I wasn’t the least bit fine. Unrequited love was a bitch.
Up the stairs we went, past the ground level, on to the second. My bedroom door was the second on the left. He paused by the entry and I switched on the light, turning it to low. It was a mood lighting sort of night.
“Lena.” He swallowed, his eyes darkening. “Let me come in.”
“I can’t.”
“But—”
“I can’t,” I repeated. “We need to stop.”
“No, we don’t.”
“We do,” I said. “This isn’t working for me. I can’t block it out. I can’t pretend I don’t feel things for you. I’m just not made that way.”
“No, we’re fine. I swear we’re fine.” His hands ran over my arms, my back, drawing me in. I wanted him, all of him, so desperately. His touch made it impossible to resist. “Everything’s good.”
“Jimmy …”
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay, it’s just me.” He pressed his lips to mine and the taste of him. God. Nothing tasted better, nothing ever could. And I couldn’t hold back if I tried. I angled my face, opening my mouth to trace his lips with my tongue. He made a noise of pure hunger in his throat and hands gripped my hips, fingers fierce.
There’d be marks in the morning.
My hands wrapped around his neck, holding on tight. Right up until he tried to push my coat off my shoulders, then I had to let go. If he was the great love of my life, then it was only right then we went out with a bang. Nothing could fix things now the words had been said. I knew that. I felt it in every fiber of my being. This was goodbye.
We fumbled out of our clothes, stumbling in the general direction of the bed. The thing was, we got about halfway and Jimmy’s hands smoothed up my thighs, pushing my skirt up to my waist. Thank god for thigh-high stockings. Our mouths were all over each other, tongues rubbing and teasing. He tore my panties down, pressing me against the nearest wall, and down he went.
The first feel of his mouth against me was ecstasy, the lashing of his tongue and sucking of his lips. All of the blood in me rushed straight to his command. I ground my pu**y against his face and he groaned in approval. He was so hungry for me. If only that was enough.
“Oh god, Jimmy.” My hands found his hair and his tongue found my cl*t and f**k … so good. My eyes rolled straight back into my head. Carefully, he lifted my leg onto his shoulder, opening me further to his ministrations. He worked me hard and fast up to cl**ax, my whole body quaking. I was half primed from the oral earlier, despite the emotional turmoil. And thank goodness vaginas don’t care for such heartbreak and pain. I didn’t want to miss a moment of this, our last time together.
Two thick fingers worked slid into me, curved and pressed against a sweet spot inside. He’d said he knew my body and he hadn’t been lying. I shouted out and came, blindsided by the exquisite rush. My fingers knotted in his hair, pulling hard. But he didn’t complain. My bones rattled and my mind emptied and it was beautiful. For one bright brilliant moment the whole world made sense. I was right where I belonged. Then reality and sadness came crashing back in. Eyes closed, his lips pressed against my pubic bone in a soft reverent kiss. It seemed almost an act of benediction. He pressed his forehead against my stomach, just taking a moment as if he’d been the one so recently turned inside out.
The silken strands of his hair sifted through my fingers. “Hey, are you all right?”
“Yeah.”
Jimmy Ferris didn’t mess around.
He got to his feet, tore down his zipper and reached for me. I’d yet to stop shaking from coming, but he didn’t wait. He lifted me in his arms, winding my legs around his waist. I wished I was strong enough to hold onto him forever this way. The hard thick head of his c**k pressed against my opening and slowly he sunk inside. He filled me in ways no one else ever could, and it had nothing to do with size.
“You’re so f**king beautiful, Lena.”
“God. Jimmy.”
“Need you.”
Teeth nipped at my ear lobe, the sweet sting stealing through me, making me gasp. He covered my face in kisses, hot lips moving over my skin, branding me as his. It seemed he couldn’t get enough of me either. His hands, mouth, and c**k were all determined to leave their mark on my body. My stupid heart beat hard and fast, feeling full to overflowing, but there was nothing I could do about that. I held him fast, letting him pound into me, imprinting himself in every pore. Nothing in me didn’t belong to him, whether I wanted it or not.
Regardless of what made rational sense, my heart gave and gave until there was nothing left.
But isn’t that the way of some loves? He came hard, c**k jerking inside of me, teeth embedded in my neck. His head lay on my shoulder as he caught his breath, both of us sagging against the wall.
He carried me to the bed, collapsing onto the mattress at my side. I rolled onto my side, to face him. He looked wiped out, bone tired. Fair enough, I myself wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Dark hair fell over his face, hiding his eyes from me. The glare of the light was dazzling. I should have turned it down more. Hell, I should have turned it off.
“I can’t keep doing this,” I said.
He didn’t answer.
“We need to go back to being strictly business. It’s for the best.” I had no better words.
A shiver ran through him and he rolled onto his side, turning his back on me.
The most beautiful man I ever met crept out my bed just before midnight and I let him go.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
I overslept. When I woke, the sounds of shouting and laughter already carried through the house.
Another busy day in the Stage Dive world.
In all honesty, I didn’t know what came next. Since he’d run off Tom, I’d have to find him another replacement companion/assistant. Time would tell if I still got to do the apprenticeship with Pam. Perhaps I’d see about enrolling in an arts college or something, studying photography another way. I’d finally found what I just might want to do with the rest of my life. Something I could be passionate about. There was one almighty positive to come out of this screwed up situation.
“Hey,” I said, wandering in to the kitchen, my hair still wet from the shower.
The guys were gathered around the table, throwing back coffee and various energy drinks. Mal was apparently practicing his wedding speech, ready for Vegas. He stood tall on a chair while the others jeered and threw wadded up balls of paper. Dean hung out in the corner, giving me a brief attempt at a smile. Even Taylor and Pam were here, standing with their arms around one another. Further proof of love everlasting and coupley happiness.