Well, he never said she sugarcoated things. “I suppose that’s why you initially told him you were seeing Armie.”
“Armie has credentials in my dad’s world, and if my father approves, then my mother doesn’t give me holy hell for still being single at thirty. I know it sounds dumb, but I really was trying to keep the peace. I worry at some point I won’t even be able to talk to her anymore.”
She went quiet again, simply sitting and eating her gumbo, her eyes on the bay.
“I didn’t talk to my brother for a couple of years. When he went into the Navy, he would write us all letters, but I tossed them out. After a few, he just wrote Mom and Sera.”
“Why didn’t you write to your brother? You two seem close.”
“We’re closer now, though I wouldn’t say we’re super tight,” he admitted. “He’s seven years older than me. We didn’t hang out much as kids. I was closer to Sera.”
“That’s like Brian and me. There’s six years between us. He was in school by the time I was born. He had friends and this whole life. He didn’t need a toddler hanging around. I was surprised he came down with my mom and dad.”
“I noticed you two disappeared for a little while.”
She nodded. She’d polished off her bowl and set it on the table next to the bench, picking up the longneck he’d brought for her. “Yeah, he was trying to play peacekeeper between me and my mom. Sometimes I wonder why she tries, you know. If I’m such a damn disappointment, why even keep trying to fix me.”
“Because you’re her daughter. Not that I agree with the idea that you need to be fixed, but it’s my experience that mommas always need to be needed. When was the last time you asked her advice about something?”
Her nose wrinkled. “Never. At least not since I was a kid.”
“There you go. See, I ask my mom for advice on everything and she doesn’t bug me about getting married and having kids. She’s constantly planting hints to Remy and Sera that she needs more little ones running around. Me? She leaves condoms in my apartment.”
That brought a smile to her face. “She knows you well.”
Naturally, that’s what she would think. At least she’d smiled. “Yeah, I guess so.”
Her eyes narrowed on him. “There it is. You have a tell when you get your feelings hurt. Your lips purse slightly and you look away. What did I say? You were the one who joked about needing condoms.”
He frowned. “I wasn’t hurt.”
She looked back at the water. “Okay. My mistake.”
She went silent, one hand on her beer and the other on Daisy’s head as the puppy settled down beside her.
He’d lost his appetite. He set the bowl down. “All right. What did I do wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Another moment of silence passed between them. “Damn it, Rox. We were fine and then I made a joke and . . .” What had his brother said? He had to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to be vulnerable with anyone. That wasn’t his place. He was the good-time guy. He was the guy you partied with and looked to for fun. Did he want to be that guy for her? It was what she thought of him, but maybe that was because he’d never once shown her another side. “I hate it when my mom leaves condoms around because it makes me feel like she doesn’t want grandkids from me. I know it’s stupid because that’s not her intention and it’s not like I’m ready to give her any, but it hurts all the same.”
“Seriously?” she snorted, a derisive sound. “I’ll trade you for mine. I’ll take free condoms over her talking about the maturity of my eggs any day.”
Yes, that was why he didn’t talk about feelings. They were surprisingly delicate things. “Yeah, I’m sure that’s easier. And you know I’ll use them. Well, I’m going to go clean up and we can head home.”
Her hand came over his, stopping him from standing up. “There’s that tell. Zep, I’m sorry. I’m not good at the feelings thing. It’s been pointed out to me on occasion that I’m not particularly sensitive and I’m not one to talk about anything important. But I kind of think not talking hasn’t worked for me. It’s hard when everyone views you as the not successful sibling. I’ve only got one. It must be hard to have to deal with two. I think that’s part of what got to me. In my mother’s head, the only way I can have any value is to have kids. She’s never cared about my career. She cried when I told her I was joining the Army. Not because she was scared for me. She was upset because it meant I would put off having a family. She thought I should try becoming a teacher or a nurse because it was a good way to find a husband. I asked her if she understood it wasn’t the freaking fifties anymore, and I promptly left the country to shoot things.”