“Okay everybody!” I announce over the crowd, pushing the prying eyes away from the open door and closing it up, ready to get home with my family. “Show’s over. Thanks for coming.”
“What?” Josephine squints. “Myra said we are all coming back to your place for barbecue and baby time?”
“Gran,” I grumble, and she shrugs. “Did you know about this?” I ask my wife, who nods.
“It’s just for a couple hours. We have our whole lives ahead of us, they just wanted us to have a special welcome home.”
I grunt an agreement, then wave to everyone and get behind the wheel, easing the SUV ahead, barely taking my foot off the brake.
It takes a good five minutes to pull out of the parking lot, and when we are finally on the road some jack-weed pulls right up on my bumper and starts honking like an idiot.
“Motherfucker,” I seethe, throwing the vehicle into park and hopping out of the driver’s door, listening to Wynter yelling at me to stop, but some things can’t wait.
I march to his car and pound my fist on the window of his piece-of-shit Mini Cooper. He rolls down his window, but I can see in his eyes he’s sorry already. I could pick up his car and toss it like a football right now, I’m so fucking pissed.
“You see that car?” I point to the Suburban.
“Yeahhhhh…” The guy looks forward, then back to me with an ‘oh shit’ look in his eyes.
“Inside that car is my whole fucking life.”
“Yeah, but you’re only driving like five miles an hour, man—”
“That’s right. I have two brand new babies in there asleep. You get that? Asleep. And if you wake them up, I’m going to shove this toy car straight up your ass. You want to go faster? Turn around, go that way.” I point in the other direction from where I’m headed. “From there, do what the fuck you want, but if you’re going to be behind me, you better stay the fuck back and forget you have a horn. We clear?”
The guy looks around like he’s on hidden camera, or this is some joke, but as I stare him down, my breathing turning to a near snort as my grizzly starts to come out, he raises his hands and nods.
“Clear.”
“Ragnar!” I hear Wynter’s voice come from her side of the car, and she better not be getting out or I’ll spank her ass until it’s stop sign red. “Come back. The babies like the car moving. They’re going to wake up if we sit here much longer.”
I point at the guy one last time, then jog to the open door of the Suburban and get in. Easing forward again, I work up to ten miles per hour as I watch the Mini Cooper do a U turn in the street and head the other direction.
“You gotta get a grip there, Daddybear. You’re going to end up with a murder charge, then where will we be? I don’t want a day without you.”
I nod as she cups my cheek and I hear a little cooing from the back seat.
“What’s that? Is she okay?” I turn around to look at Lily, then at Wynter, and then pull the car to the side of the road, but Wynter laughs. “Keep driving. At this rate, they will be graduating from high school before you get us home.”
“Fuck.” I blow out, rubbing my forehead with one hand. “How am I going to do this?”
“You’re going to do just fine. We got this. Trust me. Remember? Trust me.”
“I love you so fucking much.” I blurt out, my voice cracking. “I just want to be the best husband and father. I promise, I’m going to try, but I’ll probably fuck it up.”
“I love you too, big dumb bear. We’ll both fuck up. It’s part of the deal. It’s part of the ride.”
We drive for another minute in silence, then Wynter starts to laugh. She stifles it behind her palm, clasping it over her mouth as I ease to the next stop sign, looking for traffic before barely taking my foot off the brake, looking at the girls to make sure I’m not waking them by going too fast.
“What’s so funny?” I whisper as Lola stirs in her car seat, holding my finger to my mouth for Wynter to keep her voice low.
“Well, I never imagined…what a slow sort of ride it was going to be.”
“I’ll show you a slow ride.” I hiss under my breath. “Doctor said six weeks? You just wait, six weeks and one day, I’m going to give you the ride of your life.” I pause, thinking for a second. “If I live that long.”
“Don’t worry. My lady bits may be on hiatus for a few weeks, but there are a couple other holes I know you like. They are both still open for business.”