We don’t talk much as she drives, both of us content to be in each other’s company without filling the void with mindless chatter, but the closer we get to the airport, the more my heart aches.
Zeke didn’t talk after he turned off the light last night, and even though I had lain awake on his chest for some time, I didn’t open my mouth to speak either. The entire time before my eyes grew too heavy to keep open, I was waiting for him to slip into his hateful alter ego. It never came, but I stayed on edge anticipating the arrival.
I was more surprised he didn’t wake me to insult me before leaving than I was that he just silently walked away. I shake my head, trying to clear it of those thoughts as Nan pulls forward to the drop-off area at the terminal.
I place a hand on her arm when she starts to open her door. “The security people won’t be happy if you get out and clog traffic.”
I scooch to the center of the seat and wrap my arms around her, inhaling the scent of her hair and the light crispness of her perfume.
“I love you, Nan.”
“Love you, too, sweetheart.” Her arms wrap all the way around me as if this is the very last time we’ll ever see each other. “Please come back to see me again soon.”
Tears once again burn the back of my throat as I release her and climb out of the truck. Without a backward glance, I grab my suitcase from the bed and go inside, having to find a restroom before I can even approach the counter to check my bag. I feel like I’m walking away from much more than a summer visit with my grandmother. I’m leaving behind my innocence and a boy I could see myself loving if he wasn’t so hellbent on destroying the people around him.
I give myself five minutes to cry in the bathroom stall before I wipe my eyes on the bottom of my t-shirt. After splashing water on my face and stiffening my spine, I head to the front counter and then through security. By the time I make it to my gate, my face is dry and I’m determined to leave all the pain and emotion I’ve had while in Utah right outside of the jetway. I will not carry any of it with me back to Colorado.
I just want to get home and wrap my best friend in a hug. She’s dating the guy who tormented us for years, and as angry as I want to be about it, it’s her heart on the line not mine. After talking with her several times, I honestly think they’re meant for each other, but I’ll reserve that final judgment until after seeing it for myself.
After the car accident, she had another episode that landed her back in the hospital, and even though she assures me she’s fine, I won’t believe it until I see it for myself. She hasn’t told me everything, and sadly, even with my weeks of boredom and every opportunity to speak with her, we really haven’t talked much this summer, so I’ve been keeping secrets of my own.
We’ve made plans to make up for that right away—a girl’s day spent getting manicures, pedicures, and school clothes shopping. Normally, this would be the highlight of my summer, but I can barely manage a smile when thinking about it.
Even with all the bravado and positive affirmations just moments ago in the restroom, by the time I’m settling into my seat, my mood has soured right back to where it was when I woke this morning. Thankfully, I’ve scored a window seat, so I can look outside and not have to pay attention to anything else, but my seatmate doesn’t seem to catch on to my need to be left alone.
“Don’t you just hate early morning flights?” he complains as he digs between us for the lost half of his seat belt.
I merely nod and keep watching the workers rush around below the plane.
“I was hoping the flight wouldn’t be booked. I forgot to get online last night. That’s why I ended up with the middle seat.”
I don’t know if he’s hinting that he wants to change seats with me or what, but after a couple more minutes of him jabbering, he takes the hint and bothers the lady on the aisle seat. Unfortunately, she’s actually engaging with him, and their conversation is just as annoying.
After the inflight instructions and takeoff, I pop my headphones in and turn my music up loud to drown the entire world out. When my eyes flutter closed and my mind drifts back to the weight of Zeke’s body on mine last night, I don’t even try to stop it. Those thoughts carry me into peaceful dreams filled with soft touches, promises of a future, and assurance that he feels the same about me that I feel about him.