PROLOGUE
Yale University
Thirteen years before
Roman Calder rolled off the bed, not bothering to don the robe he’d slung over the desk. It lay in a heap, along with the rest of the clothes that had gone flying last night when Augustine Spencer had walked into his house.
“Have I told you that you have the most spectacular butt I’ve ever seen?” Gus lay on her side, the sheet only covering her below the waist. She cradled her head in one hand, the skeins of her caramel hair draping down to the mattress as she slid him the grin that never failed to tempt him. Sometimes Roman was sure Eve had used the same smile to tempt Adam when she’d offered him the apple and encouraged him to take a juicy bite.
That’s exactly who Augustine Spencer was to him, Eve seducing him away from paradise with a desire he found almost impossible to resist.
It probably sounded crazy to most that his version of paradise was the grind of the political world. He would begin his first campaign in a few weeks, running Zack Hayes’s bid to become a senator. They were young and taking a gamble by going big, but Zack’s father—a political animal himself—had identified a district hungry for new leadership. If Roman did everything he should, this would be their first step on the road to the White House—straight to the money, power, fame, and control he’d always craved.
So why was it that all he wanted right now was to climb back in bed with Gus and shut out the world?
Unable to resist, he sat beside her and smiled her way, caressing the silky cascade of her hair. He loved when she looked sated and mussed. She was usually meticulous, hair in a chic bun or twist, but when he tugged on it and the curls came tumbling down, it was like a massive cloud around her. That hair went everywhere, touching him, brushing his skin. Arousing the hell out of him.
“Well, you know I work hard. A lawyer is only as good as his glute routine.” He winked as he settled his palm on her lush hip. “But I need more cardio if I’m going to keep up with you.” He winced. “I’ll need it even more if your brother ever finds out about us. Why did Dax have to turn into such a badass?”
Daxton Spencer was one of his best friends. In fact, there were six in his group. They’d all met at Creighton Academy and remained close, despite anything and everything prep school—and life—had thrown at them. They’d finished Yale together. Recently, he and Zack had completed law school. Now they were at a crossroads. Gabriel Bond and Maddox Crawford were already in New York working at their family businesses, well on the way to taking over their respective multibillion-dollar birthrights. Dax had followed in his father’s footsteps and joined the Navy after Yale, quickly rising through the ranks. Connor Sparks was at Langley, a valuable recruit of the CIA. He claimed he was an analyst. Roman deeply suspected otherwise.
It had been nearly a year since he’d fallen into bed with Augustine. She’d been in her last year of law school then. He’d known her since adolescence, of course. But she’d come over one night to help him prep for an exam…and wound up in his bed.
He’d hardly let her out of it since—not that he had to try hard to keep her there. Gus loved sex as much as he did.
They’d quickly fallen into a routine, but they shared nothing close to what he’d call normalcy. If Roman could count on anything in his relationship with Gus it was that if they weren’t fighting, they were fucking. They fought about politics, heated arguments that would inevitably lead him to throw her over a sofa and thrust hard into her from behind. They argued about social issues. A disagreement about a Supreme Court decision had once led to them breaking the breakfast table. He hadn’t even cared. They’d hit the ground with a bounce and he hadn’t broken rhythm at all. He’d had to concoct a good excuse the next morning, and he still wasn’t sure Zack had bought it.
“What do you mean? Dax is a sweetie,” Gus said, rolling onto her back, a move that left her generous breasts totally available to him. “Besides, he’s going to find out sometime.”
God, he loved those breasts. They were full and soft, with pretty pink nipples. And so responsive. Sometimes he could make her come simply by sucking on them. He palmed one, his brain only half on the conversation. “I do
n’t see why. He’s barely home now. When he comes back, we’ll cool things off for a bit so he doesn’t know anything.”
She sat up abruptly. “That won’t work forever, Roman.”
The sudden flare in her eyes told Roman that he was on dangerous ground, that he’d stepped into something better left untouched.
He sighed and reached for her hand. “Let’s not worry about that now, Gus. I don’t have long before the bubble of school is over, when we’ll have to move on. Can’t we spend our time happy?”
