Jack really didn’t want her to be mad or hurt or unhappy—about any of this mess between them.
Even though he was feeling all three.
But now he knew he couldn’t ask her to go with him, not when she was pregnant and vulnerable—that was a given. And now he knew she wouldn’t accept even if she wasn’t. According to her, they weren’t compatible. It really was just a fling. She didn’t want him for anything other than that and she never had.
That day on the beach when he’d been so careful to tell her he was going away? She laughed—it hadn’t bothered her in the least.
When he’d turned up on her doorstep? She’d been cool.
When he’d offered her help? She’d refused.
The only thing they did agree on was the heat between them. But for the first time in his life he realised he didn’t have any foundation to spring from. Now he knew there was just this void—so he had to keep moving or he’d come crashing down.
Now he knew he did want some solid stability. But it wasn’t to be—not with Kelsi. Hell, maybe it was fate paying him back for all those years ‘playing’.
Jack had never known rejection before. It hurt.
But it reinforced the rightness of his decision. He’d go. He’d work. He’d forget. And when he got back it would all be better—right? He just hoped he could live with it.
He held out the business card as if it were a last challenge.
She took it, quickly skimming the words printed on it.
An obstetric specialist. Kelsi recognised the name—the surgeon was based at the premier private women’s health clinic in the city.
‘You’ll go? It’s all paid for in advance.’ He actually went paler. ‘But I’ll be back well before…um…it arrives.’
Kelsi tried not to show her surprise at his steamroller approach to deciding on her care. He was so insistent about this. But she didn’t want to fight. Saying goodbye was tough enough.
‘I’ll go.’ She took a step away. ‘But I really should get going to work. I don’t want to be late.’
‘You’re walking again.’
‘Sure. You were right, it is better. I beat all the banked-up traffic.’ Trifling talk was so much easier than dealing with all that was unsaid.
And his answering grin was small, but it was there.
‘So, I’ll see you in a bit.’ Her throat had gone all tight. She turned so she wouldn’t have to look at him. So he wouldn’t see the waterfalls building in her eyes.
‘Right,’ he said. ‘Soon.’
She walked to the top of the staircase. ‘You go get your trick, Jack. Get the gold.’ Kelsi really, really wanted that for him. She wanted him to be happy.
He didn’t move from his doorway and she was halfway down before he suddenly spoke. ‘Kelsi, you can call me if you need me, OK?’
She nodded but didn’t turn back. Too busy concentrating on the stairs and on holding back the tears.
She strode fast, out past the over-the-top fencing and along the road that took her to the heart of the city. She ran her thumb across the edge of the obstetric’s card. She’d have to diary the appointment in her computer or she’d forget.
A few minutes into the walk—well out of sight of the house—she stopped mid-path to put the card in her purse. She stared at it, her brain ticking. His insistence bothered her. Why was he so concerned for her health? Why had he always made such an effort to cook her all those decent meals. Why did he want her to have a team of specialists for what should be a perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy? What had he seen that made him so nervous? Hadn’t his mother ever—?
Her thoughts seized.
His mother.
She sat down at the bus stop a little along from where she’d stopped. She pulled out her iPhone and pulled up the internet for a search. But this time she read the Wikipedia profile instead of being sidetracked by the YouTube clips of all his tricks. This time she hunted through for the bit about his background. Born in China—in a remote mountain village where his father was prepping for an expedition. There it was—just a single line detailing his early arrival, and his mother’s death only hours later.
No wonder he was anxious about prenatal care. His mother had died giving birth to him.
Kelsi put her phone in her bag and stood up. Her legs wobbling as she digested that tragedy. Poor Jack. And poor Jack’s dad—no wonder he’d put his own adventures on hold. No wonder things were so complicated. And why was it only now that she realised just how much she loved him? She wanted to make it all so much better—to support him however he needed. When she had so much to give, why didn’t he want it?
Hardly watching where she was going, she walked, her breathing a little difficult. She definitely should walk more often if she was this unfit. But now the edges of her vision were darkening. Had something gone wrong with her contacts? She shook her head and blinked several times to clear it. Distantly, the thought registered that she wasn’t wearing contacts today. But the blackness was all-encroaching now.
And all of a sudden the world went woosh.
‘Kelsi? Kelsi?’
Kelsi frowned. Who was calling her?
‘Kelsi, are you OK?’
‘Alice?’ What was the interior decorator doing here? What was Kelsi doing here—flat out on the footpath?
‘I think you fainted. Have you hit your head?’
She struggled to sit up. Her stomach rocked as if she was on a catamaran in a storm round Cape Horn. ‘Wow,’ she said, desperately trying to recover some dignity. ‘That was embarrassing.’
‘I was driving to the house and saw you keel over. Good thing the traffic was moving so slow or I might have missed you.’
‘Yeah.’ Kelsi squinted as she tried to force her vision to focus. Her brain felt scrambled.
‘You want me to call Jack?’ Alice bobbed down, patting Kelsi’s shoulder.
‘No, don’t,’ Kelsi said quickly—her mind jerking back to its last-remembered realisation. ‘No. Please don’t bother him. This is just nothing.’
If he heard about this, he might freak out. He might postpone going. And as much as she really wanted that, she knew it wasn’t right. She didn’t want him to stay here because of fears—she didn’t want him to be trapped. That would be worse than anything.
Alice frowned. ‘You really don’t look so good, Kelsi. You’re very pale.’
‘I’m always pale.’ Kelsi stretched her lips into something like a smile. ‘Look, I’ll go into that café just there. I forgot to have breakfast, that’s all. I’m fine. Really, I am.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Oh, yes.’ Forcing animation into her answer, she then went for distraction. ‘I had such a great time looking over your ideas folder for the house. You’ve got some great things in there. I was so pleased you picked up on some of the old features.’
Alice’s expression lightened. Kelsi smiled harder and talked for another few minutes about the project, carefully getting to her feet and trying to hide how huge the effort was.
Alice walked with her to the door of the café but then glanced at her watch. ‘I’d better get going. Are you sure you’re all right now?’
‘Absolutely.’ She couldn’t let her go without a final plea. ‘Don’t mention it to him, will you? It’s so embarrassing and he’ll worry unnecessarily. You know how men sometimes do…’ Kelsi trailed off and smiled in the hope Alice would enter into the sisterhood-sticks-together spirit.
‘Sure.’ Alice finally smiled back. ‘I’ll be in touch with you next week and we can arrange a trip to look at some fabric swatches, OK?’
‘That’d be great.’
Kelsi went to the counter and ordered hot chocolate and hot toast. As she made herself eat, she hoped that Alice would keep her word. Jack had to get on that plane. Nothing could stand in his way.
Jack aimlessly wandered about the big bare space downstairs. He’d ordered a taxi to get him to the airport but as it was a domestic flight first he didn’t have to be there
hours in advance. And he didn’t have much baggage to check through because his snowboard gear was in Canada already.
He ran his hand along the pared-back walls. When he got back, most of the work would be done and the house would look completely different. Whole again, not broken up into pieces that were too small. He couldn’t wait to see what Kelsi did with it—to lie on a sofa and stare at whatever collection of disparate objects she’d put together. She’d make it a really nice home.