The guys have only briefly mentioned the way they took over the club from the former president, providing few details. But I’ve never assumed the old president happily handed over the gavel and headed off to Florida for a sunny retirement.
And even though Rock didn’t say it in so many words, I’m pretty sure when Trinity went off with the guys to help them track the man who burned down Wrath’s gym and killed Twitch last spring, they didn’t exactly turn the culprit over to the police when they found him.
In fact, Rock’s outright admitted he’s murdered to keep the club safe in the past. To keep me safe from his enemies. I can only imagine what he’s had to ask of Teller over the years. As a club brother, it’s one thing. As a father asking his son? Yes, Rock might see that differently.
You’d think I’d be horrified, but I’m not. I trust Rock and I’ve never thought he makes careless decisions. Practicing law opened my eyes and changed the way I viewed the world, long before I met Rock.
Yes, it’s wrong to take a life. But not if it’s in defense of yourself or your family. Not everyone plays by society’s rules. And some people are simply too dangerous to walk freely.
Should Rock be the one to make that call?
If someone’s a threat to his family, yes.
That he suffers any guilt over those decisions tells me he’s not some sociopath randomly hurting people for personal gain. He may live by a slightly skewed moral code, but he still has one.
As his wife, knowing and accepting these things, I guess my moral code is slightly skewed as well. I let out a humorless laugh at the thought.
Wrath nods slowly as if he’d been following along with my internal struggle. “You understand what I’m saying.”
It’s not a question.
“This is shit timing. You need to be strong for him more than ever.”
“Being pregnant doesn’t make me weak.”
He cocks his head. “Come on, Cinderella. I can be a dick, but I’m not that big of an asshole.”
“Eh.” I wobble my hand from side to side.
He smirks. “It’s probably good timing for him. He’s so damn focused on making sure you’re okay, maybe he won’t have time to drive himself crazy.” His keen eyes focus on me again. “It’s shit timing for you though. You don’t need any more stress.”
“I’ll be fine.”
He sits back and runs his gaze over me again, but not in the salacious way designed to make me uncomfortable like he’s done in the past. This is more out of concern. “Are you okay?”
“I’m tired—”
“That’s not what I meant. How are you handling the news?”
“Me? I don’t think it really matters what I think.”
“Of course it does. Here you’re having his first kid… and you’re getting another surprise from his past thrown in your face.”
I consider his words before answering. Think hard about how I really feel. The pain in my heart is purely for Rock and Teller. Not myself. I have no doubts about Rock’s ability to love our daughter with everything he has.
More than anything I wish he’d been able to give that affection to Teller when he was growing up. That’s what bothers me.
“I’m here for him.”
“I know you are. But if you need help, don’t be afraid to ask me.”
I swallow hard. For all his scariness, deep down, way deep down, Wrath’s incredibly kind and generous. Sure, he and Rock love to fight, banter, and get on each other’s nerves, but beneath that, there’s profound affection and loyalty between them.
I want to say anything I can to reassure him.
“Don’t worry. This doesn’t change anything between us,” I finally answer.
“I didn’t think it would.”
We’re both wrong. It may not change how I feel about Rock, but this…discovery…this new relationship changes everything.
Chapter Twelve
Rock
You can ride as hard and fast as you want, but somehow your past always catches up to you.
That’s exactly how I feel as I stare at Teller—my son, Marcel—who looks so fuckin’ lost.
I stand and spread my arms wide. “Come here, Knucklehead.”
He half smiles at the nickname, and I motion him closer.
Years. I’ve known him for years. Called him a brother for over a decade.
When he’s close enough, I pull him in for a hug. He’s stiff and unyielding at first. Then he sort of collapses against me, and for the first time, I hold my son in my arms.
A son I never knew I had.
“What do we do?” he mumbles.
I steer him into his chair and take mine before answering. “What do you want to do?”
