She shifted Luke to her hip and turned away from that look in his eyes. She was a fool for reading double meanings into everything he said. Javier wanted to build a relationship with Luke, not with her, yet she couldn’t help hoping—and then couldn’t help glancing back up to see if there was something to read in his eyes.
But he then stepped back and turned away, shutting her out again. ‘I’ll go and see if lunch is ready.’
Emmy sank onto the cushions by the pool and cuddled her sleepy son, feeling as if she needed to take another dip to cool off and battle the insane disappointment that Javier had gone inside. But that aching wouldn’t seem to stop; it was a tension she couldn’t ease no matter how hard she tried.
* * *
Javier tried not to stare at Emmy as they sat in the shade and lunched on ceviche while Luke slept. He wasn’t really tasting the fish, he was too consumed by curiosity—unable to stop himself from studying her intently.
She was avoiding looking at him by watching the sea. The longing in her eyes had barely been masked yesterday and it had been the same today. Her love for the water had been the first thing he’d noticed about her. Okay, the second thing. But the sensual pleasure she took in it, he felt too. She was that siren, the mermaid he’d been unable to resist...the fierce dragon woman who’d breathed fire when aroused.
On one level he agreed with her that they shouldn’t touch again. That kiss yesterday had burned his brain to ash. There was too much for them to navigate without getting distracted by lust. He’d thought he could put it aside until he’d got to spend some time with his son and figured out how they were going to make their future work. But it turned out that he couldn’t concentrate on any of that far more important stuff. The spark they shared was too strong. So now he wondered if he needed to take the opposite strategy. Maybe if they cleared the air of this sexual tension, then they could focus on what was really important?
Not going to lie, it was a far more appealing prospect.
It had been like this that first night too. As inevitable as the setting of the sun. Sheer biology—animal attraction and all that. He didn’t think either of them were going to be able to deny their chemistry for too much longer. So why fight it? Why not give in and get it gone? Why not feel good together this one way in which they could?
It was obvious she was struggling with it too, given she was either avoiding him altogether or gazing at him with that slightly dazed expression. It amused and provoked and made him ache to haul her close and be done with it.
But his intellectual curiosity about her was growing hourly—he had a million questions and she was avoiding answering any of them in any real depth. The only thing he could tell for certain was her love for Luke. He’d seen the anxiety in her eyes when first watching him interact with the baby. And her hovering over Thomas in those first few hours. Not to mention the screeds of information she’d then given both of them about Luke’s likes and dislikes and demeanour. She’d taken such good care of him that Javier suspected there was nothing she wouldn’t do for their baby. And that was balm on the irritated welts inside him.
The photo book she’d made had rendered him speechless, touching a sensitivity within that he’d not been aware he even had. His first instinct regarding Luke had been to ensure his physical safety, to determine his nearness so that he could give the child all he could offer. Because he knew that what he could offer was mostly material things. But now that the baby was on board, Javier was at a loss where to start in terms of building an actual relationship. He had no idea how to parent a small person. All he knew was that he’d like to do a better job than his parents had—he could only hope he was capable of it.
His father had opted for the straight abandonment approach, walking out when he was only five. While his mother had gone for the outsourcing angle—packing him off to boarding school so she could focus on forming her new family with her new man.
Surely just by being around Javier could screw his own child up a little less than he’d been? Just by actually being interested?
So he’d studied each photo several times—soaking up details. But always he returned to that first shot of Emerald and Luke together. The image set something twisting alight in his gut. So many conflicting emotions—not just jealousy and anger but pride and awe and absolute regret.
He should’ve been there. He should’ve had the chance to share in that amazing moment. He’d not known how much he could want something the way he wanted that. But the underlying lick of doubt about his suitability for parenthood curled and grew larger—was it too late already? Being absent, he felt, was the worst way he could have begun.
And despite all that internal chaos, he still couldn’t get past his physical desire for her.
