Now his lips twisted. ‘That surprises you?’
‘I don’t know.’ She shot him a look. ‘You weren’t a virgin that night, Javier.’
Amusement crinkled around his eyes as he inclined his head in an admission. ‘No, I wasn’t.’
‘So why not...?’
‘Work,’ he answered shortly.
She chuckled at his hasty retreat behind that remote expression he’d perfected. ‘Don’t worry. I won’t take that admission to mean anything other than that you’ve been as busy as I have. Only you were doing other things, like building billions in the bank and beginning a boutique hotel empire. Just as I know you won’t read anything into my not being intimate with anyone else since either.’
His eyes widened and he emitted a sound between a cough and a laugh. ‘Emmy...’
‘Relax, Javier, I get it. You’re curious, but you don’t want a long-term relationship with me.’
He had the grace to smile sheepishly but there was a hint of remorse in his eyes that surprised her. ‘With anyone, Emmy. Not just you.’
‘No marriage?’ she asked lightly, not really hoping for an answer given the barriers she expected him to raise any second now. ‘Not ever? Why not?’
‘I don’t believe in it.’
‘Really?’ She maintained her airy tone and smile. ‘As an institution? A construct of the society in which we live?’
He laughed. ‘I just don’t think it ever works out in anyone’s best interests.’
‘Not ever? You don’t believe there’s such a thing as happy ever after?’
He shrugged carelessly. ‘I don’t believe in fairy tales, no.’
‘So you don’t really believe there are dragons, either? There’s not really any treasure to be found on an island? Okay, good to know.’ She mirrored his shrug, only her carelessness was completely feigned.
She’d enjoyed that light, silly talk of dragons and magical creatures that night on the beach. And even though it had been a transient moment, it had meant something—long before she’d learned of Luke’s existence within her. She’d been unable to forget Javier. And suddenly she couldn’t fake anything any more, there was only plain truth and it slipped out of her in a sad little sigh. ‘I haven’t felt that chemistry with anyone else.’
For a moment he gazed back into her eyes, his own mix of cocoa and coffee dilating. ‘Me neither.’
It was such a low mutter she wasn’t sure she’d even heard him properly. She swallowed, trying to ease the sudden constriction in her throat. ‘What do you think that means?’
He shook his head slowly and she felt that warning within at his withdrawal. ‘Nothing other than what it is, Emmy. Strong chemistry. That’s all.’ He drew in a breath. ‘And it will pass.’
She was sure he was right but there was a tiny fear, buried deep within like a seed about to sprout, that wondered if—for her at least—he was wrong.
‘But I don’t think it will go away until we deal with it properly,’ he added.
And he wanted it to go away? Good, because so did she. It felt like vulnerability.
‘And if we deal with it properly?’ she asked. ‘What happens then?’
‘We move forward.’ He shifted on the rug.
Her mouth dried as anticipation feathered goosebumps over her skin at the simple glimpse of him. Yes, getting rid of this distraction would make things easier as they worked out how they’d jointly care for Luke. They’d shake their future free from this lust. ‘And dealing with it? You mean...like last night?’
‘Mmm-hmm.’ His eyes told her everything his words didn’t.
‘How long will it take, do you think?’ she asked, shivering at the prospect.
His gaze lingered on her lips. ‘I don’t know,’ he murmured huskily. ‘But I’m willing if you are.’
It should have just been a flirty joke, but there was a raw element that chimed a low chord within her. The fact was they’d been drawn to each other on a purely physical level from the moment they’d met and it wasn’t going to be exhausted all that quickly.
‘We have a few days on board, right?’ She looked at him with growing warmth. ‘So...’
‘We make the most of them?’
She nodded. It could be a huge risk but, given that she couldn’t think when there was this sensual fog around her, she needed to clear her head to be able to hold her ground with him in the long run.
‘So, have you had many girlfriends?’ she asked even as she hated herself for her needy curiosity.
His eyes widened at the question.
‘You asked me,’ she pointed out with a little spirit. ‘I don’t think it’s unfair to expect you to reciprocate.’
‘You want full reciprocation?’ Now there was a gleam in his eyes that made her think he wasn’t thinking about sharing minor confidences, but other more physical things. ‘Okay.’ He smiled glibly. ‘I had a girlfriend at university.’
She bit the edge of her lip because she wasn’t sure how seriously he was taking this, but she wanted to ask more. ‘Was she the reason why you dropped out?’
‘As loath as I am to admit it, she was a big part of that decision.’
‘What happened?’
He grimaced wryly. ‘We were both extremely driven to succeed—each with our own reasons why. But when it came to it, she didn’t believe that I had what it took to get the success that she craved so badly.’
She hadn’t believed in him? Emmy was surprised. ‘What did she do?’
That teasing light faded from Javier’s eyes and for a moment Emmy didn’t think he was going to answer.
‘She cheated to get ahead,’ he said baldly.
‘Cheated on exams? Or cheated on you?’ She held her breath.
‘As she slept with our professor, I’d say both.’
Emmy gaped, shocked. ‘I’m sorry.’ And she was—both sorry for what had happened and sorry for asking, because he clearly didn’t like thinking about it, let alone answering any questions about it.
‘I’m not, it was good.’ He laughed but it had a bitter edge. ‘I got my focus where I needed it to be—which was on work and on doing what I needed to do on my own. But I did have flings, Emmy. A number of nights...’
‘But nothing serious?’ Emmy muttered. That university girlfriend must have hurt him very badly to put him off marriage so completely—which meant he must’ve loved her a lot.
He shook his head.
‘And what made you so driven to succeed?’ she asked, her heart aching a little.
He had that rare combination of ambition and discipline and she suspected he was a complete workaholic. She’d seen him snatching moments every time Luke slept to work on his laptop or phone. He was almost always ‘on call’ to respond to the chimes of incoming messages.
His eyes veiled and he shrugged. ‘I just always was.’
She knew him well enough now to see that those walls had gone right up again—she recognised that expression. And she also recognised his lie—something had happened. He just didn’t want to say what. But she let the conversation slide despite her burgeoning curiosity. Because if she asked anything too personal, he might insist on the same from her—especially now she’d been the one to insist on ‘reciprocation’.
She had to retreat. There was no need for them to open up too deeply. Not when he’d just said their physical intensity would fade. Once it did, then it would only be necessary for them to make amicable arrangements for sharing Luke’s care.
So she swallowed back all the burning questions that filled her brain, on the heartache she feared might follow, and focused on what was right in front of her, right now.
‘Will it fade slow or fast, do you think?’ she pondered aloud, injecting that lightness back into herself with a cheeky giggle at her own thoughts. ‘The chemistry, I mean. Either way, the best is done, now,
right? It only goes downhill from here. Every time we’re together, it will be a little less awesome than the last.’