When he climbed off and pulled out of me, he didn’t give me one considerate glance over his shoulder or an offer to shower with him before he disappeared into the bathroom. Then, to add insult to injury, he locked the damn bathroom door. It seemed like the echo of the lock sliding into place took hours to die down around me.
I fumed, plotted his death, and ran scenarios over and over in my head. I strategized how things were going to play out when he came back into the room. My first instinct was to run and pretend like it never happened but…
He had kissed me. He’d pressed his lips to mine and licked into my mouth like his survival on earth depended on it, only a second after saying he didn’t kiss whores. I knew then that he classified me as a woman who wasn’t going to sleep with others, as the girl who was only going to be with him. To him, I was different.
Piper said he doesn’t sleep with the girls in his bed, yet I was cuffed to it as he covered my body with his so Chains couldn’t see me. He didn’t urge them inside and ask Piper and Chains to join. He didn’t include them in his plans like he did with me when he was entertaining Legs my first night here. In my mind, when he thrust inside of me, I was different.
But somehow, all of that anger, all of the soul-crushing hurt I’d felt as I drifted to sleep waiting for him to finish vanishes the second I open my eyes to see him looking lovingly down at me.
Only there isn’t a trace of love in his eyes, or a hint of promise in the pressed, thin line of his lips.
My smile turns into a frown, matching the mood surrounding us right now.
“You need to go,” he grunts pulling his eyes away from me.
I’m not even worthy of being looked at now that he’s gotten exactly what he wanted. It was all a game. The passion, the rough fucking that contradicted the soft brush of his attentive fingers over my flesh, and the jealousy he trembled with when I mentioned others at the clubhouse were all a ploy to entice. They were strategically placed tactics used to make me beg for what he was offering, and like the naive girl that I am, I fell for every single one. I rushed into his false sense of security and handed over everything.
“I’m tired.” I roll over, giving him my back. We’ve played by his damn rules, and stubbornly I refuse to capitulate to this. He can fuck me stupid and regret it immediately, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to be tossed out like trash.
“Back to the house.” He pushes against my back. “Go.”
As strong as I want to be right now, as angry as I am, I climb out of bed. It has less to do with the irritation in his voice and everything to do with the sting of tears behind my own eyes. If I stay, I’ll cry, and that would make me pitiful, because no matter how much I can argue that they are angry tears, the truth is that he’s hurt my feelings. I’m a resilient person. I always have been, but his rejection is all too familiar, and it picks at the scabs of old wounds.
I can’t bear to look directly at him, but my periphery registers the towel around his waist. I’ve only been asleep for a few minutes from the looks of him.
I’m almost to the door, resignation washing over me faster than I thought it would, when I turn back in his direction.
His eyes snap up to mine, but I don’t let hope fill me at the realization that he was watching my ass as I walked away.
“You’re an ass—”
A knock on his door interrupts my parting insult. Of course, it does.
“Come in.”
“Hey, baby.” My resolve hardens when Xena brushes past me into the room. “You ready for me?”
“I’ve been ready for you since I got off the road,” Lynch replies.
“Can’t do much with a towel on. Strip and get on the bed.”
Obeying her command, Lynch reaches for his towel. “Leave.”
His words jolt me out of my trance and the shock of witnessing him complying with someone else’s demands.
I leave, but not before I see him drop the towel at his feet as Xena reaches into his bedside drawer. I know what’s kept in bedside drawers, so that means Xena is here for one thing only.
Instantly sober, I shift my top, turning to face the corner as I fasten the front clasp of my bra and make sure the tiny skirt I’m wearing is covering my ass before I walk back out to the main area of the clubhouse. Not wearing panties tonight had been part of my plan when I’d heard that he and TJ were returning, but being bare after being used leaves me feeling disgusted and ashamed.