“What? Better if what?”
I shut my eyes tightly, willing the words to come out. “Better if I moved.”
“Don’t fucking say that, Chelsea.”
“Not right away. Maybe I just start looking casually. I don’t really see another solution. I don’t want to see you with other women. Our walls are thin.”
“What if I promise not to bring anyone home?”
“That’s unrealistic, and you shouldn’t have to do that to protect my feelings.”
“I’ll do anything to keep you from moving.”
“No.”
“That’s it? You really want that? We’d never see each other. That would make you happy?”
“No. It really wouldn’t. But we could still be friends. I want you in my life. I just don’t want to know every single thing you do—or person you do—under the circumstances.”
“I need you next door. Don’t leave. We’ll figure this out.”
“You can’t have it both ways, Damien. You can’t look at me the way you do. You can’t call me over in the middle of the night to sleep in your bed with your dog. You can’t keep me close and treat me as if I’m a huge part of your life and expect me not to get attached to you. It’s unnatural and unhealthy, and whether it’s your intention or not, you’re hurting me.” Fuck. My eyes were starting to fill with tears. Since I had already made a fool of myself, I went on. “I’ll never forget that kiss. I can’t ever undo knowing what that felt like. Sometimes, I wish I could.”
He exhaled. “I won’t ever forget it, either.”
“I know you have the best of intentions. I know you don’t mean to hurt me. But to use your own words…this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. That’s why I have to leave. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”
Still at the edge of the bed, Damien put his head in his hands. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered. “So fucking sorry.”
My heart had never felt heavier than this moment. Still so confused, I was only sure of two things.
One: I had to move.
Two: I was desperately in love with him.CHAPTER TWELVEOH, BROTHER“I can’t believe you’re really going through with it,” Jade said.
I was gathering things I wouldn’t be keeping into a garbage bag while chatting with my sister before one of her performances.
“A huge part of me doesn’t want to. I feel so safe here. But for my sanity, it’s necessary.”
“He’s letting you out of your lease?”
“He is.”
“That’s good, because he could’ve totally been a dick about it.”
“He knows why I’m leaving. He wouldn’t be a dick under these circumstances. We’ve been cordial since the night in his bed when I lost it with the poor dog sleeping next to me. Damien isn’t happy about this, but I think he understands. He knows he can’t stop me.”
“How’s the injured dog doing by the way?”
“Drewfus is good. I’ve been going over there and visiting. He’s still recovering, limping around. But thank God, he’s gonna be okay.”
“Good. When do you actually move?”
“In a couple of weeks. The new place isn’t vacant yet. I’m slowly packing all of my small things. Mom and Dad are coming to help me with the big stuff on moving day.”
“I wish I could fly out and help, but I won’t get any breaks from the show for a while.”
After a brief pause, I asked, “Do you think I’m being ridiculous?”
“In what way?”
“Moving because I can’t control my emotions. In an ideal world, I would learn to just deal with it, wouldn’t I?”
“Well, it doesn’t sound like your feelings for him are easily controlled. You’re removing yourself from a situation that you know would be painful for you long-term. And you’re being upfront about it instead of making up excuses for leaving. That’s brave. So, no, I don’t think you’re being ridiculous, Sis. I think he’s the ridiculous one.”
Letting out a relieved breath, I said, “Thank you.”
“More people should be open about their feelings even if it hurts.” Someone’s voice rang over an intercom in the background. “Shit. I have to go,” she said.
“Thanks for listening, as always. I have to run out and take some of this crap to the dumpster out back anyway.”
“Catch you later, sista.”
On my way back from taking out the trash, a voice stopped me in my tracks just as I was opening the door to my apartment.
“You must be Chelsea.”
It sounded like Damien.
When I turned to him, for a split second, I thought it was Damien. The guy standing in the hallway looked like him. I had to blink a few times before it sank in that this was his brother.
“Yes. Hi. And you’re Tyler.”
Flashing a megawatt smile, he said, “Call me Ty.”
Holy hotness.
There are more of them.
“Ty.” I grinned. “Nice to meet you.”
“Same here.”
Upon closer look, he wasn’t exactly the spitting image of his brother. Tyler was stunning in more of a movie star way while Damien was more rough around the edges. But he had the same beautiful blue eyes as Damien, the same tanned skin (minus the arm tat), the same bone structure, the same strong build, and the same flirtatious smile. God. I wanted to swim in their gene pool.