He wanted peace with her. He wasn’t sure why but she sometimes seemed to delight in pushing his every button, keeping him off-kilter. Yet he was drawn to her time and time again.
Maybe the distance would do them both good. He might get his head screwed on straight again.
So why did he ache at the thought of being apart from Gus?
“Move on?” She scooted away. Her eyes had gone blank, her voice small.
Gus was never, ever small.
“You know what I mean,” he said, trying to wave his words off. “Your clerkship is almost done. You’ve got that job with the firm in New Orleans. I’ll be on the road with Zack soon. We won’t see each other often.”
“Well, I’ve been thinking about that.” She sat up, reaching for the robe he’d eschewed. She wrapped it around her body. There was no way to miss how tense she’d become. “I got another offer, this one at a firm in DC. Close to the Hill, lots of political work.”
She was thinking about moving to DC? “The NOLA firm has some political work, too. Wait, are you talking about the job with Kleinman and Horne? That doesn’t pay anything like the NOLA job, and you would be going in as a junior associate.”
“Only for a year,” she replied.
“Yes, and after that year they cut ninety percent of the class.” He shook his head. What the hell was she thinking? The NOLA firm was old and respected, and she could grow her career quickly there. The DC firm was a recognized bloodbath. Yes, the two or three lawyers who made it tended to become sharks of the highest order, but they had to fight, teeth constantly bared.
She waved her manicured hand. “I’m not worried about that. I can handle the competition. Hell, I’ll probably enjoy it. But if I stay in DC, we don’t have to split up.”
He strode to the dresser and grabbed a pair of sweats from a drawer, silently gaping. Were they really discussing the future of a relationship he’d never considered serious enough to warrant this conversation? Gus blew in and out of his life like a hurricane, and while he craved her constantly, he was smart enough to know all the reasons they wouldn’t work.
He’d assumed she was, too.
Hell, he and Gus were oil and water. God, they were like his parents. Always fucking or fighting—with almost nothing in between.
Roman’s childhood came rushing back. He’d often been grateful to return to Creighton where he didn’t have to listen to the two of them scream at each other one minute, then behave as if they were the stars of the greatest love story ever the next.
How they’d stayed married all these years, he had no idea. But he refused to let that kind of bullshit drama overtake his life. Despite how crazy he was about Gus, he couldn’t live constantly on the edge, always anxious about the next fight. Forever waiting for the other shoe to drop.
“I think you should take the NOLA job, Gus.”
“Really?” Her gorgeous face went still with shock. She was quiet as she looked away. When she faced him again, her eyes sheened with tears. “You don’t want to see me after you graduate, do you? You never intended to have any sort of a future with me.”
Holy shit. Roman had never seen her cry. Not once. The sight threatened to tear out his heart. He moved into her space, reaching for her hand again. “I want what’s best for you. I want you to have a happy life, and the next two years of mine are going to be a lot like hell, on the road, in one crappy motel after another. I’ll be focused on Zack. I have to be.”
“I understand that. Roman, I’m not some lovestruck teenager. I know how hard it’s going to be and I could handle it.” She squeezed his hand. “I’m tough. What I can’t handle anymore is being the secret you shove in the closet. I hate that. We’re good together. We challenge each other. We understand each other. I think we should give us a real shot.”
He let go and took a step back. “I don’t know where this is coming from, Augustine. You’ve never talked like this before.”
“Because we haven’t needed to,” she replied. “I know we started this whole thing on a lark, but don’t you know I love you, Roman? I’ve been in love with you for a while. We’re not kids anymore. Isn’t it time to start thinking about the future?”
Every word felt like a punch to his gut. She loved him? He couldn’t allow that. He’d worked too hard to give everything up for a woman, even one as amazing as Gus. When he married, his bride would be someone demure, someone who didn’t yank his chain or push him, someone who would enjoy taking care of their house and would fully support his career. He would like his wife. He would never love her.
