“Noooo,” Chance whines. Can’t blame him, I’m sure it’s boring as hell for him there.
I so badly want to offer to take him for the day, but I’m not sure she or Chance will be comfortable with that yet. After Chance finishes and runs back to play with his cars, I reach over and tap Lilly’s hand.
“Come up to the clubhouse with me,” I offer, carefully watching her face for her reaction.
Her eyebrows raise. “I don’t think that’s a suitable environment for Chance.”
Suitable environ— “Why not? It’s a Sunday. Alexa’s there. Grace is there. They seem to do okay.”
“What about your brothers? The parties?”
“Things are calmer up there these days.” Especially on Sundays which is reserved for family.
“And your brothers are okay with turning their den of deviance into what, a daycare?”
“Would you stop judging for one second and actually think about it?” I blow out a breath. How do I get through to her? “You’ve known Hope for a long time. Would she bring her baby somewhere unsafe?”
“But they don’t live at the clubhouse anymore, do they?”
“No, but they’re over all the time. She’s there almost every morning to do yoga with Trinity and Swan.” I can’t help laughing. “They turned our damn champagne room into their yoga hut.”
She slowly shakes her head and I brace myself for another protest. “Hope was one of my best friends. She’s furious with me.”
Not what I expected, so at least we’re making progress. “So am I, but I still want you to come up with me.” Her eyes widen at my blunt words. Why sugarcoat anything?
“Lilly, one way or another, eventually I’m going to be spending time with my son. Without you. I don’t want to make this messy, but I’ve lost enough time with him. I get you want to make sure he’s safe and that’s why I want you to come with me. So, you’re comfortable when he’s visiting me on his own. Which will be happening.”
There. Laid it all out. If she thinks she’s going to use bullshit excuses like the club to keep my son from me any longer, she’s dead wrong. Just because I’d never hurt her doesn’t mean I’m going to let her deny me time with Chance.
My phone vibrates against the table, spinning in Lilly’s direction like it’s trying to rat me out.
Stella
For fuck’s sake. Does the woman have radar? Did she call me this much when I actually wanted to hear from her? I groan as once again Lilly eyes the phone before nudging it in my direction.
“Yeah?” I answer.
“Z, where are you?”
“Uh, out. Where are you?”
Lilly stands and grabs the dishes, quietly carrying everything into the kitchen. Not mad, more like she’s trying to give me privacy, which is awkward and all sorts of wrong. I think I’d rather be doing dishes right now than on the phone with Stella.
“At Crystal Ball. I thought we were meeting here. But Malik says you haven’t been here in a couple days. What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just taking care of some stuff.”
Chance grins up at me as I walk past him on my way to the back deck. Anything to keep these two parts of my life completely separate.
“Give me about an hour and half, okay?”
I slide the door closed behind me.
“Seriously? Z, I could’ve stayed home and not wasted my time sitting around waiting—”
“Yeah, I get that. It wasn’t intentional. I’ll see you in a bit.”
Fuck my life.
I scrub my hands over my face and stare out at the lake for a few minutes before going back inside. Lilly’s busy giving Chance a bath—under protest this time—and I use the time to clean up and change.
When I return, Lilly’s in the living room bent over, trying to help Chance into his sneakers. I groan and my fingers twitch at my sides, remembering how good it felt to have that ass in my hands again last night.
“Chance, you have to sit still,” she scolds. Shit, she’s even hot when she busts out the stern mom voice. Fuck.
“Do you want me to help?” I ask.
She jumps.
“No!” Chance yells. He chucks the sneaker and runs off into his room.
What the fuck?
She straightens up and shrugs. The ends of her hair are dripping wet, I assume from wrestling a reluctant two-year-old in and out of the tub. “I’ve managed to avoid the so-called terrible twos for a while now. I guess it was inevitable.”
Shit, now I really don’t want to leave. I can’t believe she’s so calm and patient. She’s been doing this on her own for so long—her own fucking fault!—all I want to do is help her out so she’s not alone.
Instead, I need to leave.
I should call Stella back and tell her I can’t make it.
But something just became really clear for me. I need to break things off with Stella. In person.
Once that’s done, Lilly’s mine. For good. Whether she likes it or not.
Sixteen
Lilly
Hot shame pours over me. I don’t want him to think I’m an awful mother or that Chance is a bad kid. He’s not.
I blow out a breath, hoping that’s not utter disgust and judgment in Z’s eyes. Chance is a toddler. Sometimes he has meltdowns. It’s not the end of the world.
Now I just need to repeat that to myself a couple hundred more times.
“I, uh, should’ve told him what’s going on. All these changes have screwed up our schedule. It’s confusing for him.” Honestly, now that I think about it, it’s a damn miracle this is the first tantrum he’s had.
“What do you need?” he asks.
Jolted, I take a step back. “A few minutes. Then I’ll talk to him.”
Z glances at the door and shifts his feet.
“I know you have somewhere to be. It’s fine.”
“I don’t want to leave if you need help, but I have to do a thing.”
No, I’m not going to ask what “thing” he has to do. It’s obvious it has to do with a girl and it’s none of my business. I’m also going to ignore the pain gathering in my heart.
He runs his hands through his hair and shifts again. “I never asked. Which hospital is your dad at?”
“Empire Med.”
“Shit, you’re making that drive down there every day?”
I shrug. According to Alex, it was the best hospital around for Dad to have the procedure.
“He should be home by the end of the week.”
“Look, I have to take care of some stuff at Crystal Ball. It shouldn’t take me long.” He hesitates and frowns. “There’s a place, Fidgets, I think, near—”
“I know where it is.”
“Let’s meet up for dinner there and I can follow you home. I hate thinking of you driving that far at night by yourself.”
“I’ve done it plenty of times, Z.”
/>
He shakes his head. “Humor me.”
“Okay.”
“Or we can meet there and go up to the clubhouse. Thursday and Sunday nights are family dinner time.” He lifts his chin toward Chance’s bedroom. “Alexa would probably be thrilled to have another kid to hang with.”
“What did you tell your…the guys…your brothers about Chance?”
“Not a whole lot.” He cocks his head and watches me for a few minutes. “No one’s gonna give you any shit, if that’s what you’re worried about. Well, Wrath might, but he’d do that whether you hid my kid from me or not.”
The smile teasing at the corners of his mouth takes the sting out of his words. “Why don’t we meet at Fidgets and go from there?” he finally suggests.
“Okay.”
He glances at the door again. “I really do need to go. You sure you’re all right?”
“We’ll be fine.”
We say an awkward goodbye and I go to find Chance. He’s playing in his room, cheeks red and tear-streaked.
“What’s going on?” I ask, kneeling down next to him.
“Nothin’.”
“Tired?”
“No.”
“I know it wasn’t a lot of fun yesterday, but we need to visit Grandpa again.”
He tips his head back and glares at me.
“I know. I didn’t enjoy it either.” Why should I lie to my son? It’s obvious as hell I wasn’t happy. “Sometimes grown-ups have to do stuff we don’t want to do.”
“Why?”
“Well, he’s my dad and he’s sick. So, we need to visit and cheer him up.”
What a load of shit, Lilly. What happened to honesty?
“If you’re a good boy, when we’re done, we’ll meet Z at this place that has all sort of games you can play.”
Now I have his attention.
His eyebrows perk up. “Really?”
“If you’re good, yes.”
“Otay.”
“Sneakers?”
He shakes his head.
“Chance.”
He leans over and squeezes his big toe. “Hurt.”
Why hadn’t I thought of that before? Instead of worrying about Z, I should’ve noticed my son’s shoes were too small.