He nodded. “It makes total sense. I don’t want to ever be on bad terms with you, because I know we’ll always be connected by our siblings’ marriage. At the same time, I don’t know how to be around you and not feel this way.”
“What do we do?”
“There are only two choices. We do nothing…or we do everything. I don’t feel like there’s an in between with you, Jade. I feel like I went from zero to a hundred from the moment I first saw you.”
He said he would leave her for me. But he didn’t say what that meant. Would he move for me? Was it fair of me to even expect that he should, simply because I had the bigger career? Does he understand what the logistics of actually being together would even mean? Would he start to resent me if he decided to move? It was too much to figure out tonight.
As if he could read my mind, he said, “I’m sorry for blurting out what I did. I seriously don’t know how to hide my feelings around you. You make me want to scream things out to you. I knew you’d have to come home to California eventually but never expected it so fast. When you were far away, it was easier. But I would never change having you here. I have a lot more to say, but this evening is about you relaxing. So, forget all the shit in your head, okay? I want you to rest, so I can take you back to your mother’s house tomorrow with a clear mind.”
I wasn’t going to argue with that. It was safer if he left because I no longer trusted myself fully around him.
“Thank you, Tyler.”
“Just text me if you need anything. I’ll be right downstairs, okay?”
“Yes. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, Jade.”
It was a peaceful rest of the night until the phone call that came shortly after 3AM.TYLERMy cell phone vibrating against the nightstand in my old bedroom woke me up.
It was a text from Jade.Jade: My mother died.Oh my God.
My hands were shaking as I bolted out of bed and headed toward the treehouse in the darkness of the night.
She was sitting on the bed, sobbing, with her head in her hands.
I’d never wanted anything more than to just take her pain away. Without thinking it through, I ran to the bed and wrapped my arms around her.
My heart was beating so fast. I knew that no words were going to help. She just needed me there.
I finally whispered, “Am I taking you home?”
“My father said not to come until morning.”
“Okay.”
She gripped my shirt. “I need you to stay. I don’t want to be alone.”
As if I could leave her.
“I won’t leave you.”
I positioned myself behind her in the bed as she rested the back of her head on my chest and sobbed.
Jade lay awake in my arms the entire night. It wasn’t how I’d pictured holding her for the first time, but it was far more profound. I knew no matter what happened between us, I would never forget this night for as long as I lived.It had been three days since that night with Jade. She needed to be with her family as they made the funeral arrangements.
But tonight, we’d be going to her mother’s wake, so seeing her would be inevitable. Nicole insisted on coming with me. There was nothing I could have said to stop her, although I wished I could’ve just gone alone.
I didn’t know what I was expecting to see, but I was unprepared for the firestorm of emotions that would hit me upon the sight of Jade standing there in that black dress.
There was a long line of people waiting to greet the family. There were so many people crowding the room, but my focus was on her and only her. Jade’s eyes were red, and she wasn’t making eye contact with anyone. I knew she was in a tremendous amount of pain, perhaps even more so than the last night we were together. It had all probably really sunken in now.
Damien was by Chelsea’s side. The oldest sister, Claire, had her husband, Micah, to lean on. Jade was by herself, and it was killing me. I wanted to be standing next to her and felt like I would have given my life in that moment to take her pain away.
The realization of that thought was jarring.
My conversation with Damien from last year replayed in my mind, the one where I asked him how he knew he loved Chelsea.
“It was when I realized that I would die for her.”
The other night with Jade was a game changer. Not only had I gotten to hold her, but it was as if all of the conversations we’d ever had, all of the feelings I’d ever felt had pummeled me all at once, too. As she cried in my arms, I remembered thinking that being with her—whatever it took—was really the only choice. Tonight had only solidified what I already knew.