“Tanner….” I said, but couldn’t find any more words.
He leaned over towards me. His face was inches from mine. We looked into each other’s eyes, down deep, and I could see his handsome face, his warm expression, in the light of the streetlamp.
Please kiss me, I was thinking, so so hard.
He came a little closer. His lips were like a millimeter from mine and I began to tremble.
And then he did it. He only grazed my lips at first, but he came right back, his mouth slightly open, and I slipped my tongue in and his mouth opened more, and we groaned at the same time, our hands frantically grabbing each other over our winter coats. He pulled his mouth away and scraped his three-day beard on my cheek and that rough touch sent a bolt to my pussy like I’d never felt before. I was dripping wet, just from that one kiss, electric surges rocketing around my body. Then his lips were back, rougher this time, urgent, and for a short moment all our aching need was exposed in our kiss. I reached a hand down to his leg and stroked it, moving higher, my head swimming with idea of finally touching Tanner’s cock.
He pulled away. Took back his beautiful soft lips, took back his hand. Took back his love.
“No, Maggie,” he murmured.
I pulled my hand back, stung. He wanted me, I knew it, I could feel it. I might have been a virgin but no one kisses that like if they’re not feeling it, right?
“I’m supposed to protect you,” he said. “Not…not this.”
“I was trying to tell you back there—I don’t need your protection. I mean, I want your support, maybe sometimes your help. But I don’t need some white knight on standby, looking to swoop in and save the day if I screw up.”
“I’m not saying that,” he said. “It’s just…what if we do this, and it goes wrong? Then what, Maggie? And also…you’re my sister. I know—stepsister. Our parents—”
I laughed, a little bitterly. “Like you give two craps about what they think. We’re not blood-related, Tanner, obviously. And we’re adults. It’s not even…” I got out of the car then. I was so disappointed, so hurt, that all I could do was run up to my room and hole up alone. I had no interest in sitting in the car listening to all the many reasons Tanner could concoct for why we couldn’t be together.
Because you know exactly how it is: if he wanted me enough, he would be with me.
It’s that simple.
I cried myself to sleep last night. Sure, I was sorta drunk, but this was real hurt, not alcohol-fueled self-pity. I had gone out with Jamie hoping for a hook-up, thinking that would wipe Tanner out of my mind, and instead now all I could think of now was the taste of his lips and the feel of his arms around me, holding me tight.We had gotten close, so close. Every time I shut my eyes it was like my lips were expecting his to come back, to touch mine as tenderly and enticingly as they had in the car.
I wanted to be mad at him. It’s easier being mad, isn’t it? Less painful. But I couldn’t get there, couldn’t stop thinking of how to argue against his objections and make him change his mind. Couldn’t stop wanting him.
In the morning I woke up looking like a mess. My eyes were puffy and my skin almost green. I didn’t want to face my family so I stayed up in my room, even skipping coffee so you know that’s a serious commitment to avoidance.
At 10, I gave Jamie a call, but her phone went straight to voicemail. She was probably in bed with some guy, having some morning fun, or sleeping after a long night of gymnastic sex. I sighed. If only getting laid was all I wanted. Why did I have to make everything so hard, co complicated? Why couldn’t I just fall for some guy in my dorm or my econ class?
Hanging out by myself in my room for hours, I obviously had a lot of time to think. I took a shower and slowly began to pull myself together. I was wondering about something. On this visit, Tanner seemed, I don’t know, a little mysterious. He was generally so open, so willing to share whatever he was thinking—not one of those strong, silent types where you have to guess what the hell they’re feeling and maybe they’re not feeling much of anything at all. Tanner wasn’t like that. He was plenty strong, ready to kick ass and take care of business like he did last night—and he was sensitive, too.
The perfect guy.
But this time, something was different. And I kicked myself for realizing it now, after everything that had happened. Or almost happened. I had been so absorbed in my own lust that I hadn’t taken the time to pay attention to Tanner, to ask him how he was doing.
