Whitney shuddered. These were part of Tanner’s social circle. Were these the type of people she would be forced into being around for the rest of her life?
“And that woman Tanner is with.” Her tone held a note of disgust. “I know her name from somewhere. I just can’t figure out where.”
“Charlotte said she’s a matchmaker. Can you imagine?”
“I know where I’ve seen her before. She went to college with me. She was President of the Literary Society. I knew I recognized her name. She used to be huge.”
“A fat matchmaker,” one of them cackled.
Whitney had heard that kind of talk before. She didn’t like it any better now.
“She’s not fat now.”
“No, she isn’t, but I wonder how she managed to snag that gorgeous Tanner. I wonder if he knows she was once so heavy.”
Whitney had heard enough. She felt sick. Moisture filled her eyes. She wanted to get out of there. Turning, she headed down the hall again in search of Tanner.
As she reached him, he took one look at her and demanded, “What’s wrong?”
“I’d like to go now.” She worked not to have a quiver in her voice.
Tanner touched her arm. “Are you not feeling well?”
She pulled away. “You could say that.”
A perplexed look came over his face. “Let’s say our goodbyes to Malcolm and Marie then we can go.”
“Why don’t you do that for me? I’ll wait for you in the car.”
Tanner looked at her closely. “What’s going on? You feeling ill?”
“I’ll tell you when we get home.” Whitney made her way toward the front door.
She had already called for the car by the time Tanner joined her. The valet pulled up in front of them before Tanner could start asking questions.
He helped her in then went around and slid into the driver’s seat. They were out on the road when he asked, “Do you want to tell me what happened back there?”
CHAPTER NINE
TANNER’S TONE REMINDED Whitney too much of how he had sounded when he’d demanded that she go with him to Napa. He wasn’t going to leave her any choice but to answer. “Can we please just talk about it when we get home?”
He glanced at her. “Okay, but I’ll accept nothing short of a full explanation.”
For the next three-quarters of an hour they said nothing. Tanner glanced at her a couple of times with concern. Which only made what she was going to have to say worse. Whitney searched for a way out of what she knew was coming. She was going to give up everything she had ever dreamed of or hoped for. A burning sensation rolled in her middle. Whitney crossed her arms over her stomach. She might truly be sick.
What could she do to stop herself from destroying her life? How could she not? She couldn’t live thinking she was inadequate every time she and Tanner went out. That Tanner might one day be disappointed in her. Leave her. Those old insecurities she’d thought she’d put away when she had lost weight hadn’t been far below the surface.
Anyway, Tanner had made it clear weeks ago when they had met to start looking for a mate for him that he was only interested in a mutually beneficial relationship. Not love. She wanted love or nothing. There had not been one word about loving her in the weeks they had been together. There might never be. How was she supposed to gain his love if she couldn’t even handle herself at one of his social gatherings without falling apart?
They weren’t going to work. It was best to call it quits now before either one of them got in any deeper. Only it was too late for her. She loved him beyond measure.
At her house Tanner helped her out of the car. He followed her into the living room. She went to stand near the fireplace behind a chair. She needed it to provide her support.
Tanner stood in the middle of the room, waiting.
That nauseated feeling intensified. Only with a determination she would have sworn she didn’t possess did Whitney meet his look. What she had to say must be said.
“Whitney, what happened?” There was alarm in his voice. “Are you okay?”
She sadly shook her head. “Tanner, we’re not going to work.”
“What?” He started toward her.
She put out a hand to stop him. “Us as a couple isn’t going to work.”
He came to an abrupt halt. “I thought we were working just fine until an hour ago. Now I’m just confused. Could you tell me what the problem is?”
What she wouldn’t give to have him quit glaring at her. Hurt had seeped into his eyes. She said as clearly as she could, “I overheard some women talking about one of the ladies being fat. They even had something to say about me being with you. I can’t tolerate that backbiting. I know that social events are important to your career but I can’t do it. I spent too much of my life being treated as a second-class citizen. I won’t go there again.”
His look turned incredulous. “You’ve got to be kidding! All of this is about a few women being bitchy?”
She gripped the chair. How could she make him understand? A lifetime of people thinking you’re less of a person because your body hung over a chair, your plate was piled full, your clothes baggy. Being judged and found wanting. Those emotions weren’t easily pushed aside.
“It’s more than that. I’m not who you need. I’ll end up disappointing you. What if I gain weight? I can so easily. I have to watch it all the time.”
He put out his hands as if pleading. “Hell, you’re old enough and smart enough to know that people are the same everywhere. They’re going to talk. What they say doesn’t matter.”
“I wish that was true. But it’s hard for me to push away those old feelings of not being good enough. Your friends and associates are the type who used to put me down or, worse, not include me. I don’t want to embarrass you. Be an embarrassment to you.”
Tanner’s hands had fallen to his sides and he all but shouted, “That’s not going to happen.”
“You don’t know that.” Whitney worked to keep her voice even and calm while her heart raced in her chest. “We’re deluding ourselves. You hired me to find you the ‘right match.’ I’m not it.”
“There has to be more to this than women talking. You couldn’t possibly be that insecure. Or think so little of me. I’ve never said anything but positive things about your looks. I think you are beautiful.” His disbelief circled around them like an angry animal.
“That’s because you’ve never known what it’s like, being an outsider,” she said, unable to meet his blazing eyes.
“The hell I haven’t.” He stepped toward her. “What do you think it was like to live with my parents? I never knew if my father was coming home or how crazy my mother would be when he did. My brother and I never had any idea what to expect. At least you had functional parents. A place to live where all the focus wasn’t on what your parents wanted. You felt loved.”
She gripped the chair, glad for its support. Maybe he did understand what it was like to have apprehensions but she wasn’t going to keep putting herself into the kind of situation she’d been in tonight. “I don’t know what you want from me.”
“I was going to ask you to marry me.”
Her look zeroed in on his. “What? As a business merger or a declaration of love?”
Tanner didn’t come any closer. “You knew from our first meeting that love wasn’t part of the deal.”
And she had. But she had hoped he would change his mind. Would slowly come to know love through her actions toward him. “That’s what you said.”
He dipped his chin and cocked a brow. “You didn’t believe me?”
“Yes, but I thought you’d change when you found the right woman.”
His chuckle had no real humor to it. “Whitney, I know I’ve made it perfectly clear what I am looking for in