I couldn’t.
There was a certainty inside of me that I’d lose this one too. So I told no one. Didn’t mention a thing when I called Ranger—he wouldn’t let us visit—and told none of the women.
What was the point in telling anyone when I was going to lose it anyway? I’d gone to the doctor’s office, heard the heartbeat, listened to her tell me that my baby was healthy. But she’d said all of that before. I didn’t want to know the sex because I didn’t want to think of it as real. Didn’t want it to become something other than what I’d lose.
It was healthy enough to make me violently ill every morning. Lunchtime. Dinner. There was barely a respite from the nausea, and it was hell trying to hide it from constant visitors. The way Evie looked at me told me she knew, but she said nothing because she wasn’t a woman to try to make me talk about something I’d made a point to be silent about.
When the men pulled in, I decided I wasn’t going to tell Ranger either. Not yet. I couldn’t. I just wanted to be happy that my husband was getting off his bike and damn near sprinting toward us.
He gathered both me and Jack into his arms, and my entire body relaxed with his warmth, strength and scent. He didn’t say anything, neither did I, we just held each other silently. My family was complete again.“I have something to tell you,” I said, my voice shaking.
All of the promises I’d made to myself shattered with him home, with our son, in our bed. I couldn’t keep secrets from Ranger. Especially not one this big, even though it scared me as much it did.
Ranger looked up from his book. I took in the vision of him laying in our bed, glasses on, low light illuminating every ridge of his toned body, leaving shadows on his ink. His son’s name on his heart, next to mine. His name was on my right wrist. Jack’s on my left.
“If it’s that you’ve taken another husband in my stead, can you tell me tomorrow?” he asked, dog earing his book and placing it on his nightstand. “I have plans for you.”
His words made my thighs clench and my nipples pushed through the thin fabric of my nightgown.
Ranger hissed between his teeth. “Come here. Now.”
“No, I need to tell you something first.”
He threw the covers back and was in front of me in a blur. “Well, you can tell me from bed,” he said, lifting me into his arms and carrying me.
When your shirtless, tattooed, muscled and horny husband carries you to bed, you tend to forget things. Very important things. Like you were planning on telling him you were pregnant.
I was only human.
It wasn’t until his hard-on was grinding against my panties and my shirt was gone that I remembered what I was meant to be doing. And I only remembered because of Ranger’s sharp intake of breath when his eyes went to my boobs.
“What the fuck, babe?” he growled, kneading them, causing me to flinch ever so slightly in pain.
He stopped immediately, far too in tune with my body for his own good. “Lizzie?” he asked, voice still.
Yeah, what was I thinking trying to keep this from my husband? My boobs hadn’t changed a whole lot, it was still early, and Jack had done a number on them with breastfeeding. I liked to think they bounced back well, all things considering, but there was no mistaking the increased size or the fact that my nipples were much larger and tender.
“I’m pregnant,” I whispered, fear coating my words.
He stilled when he heard those words. “Pregnant?” he repeated in an unreadable tone.
I nodded. “It’s still early. Thirteen weeks. I don’t want to tell anyone. Don’t want us to get our hopes up.”
Ranger obviously wasn’t listening to this, because while one hand stayed at my breast, the other moved down to settle on my stomach. Flat but peppered with stretchmarks, the evidence of carrying our son. Marks that Ranger worshipped.
“Baby, I spent two months with only one hope,” he murmured. “To get home. Be with my family. So all my hopes and dreams have been fulfilled no matter what.” His eyes moved to mine. “Know why you want to take it slow. I know that you don’t wanna expect anything but the worst because life’s given you the worst. Hate that there’s nothing I can do about that. But I’m here. No matter what. You aren’t alone going through this shit. But just know, I cannot wait to meet our baby girl.”
I blinked through tears. “How do you know it’s a girl?”
He grinned. “Just know.”
Just under six months later, Lily Olive Derrick came into the world.Everyone remembers where they were when they got terrible news. News that hit them right in their core, ruining everything they knew about the world. Hoped about the world. Tearing out their insides.