“That’s not fair.” The driver honked his horn, anxious to get back to town.
“It’s not,” I conceded, moving to grab my bags from Chase. “But this isn’t something we can do, not on the eve of our parents’ wedding. Not starting out when we’re supposed to be family.” He nodded, dejected. There seemed to be something like real sadness behind his eyes. I felt like I was sinking, worse now than when I realized Chase would soon be my stepbrother. He held to the bags, refusing to let go. His muscles were pulled taut under his shirt.
“Chase, come on,” I said. He sighed and walked out to the taxi, tossing the bags in the open trunk. I followed, looking down at the patio beneath my feet. I didn’t want him to read the disappointment in my own eyes. He was the boy I couldn’t have, after all. And I’d continue as my mousy brown self, the library student without a hope of bagging a guy like Chase. Later on down the line, I’d find someone stable and dependable, someone more than a silly one night stand.
Not even one night in our case, I thought. I stood by the taxi and brushed my hair behind my ear, already nostalgic for the few moments I felt like one of those sexy girls I never thought I could be.
Chase stood and watched as I got into the taxi, his face unreadable. I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn’t think of what.
I looked back as the man kicked the car into gear and headed back down the steep hill. Chase was still standing there, watching me as we retreated in the distance. My mother stepped out onto the porch and waved, smiling and unaware.
I rode back to the hotel, pondering my time with Chase and trying to let it go. Our attraction had felt so immediate, but I knew it wasn’t unusual to find someone so quickly. I knew it happened all the time; it just didn’t happen to me. I looked out of the windows at the palms and tropical greenery, giving way to cottages and shanties set along the road. The small town lay before us, the sun setting behind us and illuminating the city with orange and gold light.
We pulled into the parking lot of the hotel, and I handed a ten to the driver.
“Didn't work out with your boyfriend?” He smiled into the rear view mirror. I laughed, thinking about the idea of Chase as my boyfriend. The obviously privileged, handsome boy and the nerdy, mousy girl. No, that didn't work at all. It was weird enough that his father was marrying into my family, but it made sense that fate would come up with something so thoroughly fucked up for me. It would keep me from my island romance ... and the pleasure of sleeping with someone who might actually be good in bed.
“No, suffice to say it didn’t.”
“Well the island has a way of bringing people together,” he said. I nodded and got out of the car, grabbing the bags myself from the trunk. I hefted them over my shoulders and walked to the nondescript hotel. Nondescript, just like me. It made sense that I belonged here instead of up there with him and our deliriously happy parents. I sighed and walked up to the hotel, resolved to drink several small bottles of vodka and go straight to sleep.
I checked into the hotel in a daze, ordering a dish of mango chicken and a tropical drink to be sent up to the room. I lazily paid a bell boy to take up my bags, resolving to use my vacation hours to the best of their ability. I looked around at the tourists, all enjoying themselves. The chatter in the lobby was deafening. There were other folks here for weddings, and many more for their family vacations. I saw a handsome couple, pulling each other into a deep embrace and kissing with unabashed pleasure.
Envy rose in my gut, and I turned away, toward the elevator and toward the peacefulness of being alone. I rode up to my room and saw my dinner and bags waiting for me. I ate blindly, flipping through the channels and downing my drink as fast as I could. After I pushed the empty plate outside, I opened another bottle of booze from the mini-bar and dumped it into the glass with my remaining ice. I gulped it down, welcoming the feeling of relief.
I wasn't normally one to drink, but this was a special occasion. I lay back on the bed, staring at an episode of “The Bachelor” and finishing the rest of the alcohol through my straw.
"Fake fucking happiness," I mumbled, throwing my tiny umbrella at the television. I closed my eyes as they contestants prattled on, settling into my cocoon of solitude. This would suffice for right now.
After tomorrow, I'd forget about Chase and carry on with my vacation, burying myself in schoolwork on the beach. Chase was only a passing interest, at best. I was just upset because I couldn't fully sample the goods.
That’s the only reason, I assured myself as I fell asleep.
CHAPTER FOUR
I woke up late the next morning. My eyes were heavy and gritty feeling, and I realized that I was probably slightly hungover. I’d fallen asleep with strange dreams of Chase taking up my mental energy. I turned over in bed and shook off the visions of Chase, his body pressed against mine. I groaned and opened my eyes a crack. Sometime in the night, I’d opened the window to the balcony. I could hear the happy shouts of children and the waves crashing on the shore.
I pulled the pillow over my head, willing the happy people to go away. I knew I should be happy myself on the dawn of my mother’s wedding, but I still felt robbed of the one exciting thing I’d ever wanted to do.
My phone buzzed and shook on the bedside table. I moaned at the sound of it. There was incessant buzzing the night before, all texts from my mom.
I got up slowly and walked out onto the balcony with my phone, letting the balmy breeze wash away the thick hangover. I'd ignored the text my mom had sent me, inviting me to dinner. I knew that I couldn't be around Chase. I'd only figured I'd see him for one night anyway, so it wasn't like it was a big loss. I might see him a year from now, at a quick Christmas gathering or a cousin's wedding. Other than that, I could safely avoid him, just like it was meant to be.
I clicked my phone, looking through my messages. I was invited to dinner. I was invited to get ready with my mother at the cabin this morning. She hoped I would stay for the reception on the beach and not hide out in my hotel room. My mom. She did know something was wrong, but she had no idea what, and she had no earthly clue what to do.
My phone buzzed as I held it limply in my hand. It was Chase.
Where are you?
I didn't open it. He could think I was ignoring him. After all, it didn't matter. It was only ever going to be a hook-up, a one night stand. He wouldn't have called me again, and I wouldn't have seen him when I went back to the city. New York is a big place, and he didn't even know that's where I lived.
Then why did I feel so shitty?
It wasn’t like we would see each other again. It wasn’t like I really cared about him. I couldn’t in such a short time, right? It wasn’t possible. We’d barely even hooked up. Still, I couldn’t get away from the fantasy of having him near me, the thrill of that one moment before our one night stand was ripped away.
I stepped into the shower, turning the water hot. I stepped inside and let the water run over my hair, making my brown curls heavy with water. I shook my head and watched the water droplets fly. I closed my eyes, and a vision of Chase popped into my head. I imagined him, running his hands over my body, his strong arms wrapping around me … his fingers slipping deep inside of me. I wondered what it would be like for him to take me … to fill me up completely. I slipped my hands down over my hips and to the sensitive flesh of my thighs, tracing my fingers where Chase had touched me. I circled the sensitive button of my clit, moaning as the heat built deep in my core.
The climax built inside of me, washing over me and making me shake in the warm water of the shower. I watched my muscles tense and shake as the rivulets of water poured over me. The thought of Chase's hands on me had left me undone. I slumped against the shower wall, panting. A slight flush had risen in my body, and I wondered if my mom would be able to read my thoughts when I met her to get ready. And I wondered if I'd be able to avoid Chase for the day. He was supposed to be doing something with his Dad this morning, my mom had told me over text. It's like she'd som
ehow understood that my silence had something to do with Chase. I knew I couldn't exactly avoid him at the wedding, but I didn't have to look his way on purpose.
I wondered if it would matter to him. It probably wouldn't.
I soaped my body off and washed my face, letting the memory of the climax fade from my mind. I didn't know why Chase affected me like I did. Maybe it was just the novelty of being away from my humdrum life in the city. Maybe it was the romance of going to an island wedding. Or maybe the island did have a way of bringing people together.