Mya dragged in a shaky breath, determinedly so not disappointed he hadn’t kissed her, and followed him to the office.
There was really only one reason why Brad had offered to help Mya. One carnal, driving reason. But now she was in his house he fully regretted it. Her scent tormented him. The light sweetness overlaid with the tart lemon from the bar. Yeah, that was Mya. He switched on the computer with deliberately calm movements. In truth, he wanted to spin in his seat and grab her, have her over his desk in a second and kiss every inch of her skin. Here, in his bed, the kitchen, everywhere. He had the sinking feeling she’d haunt his house for ever if he didn’t get her out of his system.
But there was no doubt she was waiting for him to make his move. His playboy reputation had all her barriers up, and though he knew he could eventually get her to say yes, he didn’t want to be that predictable. He didn’t want her thinking she knew all there was to know about him. Because she didn’t. He wasn’t that out of control. He didn’t want to be that out of control. And he wasn’t that shallow—at least he hoped not. So he bit back the raging lust and concentrated on the case searches instead.
He quickly read the list she pulled out. It wouldn’t take him that long.
She had her textbook out and was making notes already. He smiled as he watched her discreetly while logging in to the online databases. She was so natural with her hair tied back and her pen in hand, ready to take notes as she read—fast. She’d eased right into it, looking more relaxed and at home than he’d ever seen her in the bar, for all the effort that she put in there. And that was the difference, he figured: there it was a big effort, whereas this—reading, studying, thinking—was effortless for her. And natural.
‘You really like corporate law, or is it about the earning potential?’ he couldn’t resist asking when he was about halfway through the list.
She lifted her head and met his eyes for a too-short moment. ‘I really do like it.’ She looked at the pages. ‘Does that surprise you? I like the challenge. I like figuring out the rules. I like the power in negotiation.’
He nodded but couldn’t help thinking she was holding something back. Her drive was so strong.
‘You think I’m shallow?’ She looked up again and this time he saw the flicker of insecurity in her eyes. It mattered to her what he thought of her?
‘No,’ he answered honestly. ‘Different people enjoy different things. Different people have different things driving them.’
She nodded, but to his disappointment didn’t open up more.
‘Why are you doing summer school?’ He couldn’t help asking. ‘Why do you work so many shifts? Aren’t you on scholarship?’
‘Not any more.’
‘Why not?’
Mya took in a deep breath. She never usually discussed this—but telling Brad might be a darn good idea. It might help keep her focused around him. ‘I failed.’
His fingers stopped on the keyboard and he swivelled in the chair to face her. ‘You finally flunked an exam? Don’t worry about it—everyone does sometime.’
Somehow she didn’t think he had. ‘I didn’t flunk one. I flunked them all. Finals last year I completely crashed.’
‘What happened?’ His eyes widened.
Yeah, it had been a shock to her too. She’d always been the super-bright one. The rebellious but diligent student who was there on sufferance because she dragged the school’s academic rankings up single-handedly.
‘What happened?’ he asked again when she said nothing. ‘Your family? Is everyone okay?’
‘It was nothing catastrophic.’ She turned away and began underlining random sentences with pencil. ‘It was embarrassing.’
‘So what happened?’
She really didn’t want to go into it but going into it would put the ice on any hot thoughts—hers and his—and she wanted to get through this night without being tempted. ‘I met a guy. I thought he was, you know, the one.’ Now she was blushing with embarrassment, because she’d been so naïve. ‘But he totally wasn’t. He broke up with me two days out from exams and I … handled it badly.’ It was mortifying now to look back on, but she’d been hurt. She’d finally thought she’d found a place to fit in, and she couldn’t have been more wrong.
‘What a jerk breaking up at exam time.’
She nodded. ‘He was. But I was an idiot. A big idiot.’ Because she’d gone out and made everything worse.
‘How big?’
‘I went out and got really drunk.’
‘Oh.’ He was silent a moment. ‘Did something bad happen?’
