I breathed out, “I know.”
“And this next thing…I’m only going to admit because you’re drunk as shit and won’t remember it tomorrow.”
“What?”
“When you were licking the tip of that fucking corn dog…I wanted it to be my cock in your mouth. So fucking badly. I’m so hard right now just thinking about your lips wrapped around my dick. Remember how I went to find a bathroom after lunch that day? I went to jerk off because I couldn’t stop thinking about you taking my cock down your throat.”
“Wow.”
“So, yeah. You think I don’t want you. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m always one second away from losing it.”
Don’t ask me what compelled me to say what came out of my mouth next. We would just have to blame it on the alcohol.
“I dream about the mole on your ass.”
He backed away a bit, and his eyes widened. “What?”
Realizing the mistake I’d made, I tried to save myself. “You have an amazing ass.”
“That’s not what you said. How do you know I have that birthmark?”
“Um…”
“What the fuck, Chelsea?”
“I’ve seen your ass.”
“Okay…I’m missing something, because I’ve never shown you my ass.”
“I know.”
“So, then how did you see it?” When I didn’t respond, he simply said, “Chelsea…”
Having backed myself into a corner both literally and figuratively, I had no choice but to tell the truth. “Okay. So, you know how I was watching the dogs. Well, Drewfus went under your bed. I was trying to get him out. There was this box.” Swallowing, I said, “I opened it. I just wanted to know more about you. It was wrong. I shouldn’t have been snooping, but I was curious. This disc said Jamaica on it. I never dreamt it was a sex tape. I watched a little of it. I’m sorry. It was a mistake.”
A long, very uncomfortable silence ensued. He seriously looked stunned, and it made me feel so much worse.
Say something.
He finally inched his face close to mine and whispered, “You little fucking perv.”
I kept waiting for him to say something else. My breathing was erratic as I stayed backed up against the wall with his face in mine.
After several seconds of silence, he simply backed away and left, slamming the door behind him.***“You haven’t heard from him at all?”
“No. The last thing he did was call me a ‘little fucking perv’ before going back to his apartment that night. It’s been a week and nothing.”
“Ouch.”
“Yeah. Remind me never to drink like that again. Nothing good ever comes from it.”
“So weird that he would admit all of that stuff—that he wanted to stick his dick in your mouth and what not—then be so quick to call you a perv for accidentally stumbling upon that video.”
“I didn’t accidentally watch it for five whole minutes, Jade. I don’t blame him. It was an invasion of his privacy. There’s no excuse.”
“So, what now?”
“Try to move on from this. Try to move on from him once and for all. What choice do I have?”
“Are you still seeing that guy, Brian?”
“No. He gave up on me. Just as well. He was a nice guy, but I just wasn’t that into him.”
“You’re not into anyone but Damien.”
“Well, that has to change. I’m going out with someone new this Friday, in fact.”
“Oh, really? Someone from the site?”
“Yes. His name is Mark.”
Dudley and Drewfus were barking up a storm next door, prompting Jade to laugh. “Wow, you weren’t kidding about those dogs. I can hear them.”
“It kills me that I haven’t seen them in so long.”
She sighed. “This is really proof, you know.”
“What do you mean?”
“That men and women really can’t be friends, not if one of them is attracted to the other.”
“I feel guilty, like I failed him as a friend because I couldn’t control my feelings. He’s been nothing but good to me and up front.”
“Maybe you’ll hit it off with this Mark guy or someone else, and that will make it so that you can handle being friends with Damien again someday.”
“Anytime I think about moving on from these feelings for Damien, it just makes me sad. It doesn’t feel natural to me. I can’t explain it. It feels like even though a part of him is forcing himself away from me, there’s still this pull that is ever present. I can’t imagine my feelings going away as long as that contradiction exists.”
“Well, you can’t run in circles forever. He’s told you in every which way that he doesn’t feel like there’s a future there. At some point, regardless of his reasons, you just have to listen to him.”
“Those are his words, yes. But his heart…you should have heard the way it was beating when we kissed. I think that’s the main reason I can’t accept what he’s telling me.”
“I don’t want to see you wasting this precious time in your life pining over someone who’s not going to be there for you in the end. He’s told you his piece. I guess I just don’t understand why you’re not listening at this point.”