His mind circled beyond the reach of his control, returning to his want for her. His body never failed to tighten in response to her presence. He wasn’t vulnerable to anyone—he’d learned to keep his emotions in check ever since he was a small child packed off to boarding school, scolded for showing emotion, constantly being lectured about how lucky he was, how grateful he should be. But he knew the reality beneath that ‘luckiness’ of his. His father had left him and then he’d been sent away because he’d not been wanted by his mother either. Because he’d not been wanted, he’d not fitted into the new mould. He’d learned to keep his ambitions his own and his definition of success and fulfilment utterly within his own power and control. No one else would have the power to impact on what he wanted and achieved in his life. It was very simple and up till now it had worked.
But his desire for Emmy had kept him awake for so many nights. It had stopped him sleeping with anyone else for over a year. He’d decided he was bored and tired of meaningless one-night stands—that they weren’t satisfactory. But that one-night stand with Emmy had been insanely satisfactory. And that was the problem. His recollection of it was amplified, right? It had become too big and was now blown out of all proportion. He needed to slay the dragon it had become.
He needed to get rid of it. They both did. There was really only one way for them to do that. And then it would be gone. Anticipation shot adrenalin into his muscles. They tensed and primed. His whole damn body ached.
‘I think I’ll have another quick swim.’ She avoided his gaze as she stood, as if she somehow sensed his intentions. ‘Take advantage while Luke is sleeping.’
‘Running away again?’ he called softly.
‘Pardon?’ She turned back to him warily.
‘You’re running away.’
She faced him squarely. ‘We’re on a boat in the middle of the ocean. There’s nowhere to run to.’
‘Yet you’re doing it remarkably well.’
‘Meaning?’
‘Meaning you’re very careful not to be alone with me. You’re constantly using Luke as your chaperone.’
She stilled, seeming to draw a slow breath before lifting her chin to face him squarely. ‘Luke is the only reason we’re in the same space again. There’s no need for us to spend time together when he’s not awake.’
He laughed. ‘You actually think that?’
‘I actually think that’s what’s best.’ She nodded. ‘For all of us.’
‘You’re that afraid?’ he asked softly.
Emmy couldn’t deny it—it was the truth after all. She’d managed to avoid being alone with Javier much in these last few hours, sensing her self-control slipping. He devastated her—reducing her to nothing but a wanting, willing piece of woman. It was mortifying.
‘You don’t think it would be best for Luke if you and I got to know each other better?’ he added.
That was the last thing she wanted and she suspected it was the last thing he really meant. ‘I don’t think it’s necessary.’
‘You said only yesterday that we needed to talk.’
‘I’ve changed my mind. And I don’t think talking is what
you’re meaning now, either,’ she challenged bravely.
A teasing half-smile lit his eyes and he offered a shrug. ‘We’re going to be co-parenting that little boy together for the rest of our lives. I think it’s imperative we get past platitudes, Emerald.’
‘Well, what is it you wish to know?’ she asked flippantly—as if she had nothing to hide, nothing to care so deeply about that she couldn’t express it. She could pretend she came from a normal family.
‘Okay.’ He tilted his head and studied her intently. ‘Where are your parents?’ He watched her steadily. ‘Why are you taking care of your child all on your own miles and miles away from your homeland?’
Her heart thudded at the pinpoint accuracy of his questioning.
‘Don’t you want your own mother to help you out?’ he asked.
She couldn’t tell him the complete truth, but perhaps she could escape with partial facts. ‘We’re not close.’
‘I got that impression,’ he said wryly. ‘Why is that?’
She shrugged. ‘It’s just the way it is. My parents are closer to my brother. I always had itchy feet—a yearning to travel—and when I came here, I fell in love with the islands. You must agree there’s something magical about them.’
‘Yes, there is.’ He watched her, waiting for more. When she said nothing, he frowned. ‘When did you first start travelling?’
‘As a teenager,’ she answered cagily.
‘Oh?’
She nodded. ‘Always curious, that was me.’ But she saw the scepticism in his eyes.
‘How did you get the money to travel?’
Her pride was flicked and her defensiveness sparked a more detailed, honest answer. ‘I’ve always had part-time jobs, always paid my own way or worked for bed and board. I’ve worked on voluntary projects for years. I’ve got quite good at them.’