‘Would you do me the honor of this first dance?’
‘Yes.’
He slid his arm around my waist and pulled me closer so my body was molded to the hard muscles. I am five feet nine inches tall, but even so he towered over me, making me feel small and defenseless. He began to move and take me along with him. With total trust I submitted to his lead. At first our movements were slow and careful as our bodies learned to match the other, but soon we were making large circles and he was spinning me so fast I felt a little dizzy. I looked into his eyes and felt totally safe; it felt as if nothing could ever hurt me here. I became a part of him, I felt every breath he took, I mirrored exactly every move he made.
‘Ah, Lena,’ he whispered in my ear.
His voice made me tremble with anticipation. He stopped moving and started to kiss my throat. A moan escaped my mouth and my breath rattled unsteadily through my teeth. I wanted him. I wanted him like I had never wanted another human being. With every inch of my being I ached for him.
‘Tell me what you want?’ I whispered.
‘I want you to get on your knees and milk me.’
I got on my knees and finding the zipper of his trousers pulled it down. He was rock hard. I kissed the hard, tight flesh above the band of his underwear. The warmth of his skin melted into me and sent delicious tingles down my spine. I remembered how I had felt when he had kissed me between my legs and I took him out of his boxers and kissed him gently and sweetly on the tip of his hard length.
He drew a sharp breath.
Immediately, I slid the long length of him into my open mouth and as I bobbed on him, I sucked hard. So hard my cheeks hollowed. He groaned and stroked my hair, while his gloved hand gripped my shoulder. I looked up at him and he was avidly watching the length of him disappearing in and out of my greedy, noisy mouth.
I worked on him, slowly increasing my pace until his cock became so big in my mouth that I knew from experience that he was nearly there. My mouth flew faster and faster along his shaft. Then he began to thrust his hips, the way he did when he was fucking me. I felt his shaft go so deep into my throat that I began to gag. He held my head and continued, until he came with hot spurts of thick salty cream. I swallowed it all, and still did not remove his semi-hard cock from inside my mouth for a few seconds more.
‘I’d like to fall asleep with my cock inside your mouth,’ he said.
So I began to suck his cock very gently. It quivered appreciatively in my mouth so I gave it more. To my delight it hardened a little more. Of course that made me suck it even harder and it responded. I must have stayed on my knees making it grow in my mouth for at least ten minutes. But it worked. He pulled out of my mouth fully erect. He hauled me up and took me to a wall
‘Put your hands out.’
I put my hands out against the wall and felt his hands come around my body and undo the top button on my jeans, the zip, and then my jeans and my scrap of underwear were sliding down. He hunkered down and picked up my foot and looped the material off.
Then he widened my stance and, pulling my hips toward him, drove his cock into me and pounded away forcefully until I lost the ability to think. I was just an animal being fucked by another animal. He roared, close to my ear, a primal sound that came from deep within and echoed in the vast, empty room.
At that moment my flesh shook and jerked as a burst of sensation exploded between my legs, and my climax began. From deep within it came. And on and on it went. I would have fallen. He had to hold me close to his body. I leaned against his hard body and came back slowly.
‘We came in unison,’ he observed quietly.
‘Yes, it was lovely.’
I didn’t want to move. I wanted us to remain close like that forever. But very gently he turned me around and, crouching, he fitted my leg into my knickers and pulled them up. He dressed me like a child and kissed me on the top of my head.
‘I love these tendrils of wet hair that cling to your face,’ he whispered.
I gently blew into his eye.
Immediately I felt his muscles tighten. ‘What are you doing?’
‘When I was a little girl, at night my mother used to ask me, “How did Joseph’s scent come to Jacob?” And even though I knew the answer I would shake my head so she could tell me again. “The same way your scent will come to me. In the wind,” she used to say and blow into my eye. “Besides a little wind cleans the eye,” she used to joke.’
‘You loved your mother very much, didn’t you?’
‘Yes,’ I said instantly.
‘You never talk about your father.’
‘I hate him.’
‘Did he beat you?’
‘Never. He never hit any of his children. It wasn’t necessary. We obeyed him in all things. We learned from very young that he was a mad man. He loved my mother and screamed when she died, and yet he was willing to boil her hand while her children watched in horror.’
‘What?’
‘Yes, he did that to punish me.’
‘You’ve had a rotten life, haven’t you?’
‘Yes.’
‘Are you—? Never mind. I’ll see you at dinner,’ he said, breaking our fragile closeness and turning to go.
I caught his hand. ‘Am I what, Guy?’
‘Nothing,’ he lied.
I watched his tall, broad figure walk away from me and felt sad. He seemed so alone. So unreachable. I knew there was so much more I wanted from him. So much I wanted to know about him.
‘Guy,’ I called. My voice echoed in the vast room.
He stopped and turned his thickly muscled chest toward me. In the half-light I met his gaze with soft, imploring eyes. There was so much I wanted to say, but at that moment I couldn’t think of a thing.
‘Switch on the lights on your way out, please.’
He nodded and when he reached the doorway, flicked on the switch, and left without looking back.
Up above, the giant chandeliers, hanging like glory-clouds from the lofty ceilings, came on. I gazed up in wonder and imagined guests in grand clothes waltzing under these dazzling clouds of lights. Then the velvet curtains of deepest plum were not dappled with mildew, and the gray stone walls did not cry out with the loneliness of their owner.
Chapter 21
The weeks passed strangely. The days were spent wandering aimlessly around the cold, damp castle or exploring the grounds waiting for the hot nights. Waiting for Guy to consume me with his passion. I found an old cassette player in the library and racks of music cassettes from the sixties, seventies and eighties. When I asked Misty about it she said it belonged to nobody, and since nobody wanted it, I could have it.
Overjoyed, I brought it up to my room. The sound was a bit scratchy and sometimes the reels got caught and chewed inside the machine, and I would have to carefully remove the tape from the machine, insert my finger into the middle of the spools and slowly feed them back in, but I loved my cassette player. I spent hours when the weather was bad lying on my bed alone listening to music.
That day Guy had gone off to London in the helicopter and would not be back until the next. I spent the morning wandering about the castle and ended up outside his study. I had never been in it. And I had never been forbidden to go into it. I tried the door and to my surprise it opened.
It was large and dimly lit but warmer than the corridor. The walls were totally bare and painted white. There was a daybed with green and blue cushions on it and there was a low cabinet with bottles of alcohol on it. Other than that there was only a steel cabinet, and a very large desk with a black leather swivel chair behind it. The surface of the table was covered in green leather. There was nothing on it but a fountain pen. I went and sat on the chair. It was very comfortable and so big I could curl up in it. So, this was where Guy did whatever it was that he did.
My eyes were drawn to one of the drawers. It was slightly ajar. As if Guy had closed it that morning in a hurry and had not quite finished the job. I knew I shouldn’t be rifling t
hrough his drawers, but that half an inch gap was like a magnet. Without really thinking of the consequences of my actions I put my index finger in it and pulled it open. And my mouth dropped open with shock.
The envelope addressed to Nikolai in my own handwriting was in it.
For a second I did not move. I could not believe what I was seeing. Then I picked it up and my other letters were underneath it. All five. He had not sent a single one of my letters. I took them in my hands, looked at the backs. They were unopened, untampered with.
Just not sent.
I felt anger like a ball of boiling lava erupting in my belly. My jaw clenched. Why? Why didn’t he send my letters? Why did he pretend? Why did he lie to me? There was a noise outside in the corridor. I hastily put the letters back in the drawer and closed it. I felt disorientated and confused. Footsteps neared the door and Misty walked through it.
‘Oh,’ she said, surprised.