I had been selfish. No other way to say it.
I decided to go ask Mom what I could do to help with Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and then try to make peace with Tanner. It wasn’t true that I’d only love Tanner if he led the kind of life I’d choose for him. I loved him no matter what. And if he didn’t know that, maybe I needed to tell him.
It was quiet downstairs. No one was in the family room. I wandered into the kitchen and found Tanner there, cooking a pan of bacon.
“Morning,” I said, as meekly as I could muster. I noticed he was wearing some new pants, and they didn’t look like they were made for the trail. They fit perfectly, and I could see the outline of his package. I quickly looked away.
“Good morning, Margaret,” he said, grinning at me and flipping some strips of bacon over. “How’s your head?”
“No comment.”
“Mom and Dad went to do the grocery shopping for tomorrow. What do you think they’ll bring back? A couple of cans of Spaghetti-Os and a bottle of gin?”
We laughed. Then we laughed more. Every time we were done laughing, our eyes would meet and that would set us off again. Some of the family holidays in our past had been absolutely dreadful, I mean Jerry Springer bad, but at least now it gave us something to crack up about. I laughed so hard tears were rolling down my cheeks and I had to restrain myself from putting my hands on Tanner, because I felt so connected to him.
Tanner flipped some more bacon and I inhaled deeply, loving the smell. Now that I thought about it, Tanner always smelled sort of bacony. Bacon and woodsmoke, on top of whatever manly smell was just him. Mmm.
Then we both started talking at once, apologizing. “Me first!” I shouted. He turned away from the stove and leaned against the counter. Damn. Here I was, about to apologize for last night, and attempt to go forward as friends, but just the sight of him, the closeness of him, made my body so jangled up with yearning. “I…”
He waited.
I looked at his tousled hair and his big, brawny thighs. He crossed his arms over his chest and I admired his biceps. I couldn’t help myself! And I totally forgot what I was going to say. Because…Tanner. I swallowed and looked down at the floor, trying to get my feet back under me, trying to come up with the strength to resist him.
He said, “I hated seeing you with that asshole last night. I mean—I hated seeing you being treated like that. It made me want to kill the guy.”
I could hear the anger in his voice. Tanner was usually so chill, but he sounded like he was about to go track the guy down and clock him again.
He said, “But I just want to make sure you know that I wasn’t following you last night because I thought you were going to get into trouble, or didn’t trust you to take care of yourself, or anything like that,” he said quietly.
“Well, I wasn’t doing a great job of it last night. I never should have left the bar with that creep.”
“What were you even…I mean, I came to that bar just because…I wanted to spend time with you.” He opened his mouth to say something else, but closed it again.
My eyes widened. “Same,” I whispered. I reached out my hand and he grabbed it and squeezed it. “Last night—” I started, but he shook his head.
“I was an idiot to stop kissing you,” he murmured, and looked deep into my eyes the way he does, like he sees everything about me, including who I’ve been and who I’ll become. He took my chin in his hand and lifted it up slightly so that my face was upturned to his, my mouth so close to his delicious lips.
> I ached for him. And I saw in his eyes that he wanted me too, I was sure of it.
“Tanner,” I said, my voice breaking.
Without a word he kept hold of my hand and turned off the stove. Then he led me out of the kitchen and up the stairs. “You did hear me say that the parents are out?” he said, a very mischievous smile on his beautiful face.
“I did,” I said, my breath coming shorter. We were standing at the door to his bedroom. He put his hands on my shoulders and then let them run down my sides to my hips, and then he pulled me into him, into his tantalizing hard-on, and he moved his hands to my ass and pressed us together so I could feel all of him.
I gasped as he pumped his hips slowly against me, making me feverish, making me burn.
God, it was amazing to feel his stiff length pushing into me like that, right on my clit, like he belonged there. “Tanner,” I said again, because I loved him, and loved to say his name.
“It’s time,” he said, caressing my ass and pulling me into him again. “Oh, Maggie,” he groaned, “it’s time.”