She and Wolf still weren’t speaking as they both washed and dressed for dinner—which meant Wolf put on a clean shirt and she added a sweater over her knit top.
Outside, around the fire, Alexandra’s spirits continued to sink. Wolf was sitting near her, but he could have been anyone as he didn’t acknowledge her.
Alexandra had never felt like such an outsider. Or a failure.
Four years in Los Angeles. Four years and now this.
She’d moved to Los Angeles with high hopes. She’d wanted to succeed, she’d wanted to be respected, she’d wanted to be important. Valued. And playing Wolf’s love interest and then marrying him had gotten her recognition but not respect.
Certainly not self-respect.
Hyenas laughed hysterically in the dark and Alexandra crossed her arms over her chest, suppressing a shiver, thinking the hyenas tonight could be laughing at her.
They should be laughing at her.
Alexandra had wanted to prove herself, had wanted to show her family that she was smart, independent, savvy. Instead she’d discovered she was just as naive as they’d feared. Instead of succeeding on her own merit, she’d made a name for herself dating a famous actor.
Marrying a famous actor.
She glanced at Wolf and realized with a jolt he was looking at her. His dark eyes were shuttered. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but she wondered if tonight he was as full of regrets as she was.
Wolf brusquely stood. “I’m going to bed,” he announced, saying good-night to everyone. “See you tomorrow.”
Alexandra watched him turn to leave, again without speaking to her, filling her with hurt and then indignation. Was he just going to ignore her forever?
And while he ignored her, what did he expect her to do? They were camped in the middle of the African bush. The next safari lodge was a two-hour drive away. She had no one but him and the crew to talk to.
Although Alexandra dreaded being confrontational, she jumped up from her chair and went after Wolf.
“This isn’t working,” she said, following Wolf’s steps as he climbed the stairs to their elevated rondavel.
“No,” he agreed, pivoting on the deck, “it’s not.”
“So what happens now?” she asked. “Do I go home? Do we get a divorce—”
“A divorce?” he interrupted incredulously, his profile bathed in moonlight. “I’m Irish-Spanish.”
“So?”
“I don’t believe in divorce and I won’t accept that as a satisfactory solution.”
Silence stretched and Alexandra wasn’t sure where to look, what to do. She could hear a splash in the river and wondered if it was a hippo or a crocodile, wondered if the old male hippo that Tom had nicknamed Alfred would come foraging through camp tonight as he had last night.
Sighing, she pushed back a thick handful of hair from her face. “You know, you’re not the kind of man I ever planned to settle down with.”
“No?”
She shook her head slowly. “No.”
“Why not?”
“I guess I wanted someone like my dad. He loved my mom so much.” Alexandra’s voice suddenly thickened with emotion. “She was diagnosed with cancer when I was four, and my dad fought for her with everything he had. He was not going to lose her.” Blinking, she prayed he wouldn’t see her tears. “And that’s what I wanted when I grew up. A man who’d fight for me.”
“And that’s why you were still a virgin at twenty-three? You were holding out for a hero?”
She hated his mocking tone, hated that he’d laugh at her when she was sharing something so deeply personal, so incredibly painful. Anger rushed through her and she clamped her jaw tight.
The river and surrounding reserve were alive with wildlife tonight. In the distance a lion growled, and much closer monkeys shrieked in the cluster of palm and waterberry trees lining the river.
“Not a hero,” she said finally, breaking the silence, “but a man who has grown up. A man who knows what’s important. A man who’d honor his commitment to me.”
Wolf didn’t answer and Alexandra turned to look at him. He was leaning on the deck rail, watching her, his face partially shadowed.
His silence unnerved her. His silence made her feel small and ridiculous and insignificant all over again. Steeling herself, Alex forced a cool, careless smile. “You think I’m childish and immature. Overly sensitive and too emotional, right?”
Again he didn’t answer. Not immediately. Then he shook his head. “No,” he said quietly. “I don’t.”
