Feeney’s eyes are huge, so large that they look like they’ve been drawn on by a makeup artist. It’s like those aren’t even her real eyes at all, except they are. They’re not only wide, but they’re also burning with fury and shock. “Are you insane? How could you just…just…I’m a human being! I’m a person with feelings!”
“I know that.”
“Except you didn’t even stop to think about it. No. You thought I was just some spoiled rich girl with rich girl problems. You might have wanted a type of pseudo mom for Shade, but you didn’t give a shit about me. I don’t know what agreement you thought I could possibly come to with you…”
“I know. It’s fucked up. I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. I wasn’t in a good headspace. I was just totally shut down and out of it. I don’t know. I…god. Your father made it sound like it could work.”
“Don’t put this on him! How can you think two people can just have an agreement to live in the same house and act like they’re together when they don’t even really like each other? How could you think that after you were married before?! Do you think that’s what would make a good marriage?”
“I didn’t really think that—”
“No. You didn’t think.”
“I didn’t,” I freely confess, trying to diffuse her anger and get her to listen, but I can tell I’m just making things worse. “I didn’t think. I…I don’t know. I didn’t see it ending in marriage. I don’t know what I thought, and anyway, it was a terrible idea. It was just about your parents trying to protect you, and also about Shade. I’d do anything for him. You know that.”
“So, you would have used me and excused it because he’s a good kid, and he needs someone? What the actual fuck, Luke? Luke. Pfft, no. That’s not even your name. Your name is some rich person's name. Maxwell. I don’t blame you for changing it because it’s a dumb sounding name. You must be…you must…” Feeney’s hand flies to her forehead. “Oh my god. You’re rich too. You have tons of money, don’t you? You…this house, this suburb…it’s all just a cover—”
“Not a cover. I didn’t want to live that life. I didn’t—”
“It does matter! You’re…you’re lying! You’ve been lying to me this whole time! What am I even doing here? No! My parents! My parents called you after I left the house, and then they called Sam too. They must have! You had all of this arranged. I thought I was going to a safe place, and I thought my best friend was calling in a favor, that I was working and doing something I could be proud of, supporting myself. And then…and then us! I thought you cared! You…how could you sleep with me? Just as what? A trial period to see if you could stand it before you told me? As a way to get me hooked? As a way to keep me with you? Oh my fucking god, were you trying to really keep me with you?”
“No! What does that even mean?”
“I’m on the pill, idiot. It would never have happened.”
“I know. You said that the first time we…and no. I was never trying to keep you with me. This wasn’t…this wasn’t supposed to happen. I just wanted us to get to know each other without the pressure because you wouldn’t even listen to your parents. They were trying to explain, I guess.”
“Well, they did a shit job of it.” Feeney’s not losing steam. She’s still just as angry, and her whole body’s rigid with it, her cheeks a bright, vibrant pink, her mouth an angry, flat line.
“They might have, but that’s why they called me, and we made up a plan in about five minutes. We thought this would be best. You wouldn’t know who I was, so you wouldn’t be spoiled by it or bitter about it from the start. I wanted you to get to know Shade, and I thought, if you were terrible, I’d call it off. I did want to tell you, long before now. I just…I never meant…I didn’t think I’d start feeling something for you.”
Feeney’s nostrils flare, and she rolls her eyes. “Jesus Christ. Chicken nuggets. Fuck. All the swears in the whole freaking world! I could use any and all of them, and they’d all apply. How could you be so horrible?! You didn’t think to tell me that night when we were talking? That night right before we…when we…you should have said something!”
“I know! I know I should have! I just didn’t know how to. I know I should have told you the truth, and I’ve tried!”
“But what? You were afraid our little arrangement would be over? You can have anyone, Luke. Anyone will sleep with you if that’s all you want.”