Whether she would even be able to bear looking at him at all once she found out the truth...
God.
I can't lose her.
I can't.THE PANTRY, JUST AS Cassidy warned them, was not much. Between the floor-to-ceiling shelves, the space wasn't even wide enough to fit Lucian's broad frame, and this left the surgeon no choice but to lean against one side while Audra gazed at him from the other.
He was still trying to figure out where and how to start when she suddenly broke the silence between them—-
"Everyone seems to be talking about me."
The words gutted him to the core, and Lucian had to clench his fists against the urge to cage her in his arms.
"Lucian?"
He breathed hard. "It's my fault," he said tautly. "Yesterday, when you came to my office, I made the decision to cancel the rest of my appointments. One of it was Harriet Thatcher..." He could see that the name meant nothing to Audra, he forced himself to go on, saying, "She's married to one of our board members. She's also a huge gossip, so there was a chance...I knew there was a strong likelihood..."
Audra shook her head in confusion. "What are you talking about?"
"I knew she was likely to want to find out why I canceled," Lucian gritted out, "and that she had the resources to know you'd be the reason—-"
"So she knows we...slept together in your office?"
"Not just that," he said tightly, "but she was likely to talk about it—-"
Her eyes widened. "That's what they were talking about?"
"Not just that—-"
Audra suddenly interrupted him off, asking in an uncertain tone, "Does it really matter that they know?"
The way she was looking at him almost made Lucian groan. What she was really asking was if the gossip mattered because he wanted to keep their relationship a secret, and for her to even think that—-
"I want you," he said fiercely, "and I'm proud that you're mine."
The fear in her eyes faded, and a smile broke over her lips. "Then why—-"
"But that's not the only thing people are talking about."
"It won't matter whatever it is," she said earnestly. "As long as—-"
"Someone took a photo of you and Kit together."
"I know, but..." Her brows furrowed. "Are you saying that they think I'm juggling my time between the two of you?"
"They also know that I asked Dr. Mendez—-"
He saw her stiffen, and Lucian knew it was finally dawning on her, how much he had fucked up.
"You asked her to be your date to the party," Audra whispered.
"I've already told her I'm not—-" He couldn't help reaching for her as he spoke, but Audra jerked away as if his touch sickened her, and Lucian's face whitened with pain. "Audra—-"
"You wanted this to happen," she choked out.
"I'm sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "If I could turn back time, I would do so in a heartbeat, no matter the cost—-"
"But why did you do it?" Audra's voice shook with the effort of holding her tears back.
"I was gutted when you didn't show up my office that night," Lucian revealed jerkily, "and then the day after I saw that photo of you with Kit circulating on the Internet..." A muscle started ticking at his jaw. "I thought the worst. I made myself believe that you had turned me down because you were holding off for someone better like Kit, and it made me...crazy."
He waited for Audra to say something, but when she only gazed at him with tear-filled eyes, despair nearly swallowed him whole. He had probably shocked her, made her feel sick and disgusted that she had ever liked someone as vengeful as him.
And as much as he wished he could tell her she was wrong about him..."I LOVE YOU."
Audra's head jerked up, but Lucian's dark gaze didn't waver from her, and the words remained between them. Not retracted. Not withdrawn. But real.
"When I first saw you in class, it was like being struck by lightning."
She had never imagined someone as coolly composed as Lucian Stanhope could say something so heartwrenchingly clichéd, and the crushing sense of hurt inside of Audra started to fade.
"I had never been in love before that day, but I knew that was what I was feeling."
The sting in her eyes worsened, and Audra bit her lip hard, knowing it was only a matter of time before her tears fell—-
"And I was obsessed with you. So much so that..." She saw his throat work convulsively, saw how unnaturally lacking in grace his movements were as he reached for his wallet in his pocket. And when he flipped it open...
Audra started to cry.
She knew that photo. She even remembered how the whole class thought it weird of Lucian to ask them to pass a personal essay with their respective photos attached. And most of all, she remembered nearly paying a fortune, getting her photo taken over and over so that, no matter how improbable—-