I glanced his way, his eyes were laser-focused on me. His gaze was piercing, and I winced, feeling him slide right inside, just like the first night at the charity gala. He saw me, and he claimed me, and he hadn’t backed out. Yet.
He would, though. It was just a matter of time.
Fuck. Fuck! That hurt realizing that.
This was stupid. We shouldn’t be here.
I shouldn’t even be playing with the notion of him and me. It was all going to end in disaster. Every relationship in my life did, except Sash and Mel. Both of them had stayed so far.
“Shy,” a soft call from Sasha.
I already knew.
Shit, that hurt.
I was swallowing knives. Pain sliced down my chest.
“Cheyenne, whatever you’re thinking, stop.”
“Not how my brain works,” I gutted out.
“Well, stop it. Do your exercises. I can see you’re thinking a whole lot of bad shit that’s going to sabotage you, so stop it. Right now.”
“What kind of things?” Cut.
And damn, his tone was soft, too.
Here it was. He was seeing the beginning of a freak-out. I’d be bouncing off the walls in two seconds, then he’d run. Then he’d be the one to call the police, not Chad.
It’d be done then. Once and for all.
Sasha ignored him, saying to me, “You drive your brain. Got it? Not the other way around.”
She didn’t get it. And if anyone got it, it was her, but she didn’t get it. Her brain wasn’t a total rollercoaster ride by itself, and now I was shaking because dammit, I was trying to do what she was saying.
The carpet was extra soft.
There was a lingering smell of tanning lotion in the room.
Some blinds in another room were rustling.
I was bouncing around.
“What’s going on?”
That was Chad, but he sounded like he was running around me.
“She’s overwhelmed.”
“I thought she got back on her meds.”
I jumped, but a hand touched my arm. Soft. Gentle. It was Cut, and he was there, right next to me.
I leaned into him, not even thinking.
Mess, mess, mess. Me.
He’d run.
I was a mess.
“She’s sweating.”
Sasha cursed. “Babe, what do you need?”
I was shaking my head. No wonder it was getting worse? I was working myself up, or not even that. It was like a bull always in my head, always ready to go and charge at a moment’s notice, but sometimes I could corral him in. But this was me, letting him out myself and I had to stop it.
I kept seeing the pool outside. A few floaties were on the surface, lights underneath were now lit up, and I was moving for the back patio doors in the next instant. “I need to swim.”
There were voices behind me.
The floor’s texture was smooth, but there were a few pebbles under my feet. I could tell Cut how many different colors he had in just his living room. I could tell him there was a weird whirring sound from upstairs. I could tell him so much more, but then I was outside and I breathed in the air.
I was always better outside, and then two more steps and I was jumping in the air.
Then, splash!
Everything was doused. Dulled. Quieted. I stilled under the water, drowning out the raging bull inside.
I could think.
It was only me, the water, and my thoughts.
After that, I kicked off and I swam.
I needed to exhaust my brain.* * *CUTI had no idea how to help her.
I’d been watching her swim laps for thirty minutes, and she just kept going. This wasn’t normal. I mean, I knew. She’d told me, but this was… This just was. I had nothing to back that up.
When Chad called me, I thought he was high. I’d been at Hendrix’s and I’d sent her a couple of texts. No answer. I hadn’t thought much about it. I knew where she was. Anyone sitting at a titty bar was either enamored or bored out of their minds. I figured since it’s her friend’s place, she was having a good time. Then, Chad sent me the footage, and holy shit. Mind fuck.
She was toilet papering our place. Not even the whole place. She was toilet papering Chad’s side.
I cracked up, showing Hendrix the footage, and he cracked up, too.
But coming here, I hadn’t been pissed off at all.
Chad was Chad. I figured he’d be pissy and throwing his weight around. He did that on a normal basis, but I knew it’d be more with Cheyenne and yeah, there was history there that I knew I still hadn’t uncovered, but here we were. I mean, she warned me. I saw her getting worked up, and now she was doing laps in my swimming pool and I had no idea what I was going to say to her when she finished.
Chad took the other one home. Both of them had been drinking so they got an Uber, but I didn’t expect him back until tomorrow at some point. Tension was high between those two, so we’d see what unfolded tomorrow. But back to my girl, because she was mine, even with the shit that went down here tonight.