Sunlight poured in through the massive windows overlooking the river, and I squinted through bleary eyes. Sickness bloomed in my stomach when I saw the name on the screen.
Of course.
At seven in the mornin’.
Who else would it be?
As if I didn’t have enough to deal with.
Flinging my arm over my eyes like a shield, I accepted the call and pushed the phone to my ear.
“Nile.” I gave it my all to keep my voice from shaking.
“Emily.” He breathed out in what sounded like disappointment and relief. “I haven’t heard from you in weeks. Why haven’t you returned my calls?”
I swallowed around the knot of irritation that burned hot in my chest. Was he serious? After everything?
“I never said that I would.”
Silence traveled through the distance. His anger was almost palpable, though I knew he was trying to rein it in considering he sure didn’t have a right in the world for it to be there. Still, there was an accusation in his tone. “You used to call every day.”
“Yes, Nile, that was when we were engaged. When I was committed to you and you were committed to me. We aren’t anymore. Do you see how that works?”
Couldn’t keep the snippiness out of my voice.
I mean, really, who did he think he was?
“I care about you. I was worried.”
Resentful laughter rippled out. “You cheated on me.”
Wasn’t there when I needed him most. When I’d gone to him at the worst time of my life, and I’d found him with her.
An indignant huff came through the line. “Because you were gone for three fuckin’ months. Had guys drooling all over you every time you got up on that damn stage while you left me here alone. What else was I supposed to do?”
Right. All of that made it just fine?
“Oh, I don’t know . . . respect me? Cherish me? Realize I was worth the wait?” I spat at him, hurt and hatred bleeding out.
He sighed. “You are worth the wait.”
I laughed again, no amusement in the sound. “You should have thought about that then.”
“Maybe you should come home. Where you belong. We’ll work it out. You know how good we are when we’re together.”
“There’s no working this out, Nile.”
Sadness pulsed through my spirit, cracks that throbbed where everything good had leaked out and left me hollow.
Dreams that had been lost.
Love that had been crushed.
“Emily,” he murmured, his voice turning low and pleading, and I fought the threat of tears I could feel pricking at the backs of my eyes. I couldn’t do this with him. Not again. Not anymore.
“Please . . . just don’t, Nile. What’s done is done. It’s over.”
“We aren’t finished. You know we’re not. Tell me you don’t still feel this.”
Grief bound my chest.
“You want to hear that I still feel it, Nile? Fine. You’re right. I do. I still feel it. I still feel the remnants of the devastation I felt when I came home and found you with her. I can still feel the split right down the middle of my heart. I still feel the betrayal carved into my soul. And I promise you, I don’t ever want to feel that again.”
Without allowing him to say anything else, I ended the call, needing to cut off that train before he pushed me any further. Before he backed me up against a wall, and I completely lost it.
God, I wished there was a way to eradicate everything.
Start over.
Before I let myself drown in an ocean of turmoil, I forced myself up to sitting, knowing I had so many more things to face this mornin’ than just my ex-fiancé.
Instantly, I was hit with a rush of dizziness. The residual of last night’s alcohol slugged nausea through my veins, and a vague memory was pressing into my mind.
My hand slid down my trembling body, checking to see that I was still whole. That his touch hadn’t shattered all the pieces I was trying to hold together.
Royce.
I’d fallen into bed still wearing the red dress that was now wrinkled and crumpled to shame, so confused and unsettled by the stranger who’d made me feel different—reminded me that I was still inside, maybe beaten and shackled and a little bit broken, my spirit dimmed, but I was there.
Alive.
A tinge of hope still burning in the depths.
I’d be a fool to deny it wasn’t more than that, though. That was shocking in itself. He’d touched me in a way I was sure I’d never been touched before, passion boiling over and inciting a raging storm that had come from out of nowhere.
As beautiful as it was devastating.
Then he’d just . . . left.
Left me standing there aching and needy and more bewildered than I’d ever been. Offering myself to a man who I’d sworn had wanted me every bit as badly as I’d wanted him. I’d been desperate to stand in his flames, to experience the rush and thrill.