“I never saw you.”
“I was there because the woman I was with, I forget her name now, wanted to go. I don’t gamble in casinos. That’s a fool’s game. I have never understood the lure of gambling. The only time I gamble is when I am in control of the odds. You didn’t see me because I wanted to control the odds of getting you.”
“What did you do?”
“I got Semyon to find out about the jerk sitting next to you. I wanted to punch him when he gave me the news that he was your husband. And then I wanted to kiss his bald head when I found out what state your husband’s financial situation was in. Your husband had a weakness. He was a massive gambler. And I knew exactly how to exploit it.
“It was like fate handed you to me on a platter and said have at it. I set up Ziggurat and I waited for him to take my bait. It was so easy I almost couldn’t believe it. Like a fly to shit he came.
“Then a month ago I let myself bump into you. I didn’t think the attraction would be that strong but, hell, I wanted to throw you against the wall and fuck you there and then.”
“Why were you so cold to me?”
“I was afraid. I was losing control. Anything I had ever wanted I took without any emotional entanglement. It never crossed my mind that it would be different with you. It had never happened to me before. I started to hurt for you. I didn’t know how to deal with it and you kept throwing Nigel in my face all the time. Some nights I wanted to fucking kill him with my bare hands.”
“I never felt for Nigel what I feel for you. Not even a fraction. I was a girl when he met me. I loved him like a girl. I love you like a woman. He never made me feel the things you do. And the sex. Oh my god, the sex. To think I was going to live all my life with him and never experience what I have with you.”
He smiles. “I know. The sex is amazing, isn’t it?”
“You mean it’s not like that with all the other women?”
“Are you kidding? Never.”
I grin. Then I sober up. “Nikolai?”
“Yeah?”
“We’ll make it work.”
He kisses my eyelids. “We’ll take it one day at a time, little butterfly.”
Chapter Fifty-Four
Nikolai
Two Months Later
That morning we wake up early. Autumn is in the air and it is still dark outside. Star stretches luxuriously. I pull back the sheets to look at her naked body. I’d punished myself for years but fate sent me Star. Made her so irresistible that it pulled me out of my self-imposed hell.
In the gloom her pale skin glows. I reach out a hand and caress her smooth hip. She looks precious. Beyond anything I own or could want. I need her to know it. If I die tomorrow, I will only be at peace if she knows it.
“I want to show you something,” I say.
“What?”
“Get dressed in your riding clothes. I want to show you my brother’s grave.”
Her face changes. Fear flickers in her eyes. I kept her in a state of insecurity. That flash of fear. That is what I need to destroy.
“Are you sure?” she whispers.
I smile gently. “Yes. It’s time.”
We go downstairs in the silence of the house. At the last step Star stops. “Remember that first night I came here when you stood there and I stood here.”
“It’s burned into my memory.”
“I thought you were the most magnetic man alive. I had goosebumps just looking at you.”
“I couldn’t believe my own eyes. How could a mere woman be so beautiful? I had to force myself not to scoop you up in my arms and carry you upstairs to my bed.”
“No regrets?”
I shake my head. “Not one.”
“Give me one moment,” she says, and runs lightly towards the big arrangement of flowers. She stands there for a moment. Then she picks a pure white lily. She walks back to me. “I’m ready to meet your brother.”
We go to the stables and I bring Belyy Smert out of his stall while she leads Miss One Penny. We get on our horses and gallop out to the north-west part of the property.
My brother lies in the middle of a beautiful rose garden. His tomb is made of marble with an angel to watch over him. We dismount and walk together towards the beautiful structure. I hold open the little iron gate and she walks through. We go into the stone tomb.
It is cold inside. I feel her shiver.
She walks ahead of me towards his tomb. She gets on her knees and bows her head. Now when I look at her laying the pure white lily on the smooth white stone there is a sense that life takes and then it gives. Life took him away from me and gave her to me. Blonde, beautiful, kind Star.
She looks up at me. “I love you, Nikolai,” she whispers.
For the first time ever I open my mouth and say the words. “I love you, Star. I love you.”
Tears roll down her face as she nods with happiness.
“I love you, Star, and I’ll love you till all the stars burn away.”
Chapter Fifty-Five
Nikolai
Two Years Later
I am so filled with excitement I can’t sleep. I just keep turning over and looking at the beautiful angel sleeping soundly beside me. Every time I look at her a warm feeling fills my entire body. I’m the luckiest fucking man alive.
Who could have imagined that a woman would bring the living corpse, Nikolai Smirnov, to heel? Perhaps because Star’s not just any woman.
We waited two long years for this day to happen. I told her she could have anything she wanted. The grandest and most lavish wedding ever. No expense spared, but all she wanted was a small gathering of the dearest of our friends attending.
“What Star wants, Star gets,” I said, and so she made her plan and in a few hours we’ll be husband and wife and she’ll be mine in every sense of the word.
And only mine.
God help any man who looks sideways at her.
Star
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUe8uoKdHao
Without You
It’s a glorious day with blue skies, and the sun is high above us when we leave for the church of St Mary in the beautiful Cambridgeshire countryside.
My father smiles at me. “You’ve finally found yourself a real man, Star.”
“I know, Dad.”
“Remember that time I was lying in hospital with a perforated bowel.”
“Yeah?”
“I was terrified I would die and leave you with Nigel, but now I feel good. If I had to die tomorrow, I’d go happy. I know you’d be taken care of.”
“This time does feel so different and so right.”
I reach a hand across to dad and he holds it. We just sit peacefully together. It takes us less than an hour to reach our destination.
The church is a quaint and magical place. Surrounded by ancient trees and beautifully kept lawns. A stone pathway leads up to the 16th century church entrance.
I take a deep breath and my dad squeezes my hand.
“Is my dress okay?’’ I ask, concerned that it has become all crumpled in the journey. My stomach is in knots and my hands feel clammy.
“I’ve never seen you look more beautiful,” dad says. Suddenly his face crumples and he begins to cry.
“Oh, Dad. Don’t. Please. You’ll make me cry too,” I say, fanning my face frantically.
“I’m all right. I’m all right,” he mutters. Whipping out the carefully pressed handkerchief from his coat pocket, he rubs it all over his face. Rosa comes bustling up the path.
“What’s the hold-up?” she demands bossily.
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I say.
“Well, get on with it then.”
I take a deep breath and we walk to the church’s entrance. For a moment we stand there, as if suspended in time. Then everybody turns to look at us. My mother waves. There are tears in her eyes. I see Nikolai’s tall, imposing body t
urn towards me and suddenly the knot in my stomach is gone.
He doesn’t smile. He just stares.
The small church fills with Wagner’s Bridal Chorus and my father starts walking. I follow him down the flower petal covered aisle.
This is it.
This is it.
I can’t help it. I cry through the whole ceremony. I don’t remember a thing. I am just so overwhelmed, so incredibly happy, so astonished that I’m marrying Nikolai.