I kept playing the message over again just to hear his voice. “Hey Ariel. This is William, I mean Billy … um … hey, oh I said that already. Well, I planned a witty speech … um, but we see how that’s going.” He laughed nervously. God, I missed hearing that laugh. “I’m coming to San Jose and (sigh) I need to see you. I really want to see you. Call me as soon as you can.”
I scribbled down his number after I’d listened for the tenth time. I wanted to play it again, but something cold and wet crept under my foot. I turned to see a puddle of milk slowly coating the kitchen floor. “Crap!” I yelled as I unfurled the paper towels across the mess. I was putting the groceries away as I hit Play on the answering machine and I now had a herd of loose oranges and milk escaping from the bags I’d dropped.
Why is he coming home? I was so happy at the thought of seeing him, but my heart was beating out of my chest with nerves. Five years, two months and three days. That’s how long we’d been apart. Five years, two months and three days. That’s how long I’d been thinking about him. Not that anyone was counting.
What do I say to him? I needed more information. My most reliable source all these years had been his mother, Evelyn, my step-mother.
“Hi Honey,” she sang out through the phone. Her voice was always so sweet and welcoming. I used to call her every weekend, but it dropped to once a month, if that, after my father passed away two years ago.
“Billy is coming home?”
“Oh good, he called you. I gave him your number. Isn’t it great news?”
“Yes! It’s wonderful news. Soo … what’s bringing him here?” Please say something like, “Because he loves you and misses you.”
“Goo-goo bought his company and they’re having a big meeting.”
“Goo-goo?”
“Or maybe it was Yoodle. Hmm … something like that.”
“Google?” I asked as my voice cracked with excitement.
“That sounds right. He made a car come out of a printer. Have you ever heard of such a thing? And they like his cloud. Did you know you can sell a cloud? I don’t understand all this stuff.”
I released a loud laugh. “You must be talking about a 3D printer and cloud computing. It’s confusing to most people, myself included, so you’re in good company.”
“I’ll stick to my pen and paper, thank you very much. Remember those games you would play together?”
“I do. His programming skills were ahead of him time. You have a brilliant son.”
“And you have a brilliant brother,” she said with a laugh. “It will be so nice to catch up with both of you in the same room again. I still have your prom picture hanging in the hallway. The two of you were so cute.”
I felt my stomach drop and rushed out a lie to get off the phone. “Oh shoot. Someone’s at the door. I’ll see you soon.”
“MWAH,” Evelyn kissed into the phone.
I don’t know if it was the word brother or the fact that she brought up prom that caused the wave of nausea now washing over me. I dragged a chair over to the hallway closet and climbed up to reach the corner of a gold box peeking out from the top shelf. I lifted off the top and stared down at our faces smiling back from a pile of photos. I pulled out my favorite. It was strip of four images snapped in a booth at Adventure Park. I ran my thumb along each square remembering the moment my feelings for Billy – and our first kiss – had been captured on film.
It was all very innocent. Everything about our first four years together was nothing but innocent. Billy and Evelyn joined our household at the start of 8th grade. We became best friends before the ink dried on their marriage certificate. Our birthdays were three weeks apart in March, so we decided to celebrate our 14th year with some family bonding over miniature golf and arcade games. I was thrilled to have a partner in crime. We ran from game to game, earning enough prize tickets for two matching rings with glowing alien heads and a ridiculous amount of taffy. This became our go-to place nearly every weekend.
It only made sense for us to spend our 18th birthdays there as well. We scarfed down pizza and dreamed of attending Chico State together. Billy was accepted everywhere he applied, but made the decision to stick with me. I was determined to make a living with my artwork and Dad wasn’t going to help financially for “just an artsy fartsy” degree. Thank God Chico State was still within my reach with grants and loans.
“You belong on the East Coast. I don’t want to hold you back,” I said.
A look of sadness washed over him as he put down his pizza slice. “Being with my best friend would be holding me back?”
“You’re so much smarter than I am. I just want you to take over the universe.”
“I will … we will. You’re a lot smarter than you give yourself credit for.”
“Whatever.”
“It’s true! Plus, I don’t really enjoy myself when you’re not around, Sis.”
The feeling was mutual. I was accustomed to hearing his voice bubbling with excitement over the latest tech news. I loved the way Irish Spring soap scented his skin and the towel hanging over the shower door every morning. I cheered each tiny hair that tried unsuccessfully to sprout on his baby face.
“We need an 18th birthday picture,” he said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the photo booth. We crammed our warm bodies onto the seat. The black screen reflected cheeks flushed from hours of air hockey. Our heads leaned together and Billy held up two fingers for bunny ears behind mine. Flash. Then he wrapped his arms around my neck and planted a kiss on my cheek. Flash. I puckered to return the favor, but at the last possible second, he turned his face and our lips met. My eyes were open wide with surprise. Flash. The final photo showed us still connected by the lips, but my eyes were closed and his hands were gripped around my arms, pulling me closer. Flash.
It took a few moments for us to separate. I watched his throat as he swallowed hard before breaking the awkward silence. “Let’s see what we can get with our prize tickets.”
I nodded and walked behind him, slowly rubbing my lips together. Did I just kiss my brother? STEPbrother, silly. STEPbrother. I wanted to kiss him again. Billy selected a glow-in-the-dark watch, bag of taffy, and some of those sticky spiders you throw on the wall and watch roll down in a jumble. He was already ripping open a piece of candy while I struggled to even focus on the prizes. I stared down at the photo strip. That just happened. The teenage worker sighed loudly as I tapped my fingers on the glass case. I saw a little octopus smiling up at me.