I was numb when my turn came to greet her in the line. With Nicole right behind me, I couldn’t say what I needed to say, couldn’t hold Jade the way I needed to. I offered her all I could, a brief embrace and a tight squeeze of her back. It was painful to let her go.
I couldn’t do this anymore.
Being here was a reminder of how short life was.
As soon as the cold night air hit our faces outside of the funeral parlor, I looked over at Nicole and forced the words out, “When we get home, we need to talk.”The next few days were spent getting my things out of the apartment I shared with Nicole and moving them into my mother’s in San Jose. As expected, Nicole felt completely blindsided by my ending things.
She had every right to feel that way. I had chosen not to tell her the true reason for the break up because I didn’t feel that would have made it any easier. I simply let her believe that I didn’t see things progressing into marriage for us, and that I felt it was better to end things now than to waste any more of her time.
She’d called me every name in the book, accused me of ruining her life, and smashed some things around. I took it all because a part of me really felt that I deserved it. I felt horrible, but not any worse than I had in keeping the relationship going while I was pining over someone else. It had to be done. Even if I never ended up with Jade, the fact that I could fall for her had to have meant that something was missing in my relationship with Nicole.
Moving back in with Mom was not something I wanted to be doing in my late twenties, but I truly hoped it would be temporary.
I hadn’t had a chance to tell Jade I’d broken up with Nicole. I wanted to do it in person but didn’t want to disrupt her grieving with her sisters and father in the hours following the funeral.
I checked in with her over Messenger, but the last couple of times she hadn’t responded. I chalked it up to her needing to spend time with her family without interruption.
After four days, I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to see her, needed to tell her that I was a free man and could now fully be there for her in any way she needed me. I needed to let out all of the feelings I’d been holding back.
With adrenaline pumping through my veins, I knocked on Damien’s door.
My brother opened. “Hey. What’s going on?”
“I need to see Jade.”
“Well, you’re two days late. She went back to New York. I figured you knew that.”
The dogs were barking so loudly, and it felt like my head was going to explode.
“No. She never said anything to me at all.”
Chelsea walked in. “Actually, she didn’t want you to know. She just wanted to leave.”
My voice grew louder. “Why?”
“Being here was too much for her. Mom’s passing really hit her hard. She needed to escape back into work.”
“Why did she not want me to know?”
Chelsea looked pissed at me. “Seeing you with Nicole at the wake was hard for her. She just felt it best to go back east. I have to say, I agree. The situation with you was unhealthy, especially given the circumstances.”
My blood was pumping. “Chelsea…”
“What?”
“She has it all wrong. You have it all wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ve spent the past few days dealing with breaking up with Nicole and moving my stuff out. It’s over. I thought I was giving Jade space to be with the family. If I thought she would leave so soon, I would’ve been here in a heartbeat.”
“You broke up with Nicole, and you came here to tell her?”
“Yes. I came here to tell her a lot more than just that.” I raked my fingers through my hair. “I can’t believe she would just leave.”
“Well, you have to understand…she believed the situation would go on the way it was. She couldn’t handle it and needed to get back to her job.”
I started to pace. “I need to go to New York.”
“You do?”
Stopping in my tracks, I looked Chelsea dead in the eye. “I am so in love with your sister.”
Damien looked stunned to hear those words come out of my mouth. “Whoa.” His mouth curved into a huge smile.
I turned to him. “Why do you look so shocked?”
“I guess it’s because…I truly believe it. I can see it in your eyes. I know I’ve been skeptical of your intentions with Jade from the start, but I have to say, I’m proud of the way you’ve handled yourself, ending things with Nicole first.”
“You were so right. You can’t possibly love someone if you’re not willing to die for them.”