‘What are you hiding, Dr. Kane?’
I froze. That’s what you do to dogs in heat. Throw a bucket of cold water. You’re left with a boner and no desire. ‘What do you mean?’ I asked.
‘You know some secret about me, don’t you?’ she accused.
I felt the cold hand of fear for her.
‘So it’s true,’ she cried, her eyes enormous with shock. ‘You’ve found out something about me that you have not allowed me to remember.’
‘Listen—’
‘How could you? How dare you?’ she gasped in disbelief.
‘Hang on—’ I tried to explain, but she cut me off.
‘I trusted you,’ she whispered, backing away from me.
I moved toward her and she held up a warding hand.
I halted immediately. ‘I was protecting you,’ I explained. Even to my own ears it sounded weak.
‘Protecting me? From what?’ she barked. ‘Here’s an Americanism you’ll understand. Bull-fucking-shit. Just tell me the truth. What is it?’ she shouted, her voice now high and hysterical.
‘Ask yourself why I would have done something like that,’ I said in the most unemotional voice I could reach for.
It stopped her in her tracks, the anger leaving her as suddenly as it had come. She wrapped her arms around herself and frowned with confusion. ‘Why?’ she asked suspiciously.
‘I have nothing to gain from full disclosure, but you have everything to lose. Please, Olivia.’
‘Oh God! What is it?’ she sobbed slapping her hands to her cheeks. Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground. I strode over to her and carried her to the couch. I lay her on it and put some cushions under her head. She stared up at me fearfully. ‘Do my memories have claws?’
‘The problem is not insurmountable. I just need a little time to really help you. Will you
trust me?’
‘I do trust you, Dr. Kane.’
‘Thank you, Olivia.’
She worried her lower lip. ‘Have I done something really wrong?’
My heart skipped a beat. ‘No. You have done nothing wrong.’
‘Has someone done something bad to me?’
I looked her in the eye. ‘It seems that way at the moment.’
‘Is that why I can’t remember?’
‘Maybe. There is no physical reason you cannot remember. Your mind doesn’t want you to.’
She frowned. ‘If it had happened to you, would you want to remember?’
I thought about the burning car, the smell of them burning, and I smiled sadly. ‘No, no, I wouldn’t.’
She nodded. ‘Something bad happened to you, didn’t it?’
‘Yes,’ I said and fuck me, I felt tears gather at the backs of my eyes. All these years I had never shed a single tear. I had been frozen with horror and now the tears were threatening. I blinked. More in shock than anything else.