Finally she calmed enough to speak. ‘I’m doing that again.’
The protective telling off he’d wanted to shout went unsaid as more primitive urges flared. It would take nothing to hold her that bit tighter and bend his head and kiss her. He could sink to the ground with her in his arms and make her body tremble in even greater pleasure.
‘Will you show me how to jump?’
Oh, she had no idea how he wanted to make her jump.
‘When you have wrist, knee and elbow pads on, plus a helmet,’ he said roughly. And when she was no longer pregnant.
But he wanted her to do it again, too. The devil in him who loved a dare wanted to see her sparkling some more with her skirt flying and her spirit free, delighted that she’d felt the pure and simple joy of it. But she couldn’t—and he shouldn’t have let her take even that little risk.
Frustration made him more tense.
He felt her stiffen in response and her smile faded as she looked into his face.
‘I’d better get to work.’ She looked down, the bloom in her cheeks deeper.
Yeah, she had better get back to her computers and her safe, indoor, insular little world. Because mucking around with the usual regime like this wasn’t good for his heart.
Kelsi made her weak body take her own weight. Jack turned and quickly moved to pick up the skateboard—but he shoved it onto the deck. No more riding, then.
Damn.
She walked all the way to work but her body was still on an adrenaline high—feeling more full of energy and zing than it ever had. But it wasn’t from the skateboarding, it had been those too few moments in his arms. And she was such a fool, because he couldn’t get away from her quick enough.
The yearning was appalling—the never ending need to be near him. But during dinner that night the turmoil was there, a scarce centimetre beneath the surface, and the antagonism between them rubbed the veneer of calm to dangerous thinness. Every look contained a challenge, in every word she searched for a double meaning. And the words grew fewer, the looks longer, until the tension between them silently screamed.
She tried to dig deeper into her defensive trench. Combating the uncoiling desire by imagining what life would be like when she was living in the big part of the house and he was back visiting—bringing his latest lover to the flat with him. Absolute torture.
The idea hurt so much she knew that this solution of his wasn’t something that she could live with long-term.
She couldn’t resist watching out of her window later that night when he was doing more exercises and then kicking out on his board. She wished she were out there, too, with him teaching her some more moves.
She’d never have imagined in a million years that she’d like skateboarding, that she’d want to go so fast and just have some fun. That she’d spend half her life now wishing she could bunk work and go to the beach with him, or boarding or just take off somewhere to do something purely for fun. Because Jack knew how to have fun and she wanted in on that adventure.
But he wasn’t offering that.
Finally, thankfully, Friday arrived. She was so looking forward to having the weekend away from work and to the builders not banging downstairs. Hopefully Jack would go away somewhere, too, and she could put herself back together properly and make a decent decision about her future.
As she dragged herself downstairs on her way to work she saw he was up already and waiting for her by the front door. She had to go close to get past him—and he wasn’t moving. And as she walked through he stepped to the side—blocking her path completely.
His fingers brushed the smudges under her silver-tinted eyes—she was hoping they’d help her see through the clouds to the lining.
‘You’re not getting enough sleep,’ he said.
She turned away, unable to bear his touch. ‘Neither are you.’ Shamefully husky. But she knew it was true. He looked leaner and right now he was as pale as the snow he loved.
‘Are you sure the builders aren’t bothering you?’ he asked. ‘I’ve told them not to start until you’ve gone to work and to stop any loud banging after you get home but I want to get this done as soon as possible.’
So he could get away? ‘They don’t bother me.’
What bothered her was knowing he slept so near. That was what kept her awake. The unutterable loneliness—the kind of loneliness she’d never felt in all her life, even though she’d been living by herself for over a year now. So near and yet so out of reach.
His knee was better. She’d seen him stretching out this morning—pushing his regime—seen his smile as it hadn’t troubled him.
That bothered her, too.
‘Have you been feeling sick at all?’ He looked into her face, his blue eyes focused closely on her features.
She felt herself flushing. ‘Absolutely not.’ She faked her answer, faked her smile.
‘Kelsi, I heard you being sick ten minutes ago.’
Oh, great. There was no privacy. ‘Then why ask?’
His smile was a little grim. ‘Just seeing whether you’re able to be honest with me.’
Now she felt even worse. ‘Jack…’
He held up his hand to shut her up. ‘We’ll get there, Kelsi. These are the early days, OK?’
‘But—’
‘Look, I know how hard it is for a parent to bring a child up alone. I’m aware of the sacrifices. You know, if we do this together, maybe we don’t have to make the same kind of sacrifices.’
But she didn’t want to do this together as friends. Her feelings for him were far too complicated for that. And the more she was getting to know him, those feelings were becoming even more complicated. She leaned back against the frame of the door. ‘What did your father sacrifice?’
Jack studied the fence for a moment before answering flat and direct. ‘His dreams.’
But that was nothing on what his mother had sacrificed. He clenched his muscles to stop himself crushing Kelsi to him and begging her to please, please, please be OK. The good feeling about how well his knee was working had died when he’d heard Kelsi being sick. He was ready to get back into full training. But she was weakening by the day. So he was trapped and confused and honestly, the whole thing terrified him.
‘You mean the lodge? He died before it was finished?’
He dragged his mind back to the conversation. ‘Not the lodge, no. That was just a business deal for him. An investment.’ Something to put the money into that would make more—and still be related to his life’s love.
‘So, what were his dreams?’
Jack sighed, his emotions still all over the place. He hated knowing how the pregnancy was affecting her physically. Sure, morning sickness was normal—but it didn’t feel normal. It made him worry all the more. But even though he didn’t want to talk to her about that, he wanted to reach out somehow. ‘He was a climber, one of those guys who climbed any peak. But after…’ he paused to clear his throat ‘…after my mother died he shelved all his plans. He had to look after me and make us some money and the only business he knew was the mountains. He began sm
all—organising tours. One of the first adventure operators in the country. And he was good, business grew. He started taking overseas trips—to China and stuff. His client base grew—the wealthy in particular. He was good at PR—charming.’
‘Like you.’
She said it so soft and quick he wasn’t sure if she really had. So he went on—but with his blood running a little warmer.
‘I went with him on every trip. He managed it all, team leader, you know? Hired guides, organised agents, ran base camp. But he never went up the summits again—never took the risk. Always stayed safe. As far as he was concerned, I’d lost my mother, and he wasn’t risking my losing him too early, as well. So he put his own ambitions on hold until he’d got us financially secure and until he thought I was old enough to deal with it, should the worst happen to him.’
It hadn’t taken him that long to get financially successful—his father had had the gift—the knowledge and the charisma and the drive.
‘And his ambition?’
‘Everest, of course.’ Jack shook his head. ‘Not even the hardest any more, but still the big one. Even though millions have been up there already, he still wanted to.’
‘And he never did?’
‘He was planning it once the lodge was done. But he had a heart attack—out of the blue. And he never got to do all he’d wanted to.’
Waiting all that time, ’til Jack was old enough, had been a waste, because Jack was never going to be old enough not to feel the pain. Forty-eight wouldn’t necessarily have been any better than eighteen had been. And at least at eighteen Jack had already been making money on his own, thanks to sponsorship deals and pro camp wins.
‘Do you think he was bitter about not climbing it when you were young?’
‘He said he wasn’t. He said he didn’t care about it as much any more.’ But Jack hadn’t believed him. Jack had figured that was just his dad making out it was all OK. But as a kid when he’d asked why his dad didn’t stand on top of the world like all his clients did, he’d said he had more exciting challenges than that to deal with. That was a line, too. So Jack had learnt the lesson—no putting it off. If you wanted to achieve your dreams, you had to put them first.