She leans back and exhales. “How strange. A man who can let one customer run a debt that massive can have all the pussy in the world he wants, why would he agree to an arrangement where he doesn’t even know what the woman looks like. No offence, but you could be a frumpy old bag.”
“It doesn’t make sense to me either,” I say slowly. “But Nigel thinks that someone is out to get him.”
Her face twists with sarcasm. “Sorry, but how is it revenge on Nigel if you’re the one being punished?”
“Don’t you see this is their way of hurting him. Everyone knows the best way to hurt Nigel is to hurt me.”
She rolls her eyes. “That’s very subtle of Nigel’s enemy. Still, someone should tell them that Nigel is an opportunist. If you fell off the earth tomorrow, he would find a replacement the day after. The best way to hurt Nigel is to hurt Nigel. Not you.”
“What other explanation can there be?”
“Coming to that conclusion based on what you’ve told me is like concluding that birds don’t eat tigers; therefore, they must eat lions. There could be any number of reasons why you are part of this sick deal. I won’t be in the least surprised if it was Nigel who offered you up to save his cowardly skin.”
Chapter Nine
Star
I gasp. “That is low. Even for you, Rosa. Nigel is absolutely devastated. You would be shocked if I told you what his original plan to sort out this mess was.”
Rosa folds her arms and looks at me steadily. “Be good enough to share his brilliant plan with me.”
“He was going to arrange for an accident … for himself so that I could collect on his life insurance money.”
Even saying the words is painful to me, but Rosa bursts out laughing. “And you believed him?”
The way she laughs makes me feel foolish, but I straighten my spine. Rosa can’t be objective about Nigel. Until this morning, Nigel has always been good to me. “Yes, I did. You should have seen the state he was in this morning.”
“I love you, Star, but honestly, when it comes to Nigel you are just unbelievably naive. I mean, if I hadn’t met you before you got entangled with him, I would have written you off as an irredeemable bimbo. You think the sun shines out of his ass. Look at you. Defending him when he has proven without doubt that you cannot trust a single word that comes out of his corrupt mouth.”
“I know you think I’m really stupid for the way I feel about Nigel, and I’m fine with that, but how you feel is not the issue here now. I have to do something. I can’t let this man hurt him. He’s still my husband, and I love him.”
“Yes, I don’t like him. In fact, I detest him. As far as I’m concerned Nigel is the best reason why I would never support any legislation that attempts to reduce the age of consent. Adults should never ever be allowed to have sex with children. It fucks their heads forever.”
“I was not a child when Nigel met me,” I can’t help saying.
“Star,” she says fiercely. “You were so damn innocent you hadn’t even made out with a guy properly. He came along, and ruthlessly chased you, turning your head with his flashy car, expensive presents and bullshit. It was not enough that he had you, he then set about controlling you, and completely brainwashing you into his way of thinking.”
“He doesn’t control me,” I say hotly.
“No? Hmm … Let’s see.” It is obvious she has a list of accusations and she starts ticking the first one off on her thumb. “He didn’t let you carry on studying.”
“I didn’t want to study.”
“If you had been living at your dad’s house, I know for a fact that you would have carried on with your studies.”
I say nothing.
“He doesn’t allow you to work.”
“Only because I’d just be earning peanuts compared to what he earns,” I defend.
“That should be your decision, not his.”
“To be honest I agree with him. There’s no point in me working as a clerk somewhere bringing home so little it won’t even pay for a good pair of shoes,” I say quietly.
“Yes, you’d be earning peanuts because he stopped you from getting a good qualification. Fine. Moving on. He doesn’t let you go out at night without him.”
“Yes, he does.”
“He acts all moody and hurt if you do and makes it so unpleasant you’d rather not.”
I stare at the table.
“He doesn’t let you wear anything that reveals your cleavage, or your legs, or anything that shows off your shape.”
“I don’t like dressing too sexily, anyway.”
“How would you know what you like? He decided it for you when you were sixteen years old.” She raises her eyebrows in a waiting expression, but when I say nothing, carries on counting off on her fingers. “He vets your friends and doesn’t allow you to have any men friends.”
“I don’t want men friends.”
“The point is he wouldn’t allow it even if you did. He just about tolerates your women friends.”
“That’s not true.”
“Really? How many friends have you got, Star?”
I frown. “There’s you and Cindy.”
“Yeah, Cindy and me because we are as tenacious as pitbulls. Ask yourself why everybody else has dropped off?”
I shift in my chair. “What do you mean?”
“Did you know that Nigel makes little digs at us when you’re not around.”
I stare at her. “He does?”
“‘Don’t you have a home to go to?’ he once asked me.”
My jaw hangs open. I know Nigel doesn’t really like Rosa, but I never imagined he would have been so rude to her. “Why didn’t you tell me he said that?”
“That’s because I understand your husband better than you do. I knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted me to run to you and complain. Then you would be forced to choose between him and me. And of course, being your husband you’ll eventually have to choose him. Psychopaths like him are always trying to remove their victim’s entire support system so I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Cindy and I decided we’d play the waiting game. Men like him have no staying power. We knew the day would come when he’d find another impressionable teenager, or the scales would fall from your eyes, and you would need us.”
I exhale. It seems I understood nothing of the world around me.
“Worse than anything else he’s done, is the fact that he stopped you from pursuing your dream of being a writer.”
“I still write,” I say quickly.
“Yeah, secretly. When he’s not at home.”
“It’s not because he disapproves or anything. He just doesn’t want to share the time he has with me with my writing.”
Chapter Ten
Star
“Share you?” She throws her hands up in disgust. “This is what I mean by saying he’s brainwashed you. He is an arch manipulator who doesn’t care for anybody but himself. Nigel loves Nigel. Even now, it may appear to you as if you are making all the decisions, but believe me you’re being played by him. He wants you to offer yourself up to pay his bill.”
“You’re wrong, Rosa. An addiction is a disease. Even though you can’t see it, it is a real disease.”
I watch her to see if there are any signs she is softening, but there are none.
“Yes, he’s screwed up badly, but that’s after seven wonderful years. I can’t just wal
k away the first time something goes wrong. He deserves a second chance.”
“Live in denial if it helps you. Nigel is no good.”
I squeeze the metal buckle of my handbag until it hurts. “Nigel is truly sorry and he’s promised me that he’s going to get professional help.”
Another waitress approaches us, and Rosa turns around and growls at her. “In your professional opinion does it look to you like we’re ready to order?”
The poor girl backs off with a shocked expression.
“Will you please calm down, Rosa. You’re making a scene,” I whisper.
“Just listen to yourself! He’s a bloody liar. I don’t believe he’s going to change for one instant. You dig him out of this hole and he’ll find himself back in another as soon as he can. Someone who started gambling recently doesn’t lose this kind of big money. He’s obviously been gambling for God knows how long!”
By now Rosa has become so agitated the table next to us can barely keep their focus on their food.
“Let’s not do this now,” I urge. My heart feels heavy. I am frightened. Afraid that I have been fooling myself. Afraid that she is right. Terrified that my father was right all along. And I’m not even allowing myself to think of what will happen when I meet the Russian.
“When are you going to face the truth, Star? Your husband has saddled you with his bullshit and you want to apologize for him and expect me to say nothing. What would you do if our positions were reversed?”
The couple at the next table stand up to leave. The woman swings by our table. “For what it’s worth, I think your friend is right,” she tells me.
I look up at her, surprised.
“If my husband had done that to me, I’d let the Russian break his gambling legs. That’ll teach him a lesson,” she says heartily, and moves away.