As I hold this amazing yet broken woman against my chest, I pray to a god I never believed in that this isn’t what sends her spiraling so hard that I can’t pull her back.
***
“I need to leave.” Her words crush me, but the fact that she refuses to look at me while she breaks my heart makes it ten times worse.
I stop shuffling my clothes, and silence fills the room. My arms are shaking with unused energy and the urge to go to her and remind her why she’s here to begin with. I don’t imagine it would go over very well. She hasn’t been very receptive to the attention I’ve tried to show her in the four days since the shit went down with her dad.
“Tell me what you need,” I plead against her neck. My front is lined up with her back, but she no longer sinks into the comfort of my warmth.
After she woke up that first night when I made it back to her, she’s been distant and antsy. It’s as if she’s waiting for the other shoe to drop.
She doesn’t answer me, and if I’m honest with myself, I shouldn’t expect her to. All I’ve gotten in the last thirty-six hours are one-word answers and silence.
Fear settles deep in my gut. The only hope I’ve been holding on to is the fact that she still reaches for me in her sleep, but her unconscious self isn’t the one making decisions right now.
“I want you to stay,” I tell her when she tenses against my body and stares across the room. “I need you to stay.”
“You’re not everything I need,” she responds emotionlessly. “You can’t give me that.”
I don’t know what that is, but clearly, she needs something, and I’ve failed her at anticipating her needs.
“Is it the cage?” I growl as my hand tangles in her hair and pulls her head back.
A long-suffered sigh escapes her lips, but that’s her only response. My brain misfires before coming back online to think of ways to bring her back to me. I know what she needs. It’s exactly what she sought out before we met.
I swallow thickly before releasing her hair.
“My birthday party is tonight. Leave tomorrow.”
I know she can hear the desperation in my voice, and for once, I don’t bother trying to mask it with sexual aggression like I’ve done numerous times with her before. I need her off balance for what I have planned.Chapter 41Kaci
I’ve checked the time on my cell phone a million times since TJ led me out here a couple of hours ago. He’s frustrating the hell out of me, using half his time to police my alcohol intake and the other half ignoring me while he talks to everyone else.
I smile when I’m spoken to, but my skin is itchy and tingly with the need to get out of here. TJ has been underfoot like a clingy toddler for the last four days. He isn’t the man he was before my last visit to my parents’ house. I never wanted a man who doted on me and looked helpless when he didn’t think I was paying attention to him.
The man who brought me here would know what I craved. He’d give me exactly what I’m looking for. Last week, TJ would’ve been able to pull me back from the edge. This week he seems more concerned about my mental health than anything else, except he can’t see that his soft hands and sensitive nature are what’s driving me crazy.
If he hadn’t turned into whatever he is now, my issues would be gone by now. He should know I don’t need him to act like some prince charming. I need him rough, insistent, demanding that I meet his desires. I need him to remind me of a safe word before he brutalizes my body with so much pleasure, I’m left drained for days. This is like that love making session back at my old studio apartment. I didn’t want him that way then, and I sure as hell don’t need that from him now.
The confession, him needing me, from earlier, I imagine would get most girls all gooey. What’s not to swoon over? TJ is gorgeous on his worst day. He’s a big tough guy all but citing fucking poetry right now. It does nothing for me.
Without a word, TJ stands, bending to push a chaste kiss to my lips before he walks away. The damn near platonic kiss is worse than it has been since I killed my father, and it makes me realize that he’s already saying goodbye. For a man who has made all sorts of confessions, he sure is quick to lock the gate on all those emotions. He knows I’m leaving tomorrow. I figured the information would draw out at least one last rough fuck, a final session of dominance in front of his friends, but all it has done is make him withdraw from me.