He takes a deep breath and tips his head back, scrubbing his hands over his face. “Fuck, I don’t know.” Finally he stops and looks at me. “Can we take the test again? I want to… I want to be sure before…”
I nod. Whatever he needs, I’ll do it. But fuck, looking at him now, I don’t need another test to see the truth. It’s been right in front of me for years.
How blind could I be?
Why didn’t I ever make more of an effort to meet his mother when he was a kid? Because I was busy trying to recruit Teller into the club for personal gain?
Maybe.
I try to focus hard on that time in my life, but all I remember are bits and pieces. Would I have committed each moment with her to memory if I’d known the impact they’d have on my life years later? How could I even understand at that age that the choices I made would ripple so far into my future?
Actions—even the most basic—have consequences.
“I’ll ask Hope if she can schedule it for us.”
“Christ, we’ve joked about you being Dad for years,” he says, staring at the door. By ‘we’ he means Murphy and himself. While Wrath and the other brothers have made that joke about me acting as more of a father than president at times, Teller and Murphy, being the youngest brothers for so long, always meant it in a slightly different way.
“Well, I knew who Murphy’s mother was, so I’m definitely not his father too.” It’s a poor joke with equally shitty timing, and Marcel shakes his head.
“You think Carla knew and that’s why she was always such a bitch to us?” he asks.
I’m not expecting him to bring up my ex-wife, so it takes a second to come up with a response. “I think she was just jealous of anyone else who had my attention.”
“Hope’s not like that,” he mutters. “Shit, this is the worst timing. You’re finally about to have your first kid and now this. Christ, this is so fucked-up.” Finally, he looks me in the eye. “Do you want me to leave? Take off for a while so I’m not in your face?”
The absurd question throws me. “What the fuck for?”
His shoulders jerk. “I don’t want to be in the way or fuck stuff up for you guys when this is supposed to be—”
“Stop right there. You’re not in the way. You’re my son.” The words come easier now. I can’t stop thinking of how much I have to make up to him. “The question you should be asking is are you ready to be a big brother again when you’re about to settle down and have your own family?” I try to keep my tone light, and he finally cracks a hint of a smile.
“Yeah, at least I won’t have to break into garages and steal shit
to feed the baby waitin’ at home for me.” He cocks his head. “You sure it’s a girl? I don’t know if I can handle another little hellraiser like Heidi.” At the mention of his sister’s name, his smile falters.
“I don’t want to explain this to Heidi right now.” He sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “I can’t tell you how many times she’s said she wished you were her dad when she was growing up. Things are going good for her, I don’t want to—”
Hearing that chokes me up. I was hard on Heidi when she was a kid sometimes. Thought she could be bratty and Teller spoiled her too much. Now that I know she was abused by her grandmother, I wish I’d done more to help Teller get custody of her when she was younger.
So many regrets.
My throat’s tight, but I rasp out, “I get it.”
“And I don’t want to say anything to Murphy either. There’s no point making his life awkward by keepin’ stuff from Heidi.”
Pride burns in my chest at how much the knucklehead who’s started a lot of trouble with his mouth over the years has grown up. “You gonna talk to Charlotte?” I ask because he needs to talk to someone besides me about it.
He nods without thinking. “She won’t say anything.”
“Good.” Charlotte’s a strong girl, exactly what he needs to help him sort through this mess.
“Are you okay, Rock? This must be really fucking weird for you.”
I huff out a laugh. “It’s such a long time ago.”
“But you remember what happened?”
“Some of it,” I answer slowly.
He slaps his hand on the table. “I’m sure I’ll have more questions for you. Right now, I want… I don’t know.”
“Whatever you need. I’m always here for you.”
He stops and fixes his troubled gaze on me. “You’re one of the few people who’s always been there for me, Rock. I don’t think I’ve ever really thanked you for that.”
“You don’t have to thank me for anything.” I stand and he does the same. “I’m proud to have you as my son. You need to know that. So whenever. If ever. You want to tell anyone. Go public. I’m leaving it up to you.”