Her heart thumped painfully hard, and she waited, hoping he’d say more, hoping he’d explain himself, his actions and silences, his irritation and distance, but he didn’t.
If only she understood him better. If only she knew what motivated him and what was important to him and why.
“It’s late,” he said, pushing off the rail. “I’m tired, going to bed—”
“Wolf?”
“Yes?”
She searched his face, trying to see something that would help her, trying to learn what she needed to learn. “What kind of woman would you marry?”
He groaned. “Oh, Alexandra.”
Shame burned her cheeks, and before she could defend herself he shook his head and added, “The woman I did.”
For a moment she didn’t understand and she stared at him, confused as well as shy.
“Alexandra, you’re the woman I wanted to marry.” He reached for her, pulled her to him. “So I did.”
He made love to her with an almost ferocious passion, his hunger driven as much by emotion as it was by physical desire. Pinning her arms down above her head, his hands gripped around her wrists, he took her, claiming her, surging into her with fierce, deep thrusts. Alexandra welcomed the intensity, needing the intensity, needing an outlet for her own tangled feelings. But just before she came, he released her wrists and his hands slid over hers, palm to palm, fingers linking.
And, hands locked tightly, head dipped, mouth covering hers, he pushed her to the pinnacle of pleasure and didn’t stop, even when she started climaxing. Kissing her, he sucked on her tongue while she exploded around him, her body rippling with pleasure as she held him deep and tight inside her.
The sex was unbelievable, she thought sleepily, curled in his arms afterward, but great sex wasn’t going to be enough. She needed his heart.
She needed all of it.
Alexandra woke alone, and as she rolled over inside the mosquito-net tent, she winced at the bright sunlight flooding the rondavel. Wolf or one of the housekeepers had opened the wood shutters.
Alexandra hadn’t been wearing a watch since it had seemed rather pointless here in the bush, so after taking a fast shower—very fast, as all the hot water was already gone—she dressed in cargo pants and a blue-gray T-shirt and went in search of coffee.
The cast and crew were all busy packing up the Land Rovers and checking the big four-by-four truck that held the cameras. Several Zambian bush guides were on hand this morning to get them to the location they wanted to film as well as to keep an eye out for potential dangers.
Like elephants, Alexandra silently noted. Black rhinos. Lions. Leopards. Cheetahs. Warthogs. And those were just a few, she concluded, taking a sip of the strong, hot coffee she’d sweetened with a smidge of the tinned sweetened condensed milk they used here and another liberal teaspoon of sugar.
And while she savored her coffee, she began to hear bits and pieces of a conversation taking place around the lodge’s corner.
“I thought I was going.”
It was Joy, Alexandra realized, and she was far from happy.
“I will take you sometime, but you’re needed here.”
“But, Wolf, you can’t go alone. Why don’t you wait until I can go with you?”
Stiffening, Alexandra held the hot cup to her lips but didn’t drink.
“I’m not going alone,” he answered. “Alexandra’s going with me.”
“But she can’t fly and I
can! I’ve always been your copilot. Wait a few days and I’ll have a break from shooting and we can go together.”
Joy paused and Alexandra had to strain to hear Joy’s next words. “Besides, Wolf, you don’t even know if she’ll go. She might be terrified of small planes, and face it, that little Piper Tri-Pacer isn’t the prettiest of aircraft.”
“It flies,” Wolf said.
“On a wing and a prayer,” Joy retorted with a laugh.
Wolf said something in reply that Alexandra didn’t catch as Wolf and Joy had begun walking again, heading away from the lodge to the Land Rovers and trucks.
Alexandra was still trying to sort out the meaning of the conversation she’d overheard when Wolf appeared, alone.
“Good morning,” he said, bending over to drop a kiss on her lips. And even though his lips just brushed hers, her insides jumped as though she’d been given an electric shock.
“Morning,” she answered huskily, making herself take a sip from her cup. “How are you?”
“Good.” He dropped into a chair next to hers and propped one boot on top of the other. “I slept great.” He looked at her, grinned lazily, teeth flashing. “And you?”