“My, my, Mrs. Wilson,” he crooned. The designation still recalled the image of Bill’s mom, but I’d managed to control my grimace finally. It remained one of the reasons I hadn’t officially changed my surname. “What big green eyes you have,” he continued, touching his lips to the corner of my eye. “And such pretty blonde hair,” he added, brushing a lock from my forehead. His hips ground against me in anticipation. I reached up and ran my hand through his floppy brown hair, cocking my head to the side.
“Not blonde, just plain brown,” I said with a pout.
“What?” he asked with feigned surprise. “You must be colorblind. I see some blonde strands in there.”
“You just want to tell people you married a blonde.”
“Agree to disagree, then.” His crooked nose creased with a smile. He loved to say he’d broken it during one-on-one, but the truth was that it was just naturally that way.
He unhooked my bra swiftly, gently cupping my breasts in each of his hands. His fingers were long and I didn’t quite fill them up. From the living room, the unmistakable sounds of a heated basketball game blared from the television.
The motions were familiar but pleasurable. His soothing touch had become defter, more confident, over time. And his usually awkward nature became more fluid. He groaned my name as he pushed himself into me, pulling my hips closer. I echoed his movements, my arousal growing with his satisfaction. I watched beads of sweat form on his brow, more apparent when his face screwed up with pleasure. He didn’t kiss me again, but I’d become accustomed to that. Making out, I’d decided, was for teenagers. I inhaled his natural scent, enhanced by a salty concoction of unwashed hair and fresh perspiration; it was always sharper when we were making love. I felt a twinge inside and sighed softly, but then it was gone. It wasn’t long before he came, squeezing his eyes shut as he called out and collapsing onto me.
“I’m sorry,” he breathed into my ear after a moment. “Do you want - ”
“No, it’s fine,” I reassured him, suddenly tired from the wine. “It was nice.”
It took him less than two minutes to fall asleep; I knew because I often watched the clock as I waited. I untangled myself from his clutch and tiptoed out of the room. Once the apartment was dark and still, and I’d washed my face of the day, I returned to cocoon myself in the soft sheets. He stirred and reached for me, but I expertly dodged his grasp. I’d had to learn to find the comfort in postcoital cuddling. I was always the one left with tingling limbs and uncomfortable sweating as I willed myself to sleep.
A twinge. Though the sex was comfortable and good, a twinge wasn’t going to get me very far. I let my head roll to the side to look at my husband. At one point he’d wanted my orgasm as much as I did, but it was the one thing I couldn’t give him. There were times when we’d been close, when the stars and the body parts had aligned, and I’d shuddered in response. But when it came time for the grand finale, I’d buckled under the pressure.
Bill had found comfort in the fact that it wasn’t just him. I’d been with other men before him, mostly in college, but despite my efforts, had yet to find my slice of Nirvana. I couldn’t find comfort in that, though. To me, it was my eternal flaw and as a wife, my greatest inadequacy. If things were the other way around, could I live with the fact that I couldn’t pleasure Bill?
I was happy though. I had other ways of getting myself off when necessary. I had my husband, who loved me in spite of everything. My life was pretty much as perfect as a night of good friends, wine and sex. I lay in bed and watched the ceiling, waiting for sleep. Yes, I was happy.
CHAPTER 2
“DON’T FORGET, tonight is dinner with Mack and Davena.” I rummaged in my purse for my building pass.
“Got it,” Bill said, tapping his head. “I’ll meet you there, I can’t get out of the office any sooner.”
“I know babe, that’s why I scheduled it for eight o’clock. Luckily the Donovans aren’t early birds.”
“No shit. They’re bigger partiers than us, which is depressing considering they’re twice our age.” He leaned down to peck me on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.”
“Thanks for taking me to work today. I owe you,” I said with a wink.
“Love you,” he called as I shut the door behind me.
“Oh, hello fancy girl!” I heard from behind me. “Can’t be bothered with public transportation like the rest of us?”
“Hi, Jenny.”
“I love Fridays,” she said as we walked to the front of the building. “They’re so full of possibility. Do you know what I love more than Fridays though? Gossip.”
“Oh, Jenny, where do you get all your information?” I teased.
“Nothing gets by reception,” she said seriously. “Beman’s going to fire Diane.”
“What?” I said, stopping suddenly. “He wouldn’t fire a senior editor with everything that’s coming up. How do you know?”
