What I’d had with Gavin was the realest, most wonderful love I could ever imagine. It had prevented me from falling in love with anyone else. But his perspective made sense. I’d given him no reason to believe what we had was the real deal.
I sat there speechless, trying to keep my tears at bay.
Gavin turned toward me. “I promised myself I wasn’t going to go here…to this place of vulnerability with you, Raven. But it’s really hard to keep it all inside. I keep wanting to ask you why. I know you answered that question years ago. It’s just never been a good-enough answer for some reason.”
“I was young and stupid. But please...don’t ever think what we experienced wasn’t real for me. Yes, I ended it. But every second of it was real, Gavin.”
I lost the battle with my tears, and they came rushing forth.
He looked understandably confused as he grabbed a tissue from the center console and handed it to me.
I sniffled. “Thank you. I’m sorry for losing it.”
He shook his head as I blew my nose.
“It took me a really long time…” he said. “A really long time to get over you. I’ve gone through many relationships since, and had more meaningless trysts than I care to admit. No matter what—or who—I did…I couldn’t erase you. So I stopped trying. I just moved on despite the lingering feelings. They’re still there, just not as loud.”
Fear gripped me as I felt everything at the tip of my tongue, ready to spill out.
“I didn’t bring you here to push guilt,” he said. “I just needed to let some of this out. I’m really okay, Raven. It was a long time ago. I want you to know how much I appreciate what you’re doing for Dad. I just need you to be okay when I come home. After I marry Paige…” He hesitated.
He didn’t need to finish that sentence.
It hit me all at once. After he marries Paige. If I continued working for Mr. M, I’d have to see him and Paige when they came home to visit. I’d have a front-row seat to their lives—to their children. I felt like I was going to hyperventilate.
He must have noticed my panic, because he suddenly started the car. “Okay. You know what? This is too much. I’m sorry. Let’s drive for a bit.”
Gavin took off and drove west for a while. We ended up in Wellington, which was about thirty minutes from where I lived.
The ride remained silent until Marni sent a text asking if I was still coming to her house tonight.
“Shit,” I said.
Gavin glanced down at the phone in my hands. “What?”
“I forgot Marni is having a cookout tonight. I told her I would stop by.”
“Really? It’d be great to see Marni. Would you mind if I came with you and said hello? I can drop you off and leave right after. I won’t stay.”
What am I supposed to say? No? “Yeah. I’m sure she’d love to see you.”
“Great.” He smiled. “We should bring something, though, right? It would be rude to show up empty-handed.”
“Yeah. I hadn’t thought that through.”
“Why don’t we stop at the store?”
“Okay.” I smiled.
Gavin turned around and headed back toward West Palm before eventually stopping at the supermarket. It was drizzling as we walked through the parking lot.
At one point, Gavin accidentally stepped on the back of my shoe, almost causing me to trip.
He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Shit. I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
His touch warmed me. The emotions still swirling from our talk in the car made me particularly sensitized.
“I’m fine.” Well, not really.
Once inside, we browsed the aisles for something to bring. An ache radiated from my chest the entire time. It felt surreal to be shopping with him. We’d missed out on these types of everyday things over the years. This. I’d rather be doing this mundane thing with Gavin than anything else anywhere in the world. Because it’s never the place. It’s always the person.
I hoped Paige realized how lucky she was to get to spend her life with Gavin, to do these simple things with this wonderful man, to sleep next to him at night and hear him tell her he loved her.
At one point, I excused myself to the bathroom to find my composure.
Five minutes later, when I rejoined him, we settled on one of those massive bottles of wine Gavin liked. On the way to the register, I caught myself pushing the cart ever so slowly, because I didn’t want this to end. Once it did, he’d be one step closer to leaving.
In the checkout line, Gavin made polite conversation with the cashier. I barely heard a word they said as I stared up at his gorgeous features, burning these last moments with him into my memory, wondering if this was the last time we’d ever be out anywhere together alone.