With her forefinger, she gently draws a line across my throat where her chain would go.
“Is this about me not taming my beast yet?”
Ah, fuck. I know she’s already feeling uncertain and worried about that. As if she’s not doing something right. I don’t want her to believe that’s what I’m thinking, too.
There’s only one reason I care if she tames her beast. “I just don’t want you to go through the pain of transforming again.”
When her beast is tamed, it should be painless.
She gives me a wry smile. “I’m not looking forward to it, either. And I don’t know much about this curse…but I know that whatever is wrong, it’s nothing you’ve done. Or haven’t done. It’s something about me.”
“There’s not a damn thing wrong with you, Alicia.”
“Well, maybe not wrong. Just…afraid.”
“Of what?”
She shrugs, then wraps her arms around my neck, burying her face in my throat. Shy or hiding, I’m not sure which.
Heart aching, I hold her close, fingers tangled in her hair. Silently I wait—letting her work through whatever it is she’s working through.
After a minute, she says quietly, “You know what’s weird?”
“A whole lot of shit.”
I feel her smile against my skin before she pulls back, fingers still linked behind my neck. “That’s true. But more specifically—I didn’t do the fangs and claws thing with Joy today. Even though I was so…”
Angry. And hurt. She was hurt so bad that I smelled her pain from across the yard, heard it in every word she said. A growl rumbles from me, just remembering.
“That,” Alicia says. “I was so… Grrr. Just so sickened and pissed off. And so disgusted that she was attacking me for no damn reason. But my beast didn’t even try to pop out. She was so afraid. She just wanted to hide. Which is the exact opposite of what I thought would ever happen in that situation.”
Opposite of what I would have guessed, too. Though maybe because I never thought on it too hard. I’ve only seen Alicia’s beast come out twice—once that first night, and once to protect herself when my transformation scared her. It sounds as if what Alicia expected today was more like what happened when she was scared.
But I’ve seen the beast differently. “She was so shy with me, baby—as if afraid of showing me her true self. So vulnerable, even with those teeth and claws. And so hurt when I wouldn’t fuck her without you being fully awake.”
Sudden tears fill Alicia’s green eyes, though she laughs a little through them. “She really is me, isn’t she?”
So sweet and beautiful. “Yeah. She is.”
Nodding, she closes her eyes, teardrops sliding over her cheeks. “It’s so stupid, you know.”