“I just know, Liv. I also know that he’s going to hire you in her place.”
“You’re joking,” I said, trying to suppress a smile. “But isn’t Lisa next in line? Are you sure?”
“Yep. Everyone knows you’ve been carrying Diane’s load for years.” She touched my arm, and I stiffened slightly. “Since we’re early, do you want to grab a coffee with me?”
“No,” I sighed with faux disappointment. “I want to get a head start on the day. I’ll see you up there?”
“Yup!”
I headed to the fourteenth floor and shook my head in disbelief. My dad would be so happy if I pulled this off. I’d been working hard under Diane for years but senior editor was a leap. Was I ready to step into her position?
Coming off the elevator, I almost ran smack into the editor-in-chief and balked as I was hit with the smell of his self-tanner. The many wrinkles etched around his eyes deepened when his face pinched the way it did now.
“Good morning, Olivia,” he said as we switched positions. “Nice to see you here early. Come by my office in an hour, I have something I’d like to discuss with you.”
“Absolutely, Mr. Beman,” I said as the elevator doors closed between us. I turned the corner to see Lisa through the glass doors, hovering over Jenny’s desk. Damn. I exhaled audibly and pushed through the doors to Chicago Metropolitan Magazine, giving her a quick wave. What time does she get here anyway?
I made sure to arrive at Beman’s office exactly one hour after our conversation. I didn’t need any time to know that I would say yes to the opportunity. I watched him tediously tidy his desk as I waited. He wasn’t the first difficult boss I’d worked under, but there was something unsettling about the air he gave off. His back was a little too straight, and the part in his white hair was a little too perfect.
“I fired Diane this morning,” he said suddenly, never one for small talk. I didn’t have to fake my surprise because before I had a chance to respond, he continued. “I’ve been very pleased with your work as an editorial assistant. Not only do I think of you as an innovative editor, but your writing style fits the magazine very well.”
“Thank you, Mr. Beman, your opinion is very important to me.” I was more shocked by the compliment than by the morning’s news.
“It’s not my opinion, it’s just the truth,” he said, bringing me down a notch. “In any case, I’d like to move Lisa into Diane’s position and give you her title of associate editor.” I felt my face redden with disappointment. I almost wished Jenny hadn’t mentioned anything, and I definitely wished I wouldn’t have to work as Lisa’s inferior.
“Mr. Beman, if I may, I’ve been working closely with Diane for almost three years now. I believe I’m ready to step into her position.”
He eyed me carefully as I remained passive, watching him back. “As an associate editor, Lisa is technically next in line. You believe you’re ready, though?”
“Yes,” I confirmed.
“Let’s try this then. We’ll start with one of our most popular features: Chicago’s Most Eligible Bachelors
and Bachelorettes. It’s got potential to be our top-selling issue of the year. Let’s try to entice advertisers with our best selection of people yet. Move into Diane’s office for now and work with Lisa on the feature, along with whatever other assignments Diane had coming up. I’ll decide who I’d like to promote after the issue hits.”
I nodded and stood up to shake his hand. “I’m in. Thanks for the opportunity.” He sent me on my way with the news that Diane was already cleared out and he requested that I send Lisa in to see him. She gave me a knowing, slightly triumphant smile as she glided past me to his office.
After moving what few items I had from my cubicle to Diane’s office, I excitedly picked up planning where she’d left off. In my enthusiasm, I decided to enlist the help of an intern.
“Looks like we’ll be working together on Most Eligible,” I said, poking my head into Lisa’s office on my way to the interns’ station. She only grunted in response, never taking her eyes off her computer screen. Lisa was nothing if not passive aggressive, which would be fine if her bitterness didn’t surface in other ways. “So I’ll come by this afternoon and we can get started. I can catch you up on where Diane left off.”
She blinked up at me for a quick second. “Great Liv! I’m crazy this afternoon, but I’m sure I can squeeze you in.”
I gave her a tight smile, but she was already ignoring me again. Moments later I was staring at the back of a short blonde bob that ended in soft pink ends. “Hi.”
A young girl, who I guessed to be just out of college, turned suddenly. “Hi, uh, Mrs. Germaine.”
“Are you Serena?”
“Yes. Oh, is it Ms. Germaine or Mrs. Germaine? Jenny wasn’t sure.” She glanced at my ring. “Or something else.”