I start by turning over the glass coffee table, shattering it on the cool marble tiles. I watch out so I don’t step on any of the sharp pieces, but after a careful thought, I take one anyway and slice it across my wrist.
Not enough to bleed out.
Just enough to make her think I did it on purpose.
Then I pick up the phone and type in Emme’s number.
And I listen for the ring.
“Hello?”
Her voice is groggy with sleep and I can tell I’ve woken her up, which fits accordingly with my plan. So far, so good.
“Emme, Emme,” I say desperately, my voice braking over every single word as I beg for her attention. I can immediately feel the change of the atmosphere across the line, the electric current reaching through the phone right to me.
“What’s wrong?” she says, immediately alert, her voice only lightly ringed with a panicked tone. “Did something happen? Are you okay? Oh, please tell me you’re okay, Aiden …”
I make sure to make a few exasperated moans and gasps and I can feel her getting more and more worried, breathing anxiously down the line.
“I did something stupid, Emmy,” I say softly. “Something so stupid …”
She takes a sharp intake of breath and I smile to myself, pleased with how everything is progressing.
“I’ll be right there,” she says in a rush. “Do you want to stay on the line?”
I make sure to stay quiet for a few moments to make her worried. “Aiden?” she asks anxiously. “Aiden, are you okay?!”
I refuse to answer, instead cutting the line immediately after that. Then, I sit in the armchair in the living room, waiting for my doll to come and play.
***
She bangs on the door when she’s hear, shouting my name desperately. I get up slowly, getting ready to play. My arm is bleeding, not too heavily but just enough to make her worried.
I make my way to the door, whimpering and dragging my feet behind me as I do so.
I open the latch with shaking fingers and she bursts in in a flurry of silken blonde hair and worried sentences, already grabbing me and pulling me closer, worried about me.
“Aiden, oh Aiden,” she says, her voice shaking with worry. “What have you done? What is this?”
She grabs my arm in her palms, turning it over so the gash is exposed. She takes a sharp intake of breath when she sees what I’ve done and I gasp with make belief pain as she touches me.
Truth is, I don’t feel much of anything apart from the unsteady beating of my heart, the excitement building up deep in the pit of my belly. I want her so fucking bad it’s the only thing I can think about, my slashed arm completely forgotten.
I fight back my urges for as long as I can, letting her drag me into the bathroom and clean my wound. She uses a bottle of vodka I had stashed in the cabinet of the bathroom, not mentioning the strange position of it.
And all I can do is stare at her. Those beautiful, luscious, full lips … I’m already imagining them wrapped around the tip of my cock, suffocating on my girth.
“Are you not hurting?” she asks worriedly, wrapping a gauze around my wrist.
I realize I have to keep my act up, otherwise she’ll know something is up. I have to pretend something is wrong so she doesn’t think twice about helping me. And most of all, I have to get her to my bedroom.
“I need to lie down,” I say, my voice breaking over the words.
“Sure,” she says hurriedly. “Let’s get you to your bedroom and I’ll call a doctor …”
She helps me up the stairs and I feign pain as she does so, making sure of something else as we make our way up. “Did you tell anyone you were coming over? I’m so embarrassed,” I say with a hushed tone.
She shakes her head and my heart plummets. No one knows she’s here.
She’s at my mercy. And I have none.
We finally make it to my bedroom and immediately, her eyes spot the large tablecloth covering an object in the corner of the room. She doesn’t ask though, too preoccupied with getting me to lie down on the bed.
I stumble on purpose, settling on the soft covers. Emme busies herself with the duvet, covering me like I’m some child, but I pull her hand, making her come closer.
“Emme,” I groan. “Please … Lie next to me. I don’t want to be alone. I need you to help me. Only you can do it, you know it’s always been like that …”
She only looks hesitant for a split second. I can almost see the gears turning in her head, contemplating whether she should do it or not. But finally, she gives a brief nod and climbs inside the bed along with me.
I don’t touch her, oh, not yet.
I let her settle next to me, a safe distance between us.
She finally looks up to me through her thick black lashes. I wonder if they obscure her vision. She’s so beautiful … my perfect little baby doll.
I imagine her broken porcelain exterior and it gets me off like nothing else ever could.
“Emme,” I say.
Our eyes meet across the bed and she smiles softly.
“Why did you do this, Aiden?” she asks hesitantly, like she’s afraid of hearing the answer. “Why did you hurt yourself? How could you do that to your own body?”
I look at her for a moment, contemplating my answer. Finally, I answer truthfully. “I did it for you,” I say with a groan. “Can’t you see, Emme? It’s always been for you …”
There’s a certain wonder in her eyes I’m not used to, like she’s wondering what I mean.
And for a minute, I let myself pretend we’re a real couple. We’re just lying in our bed, about to make love. We’re not fighting, and I don’t have the constant urge to hurt her, claim her. We’re just … happy. In love.
But the red mist always takes over in the end.
And as much as I want to fight it, I never win.
So when I reach over to Emme and see the fear registering in her eyes, I know there’s no normal for us. I can either let her be, let her stay happy with my twin brother … Or I can selfishly take her for myself and ruin her in the process.
I already made my decision.