Truthfully, I loved both those ideas. But I was afraid to even consider them, because I knew one thing for sure. “School costs money and I don’t have any.”
“I didn’t have any either. Which is why I joined the army. Sure, it means it’ll be a while before I have my college degree, but I won’t have debt when I’m through—”
“Well, bully for you,” I snapped, frustrations of living in a poor town without many opportunities surfacing. “Not all of us are cut out to be soldiers and go to college on Uncle Sam’s dime.”
“No, but there are scholarships and other—”
“Ok, I’ll have to look into it.”
“Don’t do that,” Jake said.
I munched on the last bit of bacon. “Do what?”
“That thing you do. Shrug off opportunities to better yourself. Look, given how little you were when your dad was thrown in prison, it must’ve done a real number on you growing up. It probably shook your confidence and made you feel like you couldn’t succeed—”
“Don’t analyze me,” I said, not wanting to talk about my dad, the drug dealer, who I’d seen a total of twice in my life. Both times during visiting hours at the state prison. Thinking about it, in fact, made me lose my appetite altogether. So I stood up, and took my dish to the sink.
Jake abandoned his breakfast to follow me. “The fact that your dad is a fuck up isn’t genetic, you know. And even if it were, your mom is a great lady who knew how to pick herself up again. She got her nursing degree. She has a happy marriage now. A happy life. You can too. You’re not like your father, Nicole. And you don’t have to end up with a guy like him, either.”
It was single most presumptuous thing anybody had ever said to me. I didn’t care that there might be some kernel of truth in it. I just cared that Jake had the fucking nerve to say it. “Hey. You don’t get to lecture me like you’re really my brother. You’re not, okay?”
Jake leaned back against the countertop in the galley kitchen, his hands griping the edge of it so tight his knuckles went white. “I never wanted to be your brother, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” I
said, my face going hot, my stomach roiling with upset—at exactly what, I wasn’t sure. Maybe it was that he brought up all the bullshit about my dad. Or maybe it was that for a while there, eating breakfast together, I was feeling something for him that I shouldn’t have felt. “I know you never wanted to be anything to me. You’ve never wanted anything to do with me at all.”
“You’re wrong about that.”
Sudden tears pricked at my eyes while I rinsed my plate. “Whatever.”
“You’re wrong, Nicole. Well, you’re right about one thing. I don’t want to be a fucking brother to you,” he said, his voice rising, throaty with emotion. “I want…”
He trailed off and I turned to stare at him. His chest was heaving with deep breaths and I was suddenly very confused. “Wh-what do you want?”
His hands went from gripping the countertop behind him, to gripping the countertop behind me—penning me in between his strong arms. “You, Nicole. I’ve always wanted you…”
~~~
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What the hell was happening?
Standing nearly nose-to-nose with Jake, so close that I could feel his hot breath on my face, so close that I could feel the heat radiating off his strong chest, a rush of arousal and confusion swirled hot through my veins. My eyes widening, I stammered, “But—but that one time, when we kissed…”
He groaned. And this time, it was a lot sexier than the time he groaned over the potatoes. “That goddamned kiss.”
“You remember it?”
“Do I remember it?” he asked, startling a little bit. “I can’t forget it! I’ve been thinking about that kiss for almost five years. The way your mouth was so hot and wet. The way you smelled like coconut sun tan lotion. The way the sun was reflecting off the pool onto your hair. I remember everything about that kiss.”
Holy shit. Holy fucking shit. Inside, I was freaking out. But outside, I was desperately trying to hold it together, because it just didn’t make any sense. “Then why…why didn’t it happen again?”
He swallowed, touching his forehead to mine. “Because I knew better. You were my stepsister. You were off limits.”
“Says who?”
“Says everybody,” Jake said, his voice cracking. “My dad gave me the evil eye every time I looked at you—and reminded me that you’d had a hard life. I knew I was going into the army. I didn’t want to be another guy to abandon you.”
My world was shifting under my feet so quickly, I couldn’t keep up. “So, instead, you treated me like crap?”
Jake frowned. “I didn’t treat you like crap. I just tried to stay away from you. I tried to steer clear of you. I tried to be a nice guy who wouldn’t take advantage of you. But I’m obviously not a nice guy…”
“Yes, you are.”
“No,” Jake said, his knee pushing between mine, with a promise of more. “I’m not. Because a nice guy wouldn’t do this…”
Before I could take another breath, his mouth came down on mine, capturing my lips. And I completely melted into his arms.
Though he held me hard, his kiss was gentle, maybe mindful that I was still a little banged up. He tasted like bacon and coffee and the smoothness of his mouth was like velvet against mine. He kissed me with a lingering heat. And while I couldn’t believe it was happening, I definitely didn’t want it to stop.
My arms went around his neck, and I kissed him back. I mean I really kissed him back, not caring about my injuries. And it was even better than that amazing kiss by the pool all those years ago, because this time I wasn’t a horny teenager. I was a grown woman, and I understood all the exciting feelings rushing through my body.