“What are you doing?” Lexi’s voice jolts me back to the present, her skinny body following me.
“Christ.” I had forgotten about her.
My obsession with Tess was steamrolling over me. Speed walking into the guest room where I left my stuff, I say, “Listen, Lexi, I’m sorry.”
I go to tell her it’s over, but she is staring at her feet.
Gritting my teeth, I continue. “I’m going to take a shower and then we’ll talk.”
She shakes her head. “There is nothing to talk about. I’ll wait.” She moves toward the door.
Grabbing her arm, I stop her. “Lexi,” I say gently because she’s not getting it. “I know you saw us going somewhere. But the truth is even had Tess not come back, it never would have worked.” I let her digest what I’m saying. I don’t owe her any more than that.
“Will you still be my master?” Her voice sounds scared, eyes still downcast. I have to take a breath. Now is not the time to lose my patience.
“Excuse me?”
“It’s what you are. We don’t have to stop. We haven’t been having sex anyway. I will let you dominate me.”
Taking a step back, letting go of her arm, I’m stunned. I wonder again if Andrew had bad coke because What the hell?
“Lexi, come here.” My tone is demanding. I pat for her to sit next to me.
Instead she kneels. Like I’m a fucking king or something. “Look at me.”
When she looks up, her eyes are full of tears.
Sighing, I say, “I’m sorry, I’m not what you need or what you want. We are not the same. You want a master. That’s not me.” My thoughts stray to Tess. Did she put her dress back on? Is Jax making sure no one talks to her?
“Why?” Lexi’s thin shoulders shake.
“Hey… come on, Lex.” I almost lift her onto my lap. I want to comfort her. But how do I do that without giving her false hope?
“I’m not what you need, Lexi, and you know it.”
“You’re wrong.” Her eyes light up. “You could be great. I knew it from the moment I laid eyes on you.”
Shaking my head, I push on. “I’m trying hard not to make this unpleasant. We were friends before. Let’s go back to that.” I’m done talking, so I stand.
“Do you honestly think she is going to forgive and forget, Reed?” she spits.
“She will,” I say, grabbing my Fairtex boxing bag that has my clean clothes in it.
“I’ll wait for you, Reed.” Her voice cracks.
That stops me. “Why? Why would you even want that?” I have to bite my tongue not to tell her to get therapy.
“Lexi.” I use my commanding voice since that seems to be the only way she listens. “I’m never letting her go. I never have.”
Suddenly I realize it’s true. I’ve been waiting for her, never letting her go in my heart. And now she’s back with blond hair and puffy lips. With a fire in her that I know will feed my addiction.
Lexi looks at me. “She’s going to hurt you, Reed. Break you because she can. When that happens, when she does something you can’t forgive, you will need to get control back and I will be there for you. You are my master. Whether it’s now or ten years from now.” Her voice is eerily calm.
I’m done with her crazy shit. “Lexi, go find someone who is like you and be happy. It’s not me. Now, I’m going to take a shower.” Gently I push her out, locking the door.
I’m smiling. It’s done. And Tess is back. I need her to forgive me. The enormous void that has been present is gone. I want to breathe her light, her sweetness, her innocence. I have to convince her to trust me again. I promised all her firsts would be my firsts. I’ve ruined that one. But I’ll never stray again. She is my lifeline. My soul.
Stripping off my board shorts, entering the shower, I let the hot water cascade over my tight muscles. My mind replays the day. As I hang my head, the water massages my neck and back. And her beautiful face comes to me. This time I don’t fight it and lean my head back, and there she is, lips parted, her naked body slick with water. Groaning, I reach for the soap. My hand fists my thick cock, stroking it up and down. Closing my eyes, I kiss Tess. She tastes like she always does. Sweet like candy. I suck on her fleshy bottom lips, and then my tongue fills her mouth. I hear her sigh and moan. My hand quickens, my breathing harsh.
As I stroke myself, her face shows she is ready to come. She tells me she loves me. Forgives me for not sharing our first time.
My eyes snap open, “Shit!” I’m so close, I jerk myself harder, trying to block out that I desperately want to be her first. I want it so badly. The damage is done, and my vision of Tess is gone. Closing my eyes, pumping myself roughly, all I see is her beautiful face, laughing with someone else. Her long legs wrapped around another guy. Her swollen lips sucking another’s dick. Tess’s head thrown back as she comes.