Unfortunately, he loved Gus. She was an aching pit in his soul, and if he stepped off the edge with her, there would be no climbing back up. His life would be a tumultuous hell, exactly like his parents’. Sure, he and Gus would be all right for the brief moments they sat at the top of the rollercoaster. But what went up always came down. Roman couldn’t live with the lows. The fights. The desolation. It would be even worse between him and Gus. She was passionate—and stubborn—about everything. And they both knew exactly where to stick the knives in.
“Come on, Roman. Tell me you don’t think about you and me together, and maybe a family someday? We would rule DC. I’ve already got some thoughts on Zack’s campaign, actually.” She was giving him that grin that threatened to melt his resolve.
He was teetering. He could practically feel the cliff crumbling beneath his feet. One step, and he would be falling over the precipice…and into the abyss.
“No,” he managed.
“Ever?” She shook her head like she didn’t understand.
“I don’t think about us in any way except naked. We’ve had fun, but I never intended for it to last. We’ve always had an expiration date, Gus, and I guess we’ve found ours. You’re right about one thing, though. We’re not kids anymore. I have to get serious.”
“But not serious about me.” It wasn’t a question. She made the statement as though she needed to hear the words aloud.
Perhaps she did. Maybe a clean break would be best. Somewhere in the back of his head he’d imagined he could pop down to NOLA from time to time and see her, sleep with her, fill up that part of himself no one else could. Like she was a freaking gas station or something. How cruel was that of him? She deserved more. She deserved a good life with a man who would put her first, even if that thought killed him.
But no man could love her more. No one would ever love Augustine Spencer as completely as he did. Fucking no one. Too bad he was broken and couldn’t give her his whole heart, the way she deserved.
Maybe it was better if she hated him.
“No, Augustine. I’m not serious about you. I never was. In fact, I have a date tomorrow night. Zack is meeting someone new, and I’m going with him.”
“You mean Zack is auditioning political wives and you’re going along to approve,” Gus scoffed, no small amount of bite to her tone. “Don’t look surprised. I’ve known for a while that Zack’s father is sending ‘proper’ women his way. His date tomorrow night is a friend of mine, Joy. She’s lovely, but she’s no match for Zack. She’s far too quiet. He needs some fire in his life. I love Joy, but Zack will squash her under his controlling thumb.”
“I’m taking a date, too.”
“Like…a double date with Zack and Joy? You’ve gone along on his dates in the past as the third wheel. Why wouldn’t you… Oh.” Something heartbroken crossed her face as she pressed her lips together in a grim line.
Yes, Gus was catching
on. This was something he’d never intended to tell her, and watching her now hurt.
“You’re auditioning, too.” Her murmur sounded hoarse, strained.
He nodded. “Eventually, I’ll need a wife.”
“And that won’t be me. So what you’re telling me is that you do think about having a family, but you don’t want one with me.”
“Not exactly. I’m out on the family thing. I don’t want kids. Ever.” He wouldn’t put his own offspring through the hell he’d endured. Even if he managed to find a woman he could live and build a proper partnership with, he refused to risk becoming a father and potentially fucking up some innocent kid’s psyche.
“So I’ve been a convenience.” She tossed off the robe, turned her back to him, and grabbed her clothes.
He leaned against the dresser. “I didn’t say that. I thought we were just having fun since we never see each other outside of the bedroom.”
“Really? So all those times I met you for a drink or drove over and we talked for hours, those don’t count because they tended to end or begin with sex? When I helped you study for the bar, that didn’t matter, either?”
“I didn’t say we weren’t friends.” Actually, it hurt to think about how much she’d become a fixture in his life since his buddies had finished their undergraduate degrees and started their careers. He’d probably spent as much time with Gus as he had Zack. “I don’t want us to not be friends.”
That would be even worse.
She hooked her bra and shimmied her khakis over the silky underwear he’d damn near torn off in his haste to get inside her earlier. “I’m supposed to stand back and watch you find this dream wife of yours? And when the sex gets boring, maybe, just maybe you’ll come and see the slut?”
Right on cue, the never-back-down goddess who knew exactly which buttons to push appeared, just in time for a rousing fight.
“I never called you that.”