“Why haven’t you said something before?”
“I was young, but I knew when you were trying to hide what I was doing from Mom and Father. You covered for me, and even lied for me on occasion, but I hated what I saw them doing to you.”
Had her fear of stepping out of line and being rejected been that strong? “I didn’t know they were doing anything to me. I just didn’t want them to get mad at me.”
“You were too young to recognize it when it started. I don’t think they would have treated us like they did Chad. I think guilt and fear over him stopped them from threatening to put us out. I managed to hold it together until I could get out of high school but I couldn’t take it anymore. By that time you were already the favorite child and I really didn’t care.”
“I wasn’t the favorite!”
“Okay, maybe favorite isn’t the right word. The more dutiful. I knew I needed to get away and it seemed like it was too late for you.”
“So you just left and let me spend years being their doormat. Why didn’t you say something sooner?” China couldn’t keep the anger and disappointment from surfacing.
“Would you have listened?”
“I guess not,” China said thoughtfully.
Kelsey place her hand over hers for a second before she removed it. “Still, maybe I should have tried harder to make you see it. I’m sorry. So what has changed now?”
“I met someone and took him to their house for dinner.”
“As in a man? Someone special?” Kelsey asked with a smile.
“Yes. A man. He told me he couldn’t believe how I acted around them. That I shouldn’t let them treat me the way they do. We had a big fight.”
“Well, I hate to say it, but he’s right. It’s time for you to stand up to them. Stop letting them manipulate you. You don’t have to please them anymore. You only have to please yourself. So tell me about this guy.”
China blinked to keep the moisture from forming in her eyes. “There’s not much to tell. We broke up. He’s gone home.”
“Home?”
“Chicago.”
“Was he just here on vacation?”
“No, he was a doctor at the clinic. We fought and we haven’t spoken since. He’s not in town anymore.”
Kelsey reached across the table and touched her hand. China looked at their clasped hands. It was the most sisterly thing Kelsey had done since she’d climbed into bed with her the night of the big fight between Chad and their parents. “So call him. Don’t let our screwed-up family hurt your chance for happiness. Call him, find him, talk to him.”
“I don’t think he wants to have anything to do with me. He was so disappointed in me.”
“Forget that. He’ll get over it. Talk to him. If he cares about you he’ll understand.”
China squeezed Kelsey’s hand. “Thanks for helping me see a few things clearer. I love you, sis.”
Kelsey eyes glistened. “I love you, too.”
As they finished their tea they talked about Kelsey’s new job at the hospital. Finally China felt like she had her sister back.
Standing on the sidewalk in front of Kelsey’s car, China said, “Thank you for coming. I wish we could do this more often.”
“I’m glad I came also.”
“Can we get together again soon?”
Kelsey took a while to answer. “I’d like that. But no pushing me to see Mom and Dad.”
“I promise. This’ll be about us. I’ve missed you.”
Kelsey stepped over and hugged her. “I’ve missed my big sis, too.” She let China go. “Now, go call that fellow and tell him you’ve come to your senses.”
“I’ll think about it.”
“We have enough regrets in our lives. Don’t add another.”
China watched as Kelsey got into her car and drove away. Would Payton listen?
She had lived in fear of being rejected, of not being good enough. Had Payton ever made her feel that way? No. She’d managed to twist what he’d said to her about her parents. Hadn’t he proved more than once he wasn’t like that? They’d worked together with patients, bought plants for his house and cooked dinner together, and never once had he ever criticized or talked down to her. He’d done nothing but make her feel good about herself.
She was such an idiot. When she’d spoken to him at the clinic it hadn’t been about her, it had been about how he felt. She would think about what she needed to do later. Now, she was due at the clinic.
Once again she looked for Payton to show up for work. She listened for his footfalls in the hall and heard nothing. Sitting behind the front desk, she scrolled through the lab work that had come in to see if any of the patients needed to be called for a return visit or updated on the results.
She scanned the numbers of each patient, looking for any abnormalities. Her finger pushed the “scroll up button when the white cell count of a CBC was too high. This patient would need to be notified. Checking the left-hand corner of the page, the name of the patient jumped out at her like a flashing neon sign—Payton Jenkins.
China sucked in a breath. Her heart beat faster. Payton’s high white cell count could be an indicator that his cancer was back. Had that been what the phone call had been about? Or did he even know? She had to tell him. Had to talk to him. See if he was okay.
Weak-kneed, she walked to the doctor’s office and closed the door. More than once she’d had to make a confidential phone call from there. No one would question the door being closed and disturb her. With a shaking hand she reached into the pocket of her scrubs and pulled out her cell phone. Scrolling down until Payton’s number appeared, she touched the screen.
Would he answer when her ID came up on his phone? Would he be glad to hear from her? The phone rang and rang and rang. With each ring her disappointment grew. His voice telling whoever was calling to leave a message came over the phone. She slumped against the desk. His voice, oh, how she loved the sound of Payton’s voice.
At the beep, she said, “Payton, it’s China. Your bloodwork came through. You need to call the clinic.” Even to her own ears the message sounded cool and official. Nothing like one lover speaking to the other. But they were no longer lovers.
Her phone rang seconds later. Her heart leaped. She dropped the mobile. Was it Payton? Would he be as glad to hear her voice as she would be to hear his? With a shaking hand it took two tries to pick the phone up off the floor. The knot in her chest eased. The
ID read “Mom.” She touched the screen. “Hello.”
“Hi, honey. Could you stop by and pick up a few things on your way over this evening?”
“Mom, I’m not coming.”
“Honey, why not?”
“Mom, I’m not going to be coming over for some time. Also, please don’t call me during work hours anymore.”
“China, what’s wrong?”
“I just need to make some changes in my life.”
“You know your father is going to expect those pork chops of yours.”
“You can fix them, Mom. There’s some in the freezer. I’ve got to go now. Bye.” China ended the call.
It hadn’t been easy and she would owe her mom more of an explanation later but she had made her first move toward pulling away from her parents. Now she had to move forward and create a life without Payton. With her sister in her corner and her new understanding of herself, she felt empowered to do just that.
* * *
Payton looked at the blinking light on his phone. He’d missed an incoming call. China.
He ached for her with every fiber of his being. His fingers itched to touch her silky skin, kiss her full lips, hear the soft sound of her breathing next to him in the middle of the night. Things had already been difficult between them before he’d received the news from John about his questionable lab work. Emotionally he’d run, and he had no doubt she recognized it. Now all he wanted to do was repair the relationship, have China back in his life—permanently.
Just days earlier he’d caught the first flight out for Chicago and had been back in the hospital, undergoing tests, that afternoon. The flight had given him much-needed time to think, and the reality that he might be sick again, this time possibly worse than before, had made him re-evaluate China’s words, “Life is about enjoying where you are, the simple things.” She’d taught him that lesson well. Watching a storm, planting a flower and seeing it flourish or just spending time floating on his boat, and most of all making love to someone you cared deeply for.