I haven’t had time to evaluate what is really going on. One minute no one else in the world exists but Deacon and me, the next, Dani is busting in on us. Seconds later, we’re being ambushed by two angry Russians. My head is spinning, and I don’t know where to place my focus.
I could’ve been killed… again.
I don’t want any part of this life. I don’t feel a need for an adrenaline rush. I’d prefer my heart racing the way it did when I rode in front of Deacon on Sweet Pea, or the way excitement fills my blood on Christmas morning. The threat of death? Yeah, no, don’t sign me up for that ever again.
Deacon remained calm, and it didn’t go unnoticed that he kept closer to me than he did Dani, but in my head sometimes I can be reasonable. My brain is telling me that I was closest to him, the easiest to defend. My heart wants to believe that he was choosing me over my best friend.
My chin trembles in fear, the spike of epinephrine refusing to subside even when the danger has dissipated.
But has it really?
I thought it was gone days ago when Deacon brought me to the ranch. I didn’t feel an ounce of it when he had his arms around me, but now I’m understanding that his embrace was only false security.
Wanting to get stuck in my head isn’t an option any longer because Dani pulls the bathroom door open and pokes her head out to make sure everyone has left. She doesn’t even seem pleased to see me standing in the middle of the room.
There’s an ache deep inside at the realization that maybe no one wants me. Everyone seems to give up on me so easily. I straighten my spine. Feeling pain for rejection of my own making is ridiculous. I made a choice, and even though I didn’t even want to consider the consequences at the time, I knew they would be coming. I just thought I’d have a little more time to prepare. I thought I could deal with them individually rather than being slapped in the face with them all at once.
“Are you just going to stand there? Or are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?”
I frown at my friend, but typical Dani is quick to put the focus on what she walked in on rather than the danger she’s put everyone else in.
“It just happened,” I lie.
There’s nothing positive that will come from confessing the slow build to the intimacy I shared with Deacon. Not when it’s clearly over. I blame my loneliness, albeit it, mostly self-imposed, for being untruthful, but I don’t have Deacon, and Dani is the closest friend I’ve ever had. Toxic friendship or not, she’s the only person I have left. She knows my secrets, my fears, and losing her would be a pain I’m not willing to face so soon after losing a man I was thinking I could love for the rest of my life.
“Really?” She’s not acting like a woman who just had a gun pointed at her head. She seems inconvenienced at most.
“I promise,” I lie again. “Maybe it was relief with finding you safe or something.”
My cheeks heat because I’ve never been good at lying, but thankfully Dani doesn’t exactly pay much attention to those around her.
“I can’t be friends with someone dating my ex.” And there’s the ultimatum I knew was coming.
“We’re not dating.”
I don’t bring up the boyfriend she took right out from under me in eighth grade because let’s face it, dating a guy before high school and hooking up with a friend’s ex-husband are on two different playing fields. Deacon and I knew crossing that line was wrong, no matter how right it felt at the time. Plus, he didn’t defend what we were doing. Didn’t make a single overture to explain. Simply, I was revenge, a way to stick it to Dani one last time for her leaving him, and that cuts in a different fashion than just being used for a quick release between two willing partners.
My hands tremble as I cross the room, but Dani takes a step back. She’s not upset about what just happened, but she’s not willing to offer comfort to me either. She’s still mad, and that’s understandable.
“Deacon said the plane is leaving in the morning.”
“And?” Dani snaps as she crosses the living room to the bedroom of the suite.
Just like I have for years, I follow her.
“It means we have a free ride home if we want one.”
It goes without saying that she just lost her payday by handing over the diamonds, and she’s left without a financial lifeline, but maybe she’ll continue to be stubborn. She could possibly turn down the generous offer and stay on the beach until her funds run dry. Knowing Dani, she won’t be without money for long. She has a knack for seducing men until they’re practically begging her to take their money in exchange for a little attention. I’d always thought it was funny before because if men want to be stupid and not see through her act, then that was on them, but my eyes are open a little more these days.