‘Not bad. But not that great either.’ She glanced at him. ‘My own mistake and I’ve learned from it.’ The responsibility lay with her. She was the one who’d lain in bed crying her eyes out. She was the one who’d gone out and got drunk to try to forget about him and ease the pain. She was the one who’d brought home some random guy and slept with him just to feel wanted. She’d woken up the morning of her first exam with a dry mouth and a sick stomach and an inability to remember the name of the man in her bed. She’d been mortified and ashamed and sick. Hung-over and bleary-eyed, she’d not even made it past the first hour of the exam. The one that afternoon she’d turned up, signed her name and walked out again. The last exam she’d actually tried to do something on but had panicked halfway through and walked out. Her supervisor had called her in when the results came out. Had asked what had happened, had wanted her to get a doctor’s note or something because her performance was so shockingly below her usual standard. Below anyone’s standards. But she could never have done that. It was her fault, her responsibility.
She’d fed from the scholarship fund long enough. All her secondary schooling, now half her university degree. No more. She was making her own way in the world—and paying her own way. Nothing mattered more than gaining financial independence, by getting a good job. And if it meant it took longer for her to finish her degree working part-time, so she could live, then that was just the way it had to be.
‘What have you learned?’ Brad asked.
She turned and looked at him directly. ‘That I can’t let anything or anyone get in the way of my studies again. Definitely no man, no relationship.
‘That’s why you don’t want to get involved with anyone? That’s why it’s inconvenient?’
‘That’s right.’ She nodded, denying the other reason even to herself. ‘I’m busy. I’m working at the bar every night and at the café on the weekends. I’ve got lectures midweek and assignments and reading to do in and around that. I just don’t have time for anyone or anything else.’
‘You can’t let one bad experience put you off for ever.’
‘Not for ever. Just the next couple of years.’
He frowned. ‘But you get time off over Christmas, right?’
‘From lectures but I have assignments and I have shifts right the way through.’ The public holidays paid good money, and patrons were more generous tippers too. ‘I’m not interested in anything.’
‘Not a great quality of life for you, though, is it? All work and no play.’
‘It’s not for ever,’ she said again.
‘No? How many years are you off finishing your degree?’
‘Part-time it’s going to take me three. That’s with taking summer papers as well.’
‘So no nookie for you for another three years?’ He shook his head, looking appalled. ‘That’s more than a little tragic.’
‘Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all,’ she said with more confidence than she felt.
‘It’s up there. Without sex there can be no life.’
‘We’re not talking biology here.’
‘You’re going to be miserable,’ he warned.
‘I’m not. I’m going to achieve what I want to achieve.’
‘With no help from anybody.’
‘You understand, right?’
‘No, I don’t.’
Startled, she looked at him.
‘I don’t see why it h
as to be that miserable.’ He turned and met her eyes. ‘No such thing as balance with you, is there?’
‘I have to do what I have to do. And I’m not into the casual-sex scene.’ She cleared her throat, trying to hold the blush at bay as she remembered that mortifying morning. ‘I learned that too. I don’t want a fling. But nor do I want a relationship right now. I have too much else to do.’
‘All or nothing,’ he murmured.
‘Right now it’s nothing,’ she confirmed.
He looked at her, brown eyes serious. ‘Okay.’ He held her gaze. ‘Message received loud and clear.’
She said nothing. He turned back to the computer and pulled the list of cases nearer. Mya watched his fingers fly over the keyboard. Serious, focused.
That was it? She’d told him as explicitly as she could that she didn’t want an affair and he just accepted it?
Because here was the thing—she was still totally hot for the guy. How could he be so focused when she was dying of desire? She’d gone for honesty and he’d taken it. He’d backed right off. But instead of feeling any kind of relief, she felt more wound up. She’d been so sure he’d make some kind of move. She’d been so sure she’d say no. Only there were no moves from him, and only yeses and pleases circling in her head.