“White is for virgins,” she says, backing onto my hand.
“There are still so many things I haven’t done to you,” I murmur, admiring her smooth apple of an ass. “You practically are a virgin.”
“Tell me what things,” she says. “It’s only fair. You’ve read most of my dirty thoughts.”
“Most?” My cock strains against the confines of my underwear. I pull my shirt over my head before removing my pants.
“You think I could fit everything in one journal?” she asks.
I stroke myself and look up at the ceiling. Lord, help me. This woman is figuring out just what it takes to ruin me, and I’m not even going to try and stop her. “All right. I’ll tell you. We’ve fucked, we’ve made love,” I say. “We’ve even dry humped.”
She drops her forehead onto a cushion. “What else is there?”
I can’t go much longer like this. I’m so hard, it hurts. My balls actually pulse. “I haven’t fucked your mouth.”
“I’ve given you a blowjob.”
“I’m not talking about that.” I yank her underwear down around her thighs and suck on my two favorite fingers. “I’m talking about fucking your mouth.”
Her legs are already shaking, and I’ve barely touched her. I tease her entrance to get her as wet as possible.
“What else?” she asks.
She wants to hear more. I’ve eaten her dirty secrets like candy, and now she’s the hungry one. Maybe it’s not my hands making her wet, but the admission of what I want. Exposing myself through the ways I want to own her. “Your ass,” I say. “I’ll get that too, but later. There’s enough time for me to explore, lick, suck, and fuck every hole on your body. You can be my student, my patient, my submissive, my toy. Even my teacher. If you want those things.”
Her back expands with a deep inhale. “What else?”
Greedy, just like me. I curl my fingers inside her and massage. “Mmm. In public. Side of the road, friendly skies, beach—whatever does it for you.”
She groans. “Don’t stop.”
When I first saw Halston through the window, there’s no doubt I was attracted to her. But now that she’s bared herself to me, she’s walking sex. It isn’t just physical. It’s the way she’s let me in so deep, so fast. I’ve submerged myself in her, or she’s done it for me. “I want to fuck you as a bride,” I say, pushing the limits of the conversation as I finger her to the edge. “In a wedding dress so white, any stain would show.”
“Oh my God,” she says, writhing on my hand. “Keep talking.”
“I want to come inside you so bad. Make you mine. I want you so many ways, and one day, as the mother of my child. If you want those things.”
“Why?” she asks. “Why do you want to ruin me?”
“Just in case any other fucker tries to come along,” I say. Her pussy flutters around me. With my fingers inside her, I bear down and line my cock up to her entrance. It takes me a few seconds to get just my head into such a tight space. “To me, you’ll never be ruined, Halston. You’ll always be perfect. Am I hurting you?”
She fists the cushion and shakes her head. “Are you going to do it like that?”
I slide out a little and push deeper, the ridges of my shaft rubbing against my knuckles. “If I last long enough, yeah. Does it feel good?”
“I feel . . . tight.”
“So goddamn tight.” I flatten my other hand on her lower back and pump my hips a few times. When she moans, I flick my fingers inside her and fuck her for real. She’s shuddering in no time, making noises so foreign, I have to check to make sure she isn’t crying. She’s in the throes of an intense orgasm. Her cum, or maybe mine, seeps onto my balls, over my hand. My body reacts to the sight of it. Mid-thrust, I yank out of her and erupt all over her back, thighs, dress, stockings.
Fuck.
My legs buckle, and I steady myself on the back of the couch. By the time I’m finished, cum drips down her skin.
I’m breathless. She’s so still, for a second, I’m worried she passed out. Or that I fucked up by thinking it was okay to come on her. I massage her ass cheeks, her lower back. She moans, turning her head to the side. Hair sticks to her temple. “Finn.”
I don’t have to ask what she needs.
I tug her up by her arm, and she stands, her back to my front. I turn her face to give me access to her mouth. I kiss her for the way I just took her, feed her love so she knows how I worship her body even when I’m rough.
“You can come inside me,” she whispers.
“I know.”
She liquefies against me. I love it. I love her.
I’m the lucky bastard who gets to hold her against me, making sure she doesn’t fall. The one who can chase her sadness away.
I hope I’m always the one to do it. And that I’m always able to.
19
Around the corner from Halston’s office, I browse a selection of flowers outside a bodega. They’re nothing extraordinary, overshadowed by miniature Christmas trees, metallic ribbons, and potted poinsettias. But they’re here now. If time and money were no object, I might aim for something nicer.
It’s no coincidence that I’m here, but I’m not about to admit that to her.
I choose red roses. Red says romance. It’s the color of love and sex.
It also means stop, for anyone who might need to hear it.
I hand over some cash and once I have the bouquet in hand, I call Halston.
“I was just thinking about you,” she answers.
“You must’ve sensed me nearby.”
“What?” Her voice pitches. “You’re here?”
“Downstairs.” I grin. “I had a thing in the area. Let’s go for lunch.”
“Really?” I hear the smile in her voice. “All right. I just have to finish up a few e-mails. I’ll be right down.”
“There’s no rush. I’ll come up.”
“No, no, don’t bother. I can meet you in the lobby.”
Halston has a whole other life I’m not part of, and that’s been fine up until now. But I’ve told her I’m falling for her. I’m not going anywhere. I just want to make sure that message is clear. “And miss the opportunity to finally see where you spend your days?” I ask. “Fourth floor, right?”
“Well—”
I hang up and cross 14th Street. On the ride up the elevator, I smooth my hair and scruff into place. I decided not to shave the stubble I already had this morning, but maybe I should’ve. Maybe it’s more “wandering vagrant” than “intimidating boyfriend.” The doors open to a white-tiled, gray-walled lobby with black and white print ads on the walls. I wonder if Halston chose which ones to feature.
Halston comes around a corner and smiles. “Are those for me?”
I look at the roses. “Oh. I hadn’t thought of that. Sure.”
She laughs and takes them. I lean in, but she pulls away before I can kiss her. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”
“Why not?” I ask. “Are we doing something wrong?”
She twists her lips and turns away. “I’ll show you my office.”
I place my hand on the small of her back and walk with her. She doesn’t seem to mind that. As she points out the different departments, I look around the office. It’s a big floor. Rich works on the opposite side, but apparently that doesn’t keep him away. I don’t know what he looks like, but I think I’ll know him if I see him. In case there’s any question the roses are from me, I keep my hand where it is. If he’s not here to see it, maybe someone will deliver the message.
Halston stops at a desk where a girl around her age is working on a computer. “Benny, this is Finn.”
Benny arches her eyebrows, looking between us. “Finn? The guy who . . . the one—”
“The very same,” I say. “I think I have you to thank for sending her to my doorstep that night.”
Benny’s cheeks redden. “It was my friend, Cara. She’s loony.”
I kiss the side of Halston’s head. “Thank her for me, B
enny.”
Benny and Halston exchange a look that makes me wonder what I’m missing. “Dad?” Halston asks.
“Across town,” Benny says.
Halston exhales a breath and finally takes my hand. She pulls me into her office, shuts the door, and leans back against it. “I know why you’re here.”
“You do?”
“My office is on your fuck-et list.”
I straighten up. “My what?”