“You didn’t break.” She squeezed his hand. “You can’t think that. You survived.”
“Oh, baby, you don’t know… I broke horribly. I begged them to stop. I told them they could have everything I owned. Honestly, I would have given it to them, but they weren’t after my wealth. As the beating went on, I actually hoped I would die. I might have if Freddy hadn’t shown up.” He sucked in a regretful breath. “You asked me why I chose to end things with you the way I did, why I didn’t choose something kinder or more logical. The reason is, after they’d shown me what a fucking coward I was, I hated myself. You deserved a better man, and I decided your life would improve without me.”
His harsh self-assessment was like a knife through her heart. “You weren’t a coward, Mad. You fought on. You didn’t even stop investigating.”
“It took me days to start poking around again,” Mad admitted. “I assure you that first week I had no intention of doing anything but healing and getting on with my sad life without you by my side. I realized I didn’t deserve your love, so I reverted to all my old ways because they were safe. But then I got angry. That’s what pushed me through at first. Slowly, Freddy brought me into his group, and all I wanted was to fuck over Krylov. The deeper I got into the conspiracy, the more I realized this could affect us all. And then…I found a motivation far stronger than anger.”
“Love.” She now knew that Mad hadn’t succumbed to some thirst for adventure or juvenile overreaction. He’d been shown he could be reduced to something so small and he’d tried to protect her the only way he thought possible—by distancing, by letting her go.
He nodded. “I had to do everything I could to protect my family. I would have done it even if it meant losing you all forever. I would do it again if it saves you and our baby. I would walk away and never look back if it meant you’d be alive at the end. I would rather you be happy with someone else than dead with me. That’s what I realized. I love you enough to put you first.”
Sara understood him now. She truly did, but he needed to know that he couldn’t make those same choices again. “Do you love me enough to let me take the risk with you? I can’t do this—you and me—if you’ll leave again. I need you to put our family first. That means staying together. I promise I’ll be careful, but none of this can work if we’re not together.”
Something like hope lit his eyes. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I love you and I’m tired of not being with you.” The confession felt good, like a weight being lifted off her shoulders. “I’ve loved you since I was a kid. I’m never going to get you out of my heart, and I don’t want to anymore. Do you know what I’d decided to name our daughter?”
“Not Hortense.”
He always made her laugh.
“No, definitely not Hortense. Even when I was angry with you, when I thought you were dead, I knew I wanted you to be a part of her life.” Sara squeezed his hand. “I’m naming her Madeline.”
“Madeline.” His lips curled up in a grateful, reverent smile as he placed a big hand on her belly. “It’s perfect. I love you, Madeline.”
She lay her hand over his, tangling their fingers together. “Will you take me to bed? I haven’t slept well since the day you left me.”
“I’ll never leave you again.” He turned and cupped her face. “I promise. No matter what happens now, I will put you first, even above my friends. You and Maddie are my whole world now, and there is nothing I want more than to take you to bed.”
Then he stood and helped her to her feet. Seconds later, she found herself scooped up in his arms.
There was no place she would rather be.
* * * *
Mad carried Sara into the small bedroom with ease. Even pregnant, she seemed so delicate and light to him.
Being with her again, having this second chance, seemed like more than he deserved, but he was going to grab onto her with both hands and hold her close for as long as she let him.
“Be sure, baby,” he whispered as he lowered her to the bed. “Because I don’t know what I’ll do if you change your mind.”
It was a lie. He knew what he would do. He would call her every hour, sleep on her doorstep, say whatever he had to until she gave him another chance. He would show her that he could be a relentless bastard when it came to winning her back.
“I won’t change my mind. Sometimes I feel like I was born loving you.”
“I know I was born to love you.” His life felt as if it had really begun the moment she’d opened her heart to him. He’d had every material comfort a human being could have, but Sara and their child were the most precious gifts he’d ever been given.
Gently, Mad laid her on the bed, his body electric with arousal. For months, he’d felt dead inside, but now his blood thrummed and his skin seemed to awaken—all because she was finally here with him, not merely in body but in spirit. In heart.
This was what it felt like to come home.
As he yanked the T-shirt over his head, wanting nothing between them, she sat on the edge of the bed and watched. Those big eyes of hers always got to him. No matter how many times they made love, he was always so stunned that she could look at him with trust and adoration shining there.
“Do you have any idea how beautiful you are to me?” He stroked her hair, letting his fingers tangle in all that silk. He’d missed her so much, more than he’d missed anything in his life. When they’d been apart, he’d felt as if he was missing the most important pieces of himself.
Her hands shook as she reached for him and skimmed her palms along his ribs. It took everything he had not to purr like a freaking cat. He’d forgotten exactly how good it felt when she touched him.
Her gaze skated over him appreciatively. “Wow. You were always gorgeous, but now you look even better.”
“Hanging out with Freddy, there wasn’t a lot to do besides investigating Russians and working out. He doesn’t even have a TV. I learned my lesson. From now on, only living on the grid for me.” He grinned. “But the workout regimen I’ll keep up because I like it. And because I always want to look good for my woman.”
Her whole body tensed with obvious anxiety. “Mad, I don’t look the same as you remember. I’ve been sitting and staring at the beach, eating every one of my emotions for months. And the baby has changed my shape, too. I’m so different. You might not—”
“Don’t finish that sentence, Sara Bond. I don’t want to be mad at you right now. I don’t have to see your body to know how beautiful you are. That’s my baby growing inside you. I wish I’d been there for every little development. Let me touch you, kiss you, love you. I’ll show you exactly how I feel about your body.”
He helped her to her feet, then eased the robe she wore off her shoulders and tugged her gown over her head. How could she think for a single second he wouldn’t want her? All the time they’d spent apart he’d thought of nothing but her. Of finding his way back to her.
She stood in front of him, silently awaiting his judgment.
“Oh, you have changed, baby. You’re even more stunning now.” He cupped her shoulders and caressed his way down her arms, staring at her breasts and the sweet bump that proved his baby was growing inside her. “If you have any questions about how much I want you, all you have to do is look down.”
She did. When she met his gaze again, he saw soft mischief in her eyes. “You seem happy to see me, Maddox Crawford.”
“Never in all my life have I been any happier to see someone.” He leaned over and brushed his lips against her forehead. “I missed you, Sara. I missed you so, so much.”
Tears gathered in her eyes. “You can’t leave me like that anymore. I thought I’d never see you again. I thought you were lost to me.”
The pain in her expression shot through him. How would he have felt if he’d thought she was dead? His heart almost stopped at the thought.
“Please, baby, forgive me. I guess…I thought you wouldn’t care anymore since I’d torn you apa
rt.”
“Not care that you had died? How could you think that?”
He’d fooled himself into believing he would be the only one hurt. “Because I didn’t care about me. I hated myself and I couldn’t imagine you’d have even a spark of love left inside you. I prayed that someday I could come back and make everything up to you. I hoped you would eventually understand. But I never thought you would really mourn me.”