One day we were fine, and then the next she hates me, looking at me with pity the same way Piper does when she doesn’t know I can see her.
Only paying me half attention, Peyton looks back down at her phone before meeting my eyes. She re-situates her body until she’s facing me, and I’m grateful she may be giving this conversation a chance rather than telling me to fuck off and get out of her room. After pressing a few buttons on her phone, she looks at me again.
“I don’t like the way you treated Piper.”
Well, that’s a given. I hate the way I treated her, too.
“I haven’t mistreated Piper.”
“Not since the accident, but before the wreck.”
I roll my eyes. Will it always come back to that?
“You sound just like her.” I drop to the floor in front of the window, crossing my legs. There isn’t so much as a draft from the air conditioner in Piper’s room. Her curtains are unmoving, just another barrier between the two of us. “I wish you both would forgive me.”
“This is hard for her,” Peyton says. “You can’t expect her to forget what’s happened overnight.”
“Hard for her?” I huff. “What about me?”
“Really? You’re going to make this about you?”
“It’s impossible knowing that I love her, knowing that she’s meant for me, and I ruined everything in a past I can’t even remember.” I drop my head, focusing on my hands because I can’t look at my sister, risking the sight of her judgmental eyes on me. I didn’t plan this method of attack, but honesty seems like the best thing, so I go for it. “The reprehensible things I’ve done to her can’t be redeemed. I can’t go back twelve years and take it all back, but if I could, I’d do it in a heartbeat. Not being able to imagine a world where she isn’t mine…”
I shake my head, unable to put into words what I’m feeling in my soul.
“Love? Really, Dalton?” The tone of my sister’s voice makes the hair on my arms stand on end in frustration. “It’s been less than two weeks.”
“What else could it be, if not love?” I snap my head up to look at her.
“Infatuation? Opportunity? A challenge? Any number of things,” Peyton counters. “You’ve never had a girl turn you down before. Maybe it’s a reaction to your fragile ego.”
“I don’t remember anyone else!” I roar. “Her first kiss was my first kiss, too!”
“What?” Peyton’s eyes grow wild, and she looks from me to her phone twice. “She kissed you?”
“Well,” I begin, embarrassment flushing my cheeks, “I kissed her, but she kissed me back.”
“Unbelievable,” Peyton mumbles, and for some reason, her shoulders relax a bit. “This changes things, doesn’t it?”
“All of her firsts could be my firsts, too,” I blurt, unable to control the words coming out of my mouth.
I’ve dreamed of experiencing everything with Piper. Those fantasies are all I have to draw from. I doubt I’m a virgin, technically. Bronwyn said as much when she was crawling all over me the other day, but does it even count if I can’t remember it?
“Ew.” Peyton’s nose scrunches up. “Little sister, remember?”
She looks down at her phone once again, and then I see her wink. Is she taking selfies while I’m spilling my guts?
“You never know.” Her eyes leave her phone and look up at me. “She may come around.”
“And what exactly should I do to convince her?” I don’t think my sister has much relationship experience, but since I’m working with nothing of my own, it doesn’t hurt to get help and advice wherever I can.
“Just go talk to her,” Peyton responds.
“Jesus!” I hiss, throwing myself on my back on her carpet. “I’ve tried talking with her. She’s stubborn and won’t listen to me.”
“Maybe she will this time.”
“Yeah, okay.” I swing myself up from the floor.
I didn’t get anywhere with my confessions. My sister just wants to give me canned advice, knowing that Piper has pushed me away at every turn. Is she getting back at me for something?
“See you later,” I mutter as I walk toward the hallway.
“Are you going to go talk to her?”
“No clue,” I tell her as I leave.
“Go talk to her!” Peyton screams after me, but instead of heading to Piper’s house, I go to my room.
Pacing hasn’t helped before, and yet it’s what I find myself doing right now. Tying her up and forcing her to listen to me seems like a twisted option, and I honestly don’t think it would breed trust between the two of us.
Peyton was my last chance at figuring out what to do, and that failed epically. Just talking to Piper sounds easy enough, and I’d think it was a great idea if I hadn’t already attempted to do it a